My SAFWH has one local family member. We don't see them often. I invite them, they usually don't show up to birthdays, etc., I never know if they are coming or not, I no longer care. Last year, BIL came to SAFWH's birthday with a six pack. I explained the issue to him. At that time, he may not have understood the situation. That was in March of 2012. That doesn't excuse the gift he left under our tree, dropping it off on Christmas Eve.
A boxed collection of wine... Is he that insensitive, has he completely forgotten the issue, or does he just not give a damn? This is from a guy who grew up in a house where alcoholism was AT LEAST a possibility in one parent....
As the child and sister of alcoholics, though--remember alcohol is right outside the door.
Having it in the house does not make things more dangerous, really. Especially if you pitch it when the boor leaves.
I mean...of course. Have your house the way it makes you comfortable.
The one family member who achieved and maintained sobriety in my family, though, would be the first to say that it's no one's job but HIS to steer clear of alcohol. (This family member lived with our 2 floridly alcoholic parents--and maintained his sobriety nonetheless.)
Some say trying to control the environment is akin to enabling. Yes, it's positive behavior--but it's taking responsibility for someone else's sobriety. Only your son can manage his sobriety.
(Still, I am all for an alcohol free house and at any given time am quite likely to have one. Please don't interpret this as any more than another perspective. I support YOUR support of your son.)
Know that I am caffeine-free. This is why I am as clear as mud. My point is that there's not much point being upset with someone who really doesn't get it. And alcoholism is something most people just don't get. You'd THINK they would, given the prevalence. But even those who've lived with alcoholics usually have no clue how to appropriately confront it.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”
We are just showing by example that alcohol isn't needed and that we care about him.
My father has been an alcoholic as long as I can remember. My older siblings would buy him alcohol for Christmas presents every year because it was the easiest thing to get him. What a practical thoughtful gift.
I'm the only one in my family who doesn't drink. I started drinking when I was 11 y.o. By an early teen, I was drinking every day. After an incident I cut back a lot and then by my 20's I stopped.
My father has gone to AA for many years now, but he still doesn't appear to really understand his problem. Once he got labelled, the gifts of booze stopped coming. But my family still have big parties and get completely plastered in his presence. They wouldn't dream of recognizing their own problems with drinking or altering their behavior.
I agree you can't save an alcoholic by controlling their environment, but I think on the other end of the spectrum it's disrespectful to have parties where alcohol is the main course and drunkenness is the evenings entertainment.
I've learned to let it go. That's them. I can only control myself.
Good luck to your son for his continued sobriety.