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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He managed to hurt all of my kids today!
Tickingtock
♀ Member
Member # 41411
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This utterly horrifies me. Your poor daughter feeling neglected and your son knowing that his dad is trying to buy his affection.

This seriously horrifies me. I am so sorry you have to go through this (and I can almost guarantee that this is hurting you more than them).

Stay strong!


Me: 31, exBGF, now married

Posts: 149 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: West Coast, USA
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is absolutely hurting me more than them... Which is partly why he is doing it I am sure! Of course, he doesn't take any blame so it also my fault.

My son is the youngest. I won't put any more pressure on him, though I do teach him to be thoughtful of his sisters feelings.

I don't want to make this issue about him though. It's all on the Dooosh. Sucks that the kids get dragged into it.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3526 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:10 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be careful that your son doesn't get put into the role of fixing the relationship with your other kids for XH. That will tear the relationship between the kids apart.

It sucks that they can manage to put a damper on your festivities without even being present.

Your kids are lucky they have you to help them navigate the turbulence he creates in their lives.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4860 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly, this favoritism has already put a wedge between the kids. 10 and 13 fight with each other constantly. 13 is extremely jealous of her brother -- and the fact that he spends time with their dad hurts her. She feels that her dad doesn't want her anymore, and has chosen her brother over her.

The anger and bitterness come out when she gets mad and they fight a lot. I hate it. They won't be a close pair of siblings due to this crappy hand dealt by the Dooosh and his whore.

I just continue to build up both kids, remind them of how loved and cherished they are in my world, and hope they find a way to come together at some point as adults.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3526 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Purplerose, are your kids seeing an IC? I have been through this with the XWH who is NPD and very emotionally harmful. My kids were teens at the time and resisted therapy. He's hurt and harmed all of them - but school guidance counselors and school social workers helped when they wouldn't go to therapy. Now one of my two who were hurt the most is in IC and I wish the other one would go.

This situation is really harmful to your kids. Try to get them to see someone and continue to do the great job you are doing supporting them. Just don't settle for hoping they'll work it out as adults or they'll miss out on so much that can be positive for them as they grow into adulthood and prepare to have their own families.

[This message edited by rainagain at 9:44 PM, December 28th (Saturday)]


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My son completely resisted IC when we had the kids gong weekly. As in, would not talk at all. The IC finally said she really felt like she couldn't do any more with him because he refused to communicate with her.

13 liked her, and we went weekly for quite awhile. Then 13 stared feeling like she didn't need to go anymore. After the Dooosh assaulted me in front of the kids I called the IC for 13, and found out she had moved to another state.

The school counselors have been awesome. I also think we may need a new IC, especially for 13.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3526 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
GreatRoleModel
♀ Member
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PR I am so sorry for your kids and the stress this causes everyone...these douches never seem to stop amazing me. I too was fearful of the ex driving a wedge between my kids so I am constantly reminding them that they may only have each other in the future. I also tell them part of my job as their mom is to make sure that their father does drive a wedge between them and that everyone reacts and experiences feelings differently and that is ok. We are all allowed to be different and that I love each of them for who they are. Good luck.


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
LoveHerStill
♂ Member
Member # 31504
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a complete failure as a man!

Tell your kiddos that each of them are more mature than he is.

Maybe talk to your son and ask him if he is willing to tell his sister that he considers his gifts to be for both of them and that he loves her and wants to share.

I am so sorry that you are having to endure this. I would make his parents aware of how he is treating his own daughter (their granddaughter). Maybe they can talk some sense into him.


Me BH-45
Her WW-44
Married-20yrs
Together-26yrs
D-Day 4/11/10
Divorced 9/13/2010
XWW Married OM 5/23/2011

There is hope. Once you truly commit to focusing on yourself and letting go, it comes back, and you will appreciate it like never before.


Posts: 441 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Seattle, WA
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would make his parents aware of how he is treating his own daughter (their granddaughter). Maybe they can talk some sense into him.

You mean his father - married to a third wife and cheated on each one? The father who has NO relationship with his mother -who is 100 this month, or his only brother- who he hasn't spoken to in over 30 years? Who screwed up all 5 of his children? Yeah, that will do it!

He comes from a real prize of a mother as well. She has 3 children who have been married. Both sons cheated on their wives and have royally fucked up their kids. Her only daughter was the OW, and has now married that troll of a man.

No thanks. I certainly don't need their help! They've done quite enough in raising an absolute piece of shit of a man.

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 8:30 PM, December 29th (Sunday)]


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3526 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, December 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly, this favoritism has already put a wedge between the kids. 10 and 13 fight with each other constantly. 13 is extremely jealous of her brother -- and the fact that he spends time with their dad hurts her. She feels that her dad doesn't want her anymore, and has chosen her brother over her.
The anger and bitterness come out when she gets mad and they fight a lot. I hate it. They won't be a close pair of siblings due to this crappy hand dealt by the Dooosh and his whore.

I just continue to build up both kids, remind them of how loved and cherished they are in my world, and hope they find a way to come together at some point as adults.

I used to think the same thing with my kids. We divorced when my kids were 12,12,10,8. They fought constantly regarding him, his favoritism of 2 kids over 2 kids. I hated what he was doing to my family and could not see a way to bring them together.

Then something happened-they started to grow up. When the oldest were seniors in HS, he made it very clear if NW was not invited to share the parent senior night he would not be attending. She wasn't and he didn't. The seniors stopped talking to him. One gave in about thanksgiving, other gave in just before Christmas. He wrote lots of letters( delivered by younger 2kids) blaming his refusal to attend on them. For Christmas that year, they gave younger 2 kids $ 100 each, senior who broke nc around thanksgiving $60, senior who broke nc just before Christmas $0.

Maturing and seeing the shite he pulls year after year have helped them to forge bonds because they each know it's just a matter of time before he shits on them like he did DD1that fateful Christmas.

Don't give up hope, it takes them maturing to actually see the reality and realizing they could be discarded by him the moment they don't live up to his expectations.

I've been divorced 10 years, my youngest is doing all she can to hold onto the illusion of being daddy's favored child. Except, most things she tells him about her personal life are lies! She tells me the lies she tells him and why she does it. It sucks to be the recipient of lies, he reaps what he sows.

Hang in there, it's tough, but you're doing all the right things. They just need to realize that love is not a bargaining chip to be played.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4860 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, December 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, PR. This shit is so tough to navigate.

I can't even imagine a human being that cold and heartless. What a dickhead!

I can! Xpos disowned one DS twice! Both times after he was out of the house on his own, even M. Just because DS didn't agree with things as he saw them. DS was still expected to kowtow to xpos's view of what his life should be. Both things were stupid.

He didn't want DS and his wife at our house for Christmas and didn't give them anything. I tried to talk to him and reason with him, but that only put me on his hit list, too. I was taking someone else's side against him again, so I got punished, too. I sent presents with DD and the other DS, but didn't dare go see them for fear of what treatment I would get from xpos if I did!


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, December 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thebighurt, I'm so sorry you were put in that position. I was also made to choose between him and one of my kids during false R.

We took a "family" vacation to the state where my oldest now lives. We were a one hour drive from her, and she was going to come visit me and her little brother/sister. He made it known that SHE was not welcome.

(She had let him know how she felt about his affair.. Told him the OW was a whore, etc. He had tried to convince her that his whore was a sweetheart. Ha! My girl was not having any of his stupidity.)

Anyway, that remains one of my lowest moments. How could I have chosen the piece of shit Dooosh over my child?? I will forever regret that decision.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3526 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Topic Posts: 32
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