You are spot on with identification of his behavior, the text messages and the other pieces of the puzzle that is being connected. If you can get into his computer, facebook etc. you might find more information. If you find it, make copies and save the information. Do not divulge where you find information. That was a mistake I made.
Stay with the 180 degree's. You need to contact and attorney and find out what your rights are now. You do not need to make major decisions now, but you will most likely have shared bank accounts, etc and you want to know where you stand legally with those. Also, where you stand with him leaving the house. Given his anger issues, it might not be a bad idea to find out what you would need for a restraining order should he start acting out. Since he is not currently, it would help to have the information sooner than later.
You also need to see your doctor for STD testing. Do not have unprotected sex with him. Even though he has left, things may change and you need to be prepared.
We are here for you. Post often. Eat, drink and try to rest.
[This message edited by brkn_heartd at 10:17 PM, December 25th (Wednesday)]
What you are seeing is not remorse about his actions and choices. You are seeing regret that he got caught. There's a big difference between the two. And as long as he continues to keep his head up his rear end and continues to lie to you, there really isn't much hope of any kind of marriage. Now is the time to go see a lawyer and find out what your rights are. He's showing you who he is right now, by his actions and his words. You need to know what your next legal steps should be to disentangle your lives, because it looks like he has no intention of doing any work necessary to salvage your marriage. And frankly, given how ugly he has shown himself to be, making sure that he doesn't have a legal right to come back is in your best interests.
Please come back often for support. We're all here for you.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
[This message edited by Greenfrog at 4:09 AM, December 27th (Friday)]
Your WH is definitely gaming you. He's twisting things so that YOU are the focus of HIS bad behavior, not him. Step away and don't play his games. Please do go see that lawyer and start proceedings. If you haven't already, get a separate bank account with only your name on it and transfer at least 1/2 of the money in your joint account into it. Cancel any joint credit cards and get your own. If you have automatic deposits into the joint account, re-direct them into your personal account. Making a grab for all of the money and assets is a typical WSs reaction. It's time to think of YOU first.
You need to make yourself a to do list, and try to take some of the emotion out of this. He is abusing you, and you speak of anger, and gameplaying. He honestly sounds like a sick man, that you are unsure if he is capable of causing you physical harm. In that situation it's best to protect yourself as much as possible.
1. go to the Dr. Get tested for STD's/HIV, if you are still so upset you are unable to sleep/eat/hydrate, then ask for something to help you through this time. Your Dr is there to help you, and will.
2. Get to an Attorney and find out what your rights are and his responsibilities are, and start moving toward being independent.
3. 180 hard. If you have kids they should be the only thing you talk about until he is truly ready to confess his sins, and work toward repairing himself and your M.
4. Forget the OW, she will most likely not tell you the truth, and honestly it wont help your situation.
5. You may see his stopped communication with these OW as an effort on his part to work on R. I would bet my lunch that he has a burner phone that he is communicating with them on. So be very careful in what you believe in what he is saying and appearing to do.
Time for you to put yourself first, no one else will.
And then he turns his location
Services back off so I can't find him
My WS did the same thing. That bastard. That move was exatly what shattered my illusion that there was any hope for this relationship.
Either he's hiding and lying or he's just saying I don't like to be followed. Either way it's a very angry, forceful and clear expression of contempt for you and your feelings.
To me that one act of defiance negates Anything else he might be doing. He is purposely making you feel unsafe. I don't care what his reasons are
. That action alone speaks volumes about his character.
My advice. Focus on you. He's just going to keep hurting you. It's almost guaranteed.
[This message edited by TheAgonyOfIt at 8:50 AM, December 28th (Saturday)]
I wish you strength and peace.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Please make the appointment and go. Pay for it out of the joint account, not yours. He can call your joint account his or he can call it a frog, but as long as your name is on it, it is joint. If you think that he's going to rob it (or even if you don't), take 1/2 of the money out of it and transfer it into your personal account. (((hugs)))
"It is better to be from a broken home than in one."
Sounds like your 16yo knows what's up.
I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.
All of the above is why you must see a lawyer ASAP. They can tell you what you what your rights are, how much child support/spousal support you can expect, file for primary custody of the kids, and file for sole use of the house. Because right now, he has the RIGHT to come back in and stay, or take the kids for however long he wants, wherever he wants. You need legal help yesterday. And a lawyer can see about having the children kept on his insurance and him paying you a fixed amount for you to go seek individual insurance.
This! 1000%!!! Yesterday!
((((Greenfrog))) - you can do this, sweetie - Keep posting...we're here for you and will be with you every step of the way.
Second is a job, as soon as possible.
You cannot depend on him financially and expect to ever have any type of independence. So a job is tantamount.
Lastly, the guy is lying through his teeth and it's not just an 'emotional' affair. What a crock.
Anyone with THAT much opportunity for face-time together has definitly gone way past the crush stage and entered the physical realm. He's a real piece of work.
Sounds like you're much better off without him.
Get to a lawyer ASAP.
Good luck to you.