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Newest Member: walker2014 (44332)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: progress? or setback?
Hisbunnyonly
♀ Member
Member # 38414
Question  Posted: 2:58 PM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AP and I always seemed to sleep together on the holidays….. our first time was Valentines day, second was fathers day…it wasn’t ONLY on holidays but it seems like every holiday that fell during that time period we slept together…Holidays are mild triggers for me…. BS and I discovered together one night that my phone still recognized his number even though it is deleted in every way we know possible (contacts, previous text, blocked on facebook) but when you go to send a text and type the persons name instead of going to address book or typing the number, his name and number will still come up. we discovered this as I was trying to text another friend who has the same first name as him and when I typed the name both came up. we have tried everything we can possibly think of to get rid of it but it’s still there. I have not had the urge to use it….. until last night. Last night I got the urge to text him and tell him merry Christmas. Thought “what could it hurt” nobody will know….. but I didn’t b/c I then thought hmmmm it could hurt BS… it could hurt our relationship…. it could hurt all the trust (as little as it is) that I have gained back in the past year since Dday. it would send not only me, but BS and our relationship back to step 1 and I’m not sure we would recover. I took this a step further…. BS is a police officer, we have an agreement that while he is at work we do NOT discuss the A or anything else that could take his attention from work…. he needs to have his mind on his job, not something like that. it could get him or someone else hurt or killed. So when he got home this morning from work, I told him about the temptation that I felt, and that I did not do it. it was scary. I was not sure if it was going to be a good thing (you didn’t send the text and you told me about it, that shows progress) or a bad thing (it’s a year after Dday and you still think about him) but I did it….b/c it was what was right.

Posts: 75 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: TN
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Progress or setback? I dunno. How did your husband react when you told him you wanted to break NC with AP?

I do think it's a bit of progress on your part because you communicated to him about your thoughts. You didn't stuff it and/or pretend it didn't happen. You were honest to your husband about what you felt that day.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6075 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
pointofnoreturn
♀ Member
Member # 41034
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can set your phone to factory default settings. Call your cell phone provider to ask how. Just be sure to save all contacts you want. Maybe it'd prevent further temptation.


Me- WGF 22
Him- BBF 21
Ddays:
August 2011
September 26th, 2013

"A lesson is learned. Life is. Simply. There is no Death. There is no Before. There is no After. All is in Flux. Simply."


Posts: 185 | Registered: Oct 2013
Hisbunnyonly
♀ Member
Member # 38414
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How did your husband react when you told him you wanted to break NC with AP?

He was okay. He said of course it bothered him that after a year AP still entered my mind but that he was glad I told him and that it showed I have changed a lot of my thought process

We tried contacting our provider (straight talk) and finding out how to wipe the phone, and they said since it is a phone that was "flashed" over to them they are unsure. My husband was on the phone with them for over an hour discussing it and they would never give him a straight answer. It's an iPhone and I tried doing it from my computer but its backed up by iCloud and so it restores my numbers and stuff, but when I get on and look through my contacts and stuff his number is nowhere to be found. It's only when I type his name in the text message bar?


Posts: 75 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: TN
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This...
He said of course it bothered him that after a year AP still entered my mind but that he was glad I told him and that it showed I have changed a lot of my thought process
...is very understanding imho.

Maybe try searching some tech forums. Sometimes I've found better answers there than even the service provider or manufacturer can provide.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3669 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call Apple care, as the manufacturer they may have some info as to how to permanently delete the info from itunes. Once that's done do a master reset on the device.

Now as to whether its progress or setback, well that's for you and your BH to decide. On one hand you were honest, on the other you wanted to contact AP. May I ask have you delved into why you wanted to contact him?


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2644 | Registered: Oct 2012
Hisbunnyonly
♀ Member
Member # 38414
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

May I ask have you delved into why you wanted to contact him?

Combination of the trigger of the holidays and being alone on Christmas night. My impulse has always been to run to the quickest "fix" when something is wrong....during the year of the A, my quickest fix for being lonely, espessiay on the holidays was to run to AP. I have done good in the past year to recognize when I was running for those quick fixes and stop myself from doing so and instead find more permanent fixes even if they take longer to get.


Posts: 75 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: TN
Topic Posts: 7

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