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Newest Member: ReasonableDoubt (44577)

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User Topic: So how was it?
20Hopeful16
♀ Member
Member # 40487
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Better than I expected considering I was a crying mess leading up to it.

Christmas Eve morning WH came and took the kids out for hot chocolate and the traditional last minute gift shopping. He showed up with a broken hand (told the kids he had fallen on the ice). I made sure I was showered, hair done, and made up by the time he arrived, I feel much better dealing with him when I am feeling good about myself. They were gone a whole whopping hour (first time he'd seen them in almost two weeks). Then we went to my parents and exchanged gifts with them and my siblings and nieces and nephews. It was a crazy but good time. Then we came home and I was up ridiculously late wrapping gifts because I hadn't been able to bring myself to deal with it before then.

Christmas morning WH came over to open gifts with the kids. Stayed two hours. Teared up over the gift DS#2 had gotten him (Best Dad in the World mug that he picked out himself and was insistent on giving). Had helped the kids get all the things I asked for (new mat for the kitchen, tongs, and a travel coffee mug) plus a $100 gift certificate to a spa I like. Once he left we headed to my parents again for Christmas dinner. Again a crazy time with all the kids, but good distraction. On the way home we stopped in to drop off a Christmas card for a friend and ended up staying three hours. By the time we got home I was exhausted, and after I put the kids to bed I fell asleep listening to my audio book.

Luckily distracting enough to keep me from moping too much.


Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

Posts: 107 | Registered: Aug 2013
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..

WORST CHRISTMAS E_V_E_R..............

..didn't talk the whole day

..didn't even open the gifts under the tree

..today wasn't much better..

..kissed my cat behind his ears a lot today..

thank God for small comforts

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4115 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
ImaBAlrite
♀ New Member
Member # 40974
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

An emotional roller coaster with an incredibly deep, downward spiral in the middle.

Back story: We haven't been living together since I kicked WH out just before Labor Day when I discovered numerous sexual communications on his phone with other women and men. He confessed to being curious about men & had received oral sex from a man once about 1 month earlier (which is around the time I started to become suspicious that he was having an affair) but that it didn't feel right so he stopped it in the act and knew it wasn't for him. We've continued to see each other weekly and maintained intimacy while I've sought therapy and encouraged him to do the same for the teenaged sexual assault he experienced and said was at the root of his behavior.

We had a very nice Christmas Eve night together. I was finally starting to fall asleep around 1:30/2AM when he said he was going out to his car to get my gift so he could wrap it while I slept. He came back in the house around 2:30AM & woke me up, saying he needed to talk to me. An OW was outside, supposedly unbeknownst to him when he went out there. He said she had been drinking & was upset that he wasn't spending Christmas with her. She brought her adult daughter & a friend, presumably to physically threaten or abuse him or us both if it escalated. A verbal altercation ensued, mostly by the daughter, and he told them to leave or he'd call the cops. As he was telling me all of this, one of them knocked on the front door & then left. We both went to the front gate where the OW was standing, asking WH for her house key back. She said something benign to me, like hello or good night, and I replied with a fuck you. That upset her & she cussed back at me & started talking back to someone else. That's when I saw my dear neighbor in her front yard in her nightgown, defending me & yelling at the OW to leave (I rent the house behind them, on the same lot & the neighbor is actually also my landlord).

Over the next 4.5 - 5 hours we talked and cried & he ultimately told me that he first slept with her back in late 2011, 1 month before I was moving back into town (I had moved out of state for my job for 7 months, paid to fly him up every other weekend & then he & his 2 teenaged daughters packed & moved me back that Thanksgiving weekend into our own place together (that was before we were married). Some time later, I had discovered near-constant texting with this woman & asked him about it, insisting that he stop. He insisted she was a married friend for years that he had no interest in. I looked up her Facebook profile & knew he was lying about the attraction part at least because she isn't ugly & has big tits. Well, after more prying overnight, he confessed that he had taken some clothes, mail & other things over there after I kicked him out and had slept with her twice since then. She got my address from his mail. Also learned of some other lies he had upheld since we met 3.5 years ago, only after telling him this was his one chance to tell me EVERYTHING & that if I found out anything else down the line that it would be over. Even after that, he continued to uphold that he had only slept with her once back in 2011. I had to keep questioning him for the supposed truth about the 2 recent encounters to come out.

After about 2 hours of sleep Christmas morning, talked off & on, and things were generally calm. Then, I checked Facebook & saw that the OW had sent me a series of short messages around 3AM about how she & my WH have been sleeping together since October 2011 without condoms & that she only recently found out about me. Then, around 7AM, she sent a follow up message saying that I was going to believe what I wanted to. When I asked him whether she'd contacted him too, he read me some texts in which she apparently said something about how he told her his heart is with me (the BW) and that he was just using her for the storage.

I lost it this morning, arguing, yelling & cursing at him. He promised to change whether or not we stay together because this whole experience over the past 4 months is motivating him to want to be a better husband & father. He also brought up the idea of marriage counseling (which I wanted HIM to bring up) & I told him that would be the only possible way I could ever trust him again, because I can't do it on my own. Then, this afternoon, we took one of his daughters to the mall & I put on a pleasant face for all of my interactions with her, but I was distant & virtually non-interactive with him. I just don't know who or what to believe anymore. This whole thing has caused me to question my own judgement & esteem.

Tonight, I emailed him a short list of therapists' website links from which to choose & told him to pick the one he thinks he'll feel the most comfortable talking to, along with his general availability so that I could make our first appointment for couples counseling.

I was so concerned about making it a nice Christmas & New Year's and was planning to tell him to leave for good after that because I figured he was a deeply closeted homosexual. He swore that isn't him, but he did admit to being a cheater & a liar who has always been a liar & needs help. I love this man more than I thought I could love someone (I don't have kids yet) and I'm still in love with him, but only a little. One more blow will certainly be the last, so I'm trying to give him just one more chance through counseling. Not sure if I can even make it through though because of my constant "emotional schizophrenia" in which I hate him, feel in love with him and then convince myself that I couldn't care less whether he decides to stay or go... All within the same week, sometimes the same day.

I'm sorry for the story dump. This is my first time posting here or to any site like this and I'm typing how I'm feeling... all over the place. I'm sure it comes across nutty & like I'm ridiculous for even considering staying with this man who has lied repeatedly - perhaps even uncontrollably since I met him. Truth is, when it's good, it's nearly perfect, and when it's bad, it's the worst pain I've ever felt. I'm grasping at the hope that he can & will change and that we can find trust, respect (of which I've lost a tremendous amount for him) and happiness together again, but only this time it will be true happiness, not just the ignorant bliss I felt while he carried on behind my back.

[This message edited by ImaBAlrite at 7:04 AM, December 27th (Friday)]


Posts: 2 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: California
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Ima)))
You are in the perfect spot to post your story/feelings. After all that I think it's amazing that you are able to recount it all. You have been through a lot in a short amount of time. I am so sorry for all that.
You have a lot of things to figure out, I think it will take some time. Please know you have a whole lot of support here from folks who truly understand your pain and confusion.
The only advice I can think of right now for you is to take a deep breath (probably several!) and try and get some sleep or at least rest. You can start to figure out the situation when you feel up to it.
Please take care of yourself, don't forget to drink water, simple but really helps mind and body when in crisis.
Hang in there!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 476 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I almost forgot that before I read Ima's post I was going to say that I had a better day today. After Christmas "retail therapy" always perks me up and today didn't disappoint!
I really am not materialistic or shallow (I hope not anyway!) but sometimes a diversion is nice.
I really appreciate being asked "how was it?". I am glad I had a safe place to really say how I feel to people who know exactly what I mean.
Ok, Christmas is over, but what about New Year's people????


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 476 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
ImaBAlrite
♀ New Member
Member # 40974
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PinkJeepLady, thank you for your words (and your time... I know my post was a long one, :) )

Posts: 2 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: California
scangel3
♀ Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sucked, but because I was sick not because of wh A, although I did end up thinking how nice he was to me, how much he seemed to want to take care of me, I pretty much slept all day after presents were opened, and he was just nice and caring, made sure I was ok. Which turned into me questioning my long term exit plan, this right here, the being taken care of and the joy in my kids eyes when they play with their daddy, is what will break my heart and theirs if I leave.


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((IMA)))

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please post often and know that we are here to support you. (((HUGS)))

It was actually a very nice Christmas this year. Last year I was a mess and didn't even want to have Christmas. This year WH#2 asked me what I wanted and I told him. First I wanted a steam cleaner for my tile floor. He said OK he could do that. Then I looked at him and said I wanted a diamond. He was dumb founded when I said it because usually I don't ask for personal stuff although he used to be good at it before his A. He then got speechless. Over the next couple of days he kept asking what I wanted. I told him I had already told him and I wasn't changing my mind. I got the flu and he had to wind up doing all the shopping for his large family, which he had never did before. He even wrapped my present which was a new development for him.

I got my diamond ring (ask for it because he got OW a diamond a couple of Christmas's ago to shut her up). I still will not wear it on my ring finger, but it will be a nice thing to pawn if and when I D his ass.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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