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User Topic: I Need To Vent
MammaMia
♀ Member
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to vent...sorry but this is the only place I can do this. I do not want to bother my friend all the time. After all she has her own problems with her H.

Because our sons were out of town for Xmas, we decided to celebrate New Year's when they will be back. So we decided to buy gifts after Xmas.

Today we went out shopping. All was calm until the third store. All of a sudden he got agitated.I kept quiet.... Then we went to the car and we decided to go to one more store tonight and venture out tomorrow all day. In the car we discussed where to eat and we settled we'd have dinner at a barbeque place. I had coupons for that specific place so why not???

He wanted me to cut up the coupons and I wanted to wait till we go to the barbecue place. A stupid argument ensued; granted, it was not the coupons, it was whatever got him started. I really do not know what it was. Something happened that triggered him? Who knows...

Anyway: we got into another argument on the way to the barbeque because I thought we were going to the store and he thought we were going to eat first then to the store. It did not make any sense for us to drive past the store, to go 1 mile down to eat so we can go back the way we came from to go shopping. Totally insane. Well, we did argue over who is not communicating well, about this and that, but no mention of any EA or anything having to do with that.

When we came home we were still angry but we did not argue any more. He went to bed and I am posting here while baking cookies.
Honestly I do not know if I will go shopping with him tomorrow. He can go buy whatever the hell he wants. Don't care. It would have been so much better if I had gone shopping by myself.

Many a time I find myself having more fun without him than with him and it is frightening but true.
Thanks for listening.

[This message edited by MammaMia at 12:07 AM, December 27th (Friday)]


And once the storm is over, you wonít remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you wonít be the same person who walked in. Thatís what this stormís all about.Ē

Posts: 874 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you 100%, is it just another part of the crazy train we are on? I don't know but I can relate to arguments about silly, minor things.
Do you think something earlier bothered your H and instead of addressing it, he let the coupon/dinner thing bother him? I see my WH have triggers that remind him of the devastation he caused. But, I see him not connect the dots to what is going on. I have to bring it up, which bothers him too. I have to point out that he seems to be mad at himself and he can't take that out on me. He usually then sees it. I don't know if that is what you are experiencing, but I was wondering if it was something like that?
I also find "cookie therapy" so helpful! Good for you! Did you get to eat dinner? I hope it went ok if you did, please take care.


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 488 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you are having more fun without him than with him, not just with shopping but in general, my very, very hard won advice is to ....

...listen to that. Pay attention. Explore it.

I looked at your profile but although I've seen you before I don't know that much of your story. If you are in IC, this would Definitely Definitely be something i would address in a big way.

That's important information.

Ignore it at your peril!

That's my 2 cents from someone who ignored that same feeling and lived to regret it in so many ways.

Then again, maybe you guys just can't shop together! :)


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
MammaMia
♀ Member
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the responses.
PinkJeepLady: Lol...we did eat dinner but we hardly exchanged a word.
What do you mean by "cookie therapy?" not familiar with that term.

I do need to get him to connect the dots when it comes to his behavior but I am tired of talking about the EA. If I am tired of talking about it, no doubt he is tired of hearing about it. Truly I am tired of talking about it.

The agonyofit:

Right on when you say I need to explore his behavior. I need to be calm to do so right now is not the time. But it does need to be explored.

[This message edited by MammaMia at 12:34 AM, December 27th (Friday)]


And once the storm is over, you wonít remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you wonít be the same person who walked in. Thatís what this stormís all about.Ē

Posts: 874 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have asked him what was up when he got agitated in the store. I think it's best to address things right away. That can avoid arguments in the future. If he doesn't like to communicate his feelings I don't know what you should do. It's so hard when even little things trigger thoughts of the A. It's like our world revolves around it.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 5

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