H is in a 3 people traditional music band. Two men and one 33 year old woman (the singer). I 've met the singer a couple of times, nothing suspicious. They used to talk bussiness on the phone and fb in front of me. in August 2013 the previous guitar player (they had kicked him out) told me that this April he saw H and his COW in a tavern where traditional music was played. They were just sitting, nothing suspicious. I already had known about that tavern. H told me they went for proffessional reasons. They had recorded the tavern program for proffesional reasons and he handed me the recording. It was too noisy in there, but I managed to clear the rec and hear their conversation. It was normal except one phrase H said: "We are together 1.5 year and I look at you in this way? Why?" They were together in the band for 1.5 year but what was the second part of the phrase???
H confessed that he tried to hit on her but she refused. That was it. Period. Nothing more. Misunderstanding over. They were strictly proffesional. I kicked him out assuming he had a 1.5 year affair with her.
He came back in an hour sobbing and begging. There was NOTHING going on with her. We shouldn't end our marriage over nothing. He said he could bring her in front of me and talk. I refused. He asked me if I wanted him to leave the band. The band brings some income which we need. I said not for now , but keep it strictly bussiness with her.
I implanted voice rec everywhere, spy in pc. nothing suspicious. One day I heard a conversation between them. H asked to leave the band cause I didn't feel OK with it. She said "why? you didn't do anything"!
What do you make out of it?
"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you" Bonnie Kaye
Sorry you find yourself here, Melian40.
I'd sit back and watch what happens. A husband who's been hitting on other woman and is remorseful for this---a man who wants his marriage---will recognize his betrayal for what it is, and work hard to remain in his marriage, making himself the best partner he can be.
Has he made any indication he plans to leave this band? Or that the singer will be leaving? He really shouldn't be hanging around with women he wants to date when he's married. (And I probably am in the minority, but seriously doubt that was the extent of it.)
Plus, the roller coaster between D and R is still going...