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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: EA, PA, nothing, or what??? I need your lights.
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The long story is in my profile, the short is here:

H is in a 3 people traditional music band. Two men and one 33 year old woman (the singer). I 've met the singer a couple of times, nothing suspicious. They used to talk bussiness on the phone and fb in front of me. in August 2013 the previous guitar player (they had kicked him out) told me that this April he saw H and his COW in a tavern where traditional music was played. They were just sitting, nothing suspicious. I already had known about that tavern. H told me they went for proffessional reasons. They had recorded the tavern program for proffesional reasons and he handed me the recording. It was too noisy in there, but I managed to clear the rec and hear their conversation. It was normal except one phrase H said: "We are together 1.5 year and I look at you in this way? Why?" They were together in the band for 1.5 year but what was the second part of the phrase???
H confessed that he tried to hit on her but she refused. That was it. Period. Nothing more. Misunderstanding over. They were strictly proffesional. I kicked him out assuming he had a 1.5 year affair with her.
He came back in an hour sobbing and begging. There was NOTHING going on with her. We shouldn't end our marriage over nothing. He said he could bring her in front of me and talk. I refused. He asked me if I wanted him to leave the band. The band brings some income which we need. I said not for now , but keep it strictly bussiness with her.
I implanted voice rec everywhere, spy in pc. nothing suspicious. One day I heard a conversation between them. H asked to leave the band cause I didn't feel OK with it. She said "why? you didn't do anything"!

What do you make out of it?


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 206 | Registered: Nov 2013
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say maybe nothing because it sounds like he was telling her he had a crush on her and asking her why? I don't know. I'd still be concerned with the fact he was hitting on her, however.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I left the fact that he was hitting on her to deal a little bit later. First, I needed to make sure if it was EA or PA. Not that it makes any difference in the BETRAYAL part, but at least we all deserve to know the truth, whatever it is.


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 206 | Registered: Nov 2013
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds as though he was hitting on her but she wanted nothing to do with him - and that's why nothing happened. Had she taken his cheesy bait, it might be a different story.

Sorry you find yourself here, Melian40.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It could be that he hit on her but "nothing happened" (though "hitting on" a woman while married shows serious boundary issues, and I would want to DEEPLY explore the extent of any similar fishing expeditions), or it could be that the two of them, now that they're aware you're on to them, are working on gaslighting you---making you doubt YOUR judgment.

I'd sit back and watch what happens. A husband who's been hitting on other woman and is remorseful for this---a man who wants his marriage---will recognize his betrayal for what it is, and work hard to remain in his marriage, making himself the best partner he can be.

Has he made any indication he plans to leave this band? Or that the singer will be leaving? He really shouldn't be hanging around with women he wants to date when he's married. (And I probably am in the minority, but seriously doubt that was the extent of it.)


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8682 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My gut agrees with you Solus Sto.
I have nothing solid in my hands yet, but he seemed very upset when I confronted him the first time.
I have that feeling that she adviced him what to tell me. For instance once he said: " Do you have any proof I did something with her? Nothing happened" I asked him to pass polygraph and he said "yes, I will do it."
I still don't trust him though, I keep digging.

Plus, the roller coaster between D and R is still going...


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 206 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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