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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 8 years later, he still thinks I want to be his friend
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today I dropped off DD16 to visit with X and her grandparents. This was not the plan (long story ...) but I did it for DD. So I worked in the morning then drove her 3 hours and turned around and drove home. Fun day...

So when I drop her off, I told her ahead of time that I was not coming in, just dropping her off. When we get there X comes out and hugs her and then pokes his head in the door to say hello and ask me in. I say no, I need to drove home. What follows is a variation of a conversation I have had with him hundreds of times in the past 8 years.

X: Come in for a while and we can talk
Me: No, I need to drive home
X: No you don't! Come in! I haven't seen you for years, we can catch up.
Me: No
X: Come on!
Me: No
X: Come in!! I'll buy you dinner (says then chronically unemployed deadbeat).
Me: No, I need to drive home.
X: No you don't!! Come in
Me: (silence...)
X: Come on
Me: No. I need to leave now (note he still has the door open)
X: (getting pissy) I don't see why you can't come in. Ok. Well bye then. Thanks
Me: You're welcome.

It took ALL of my self control not to peel out of the drive way. The only reason I did not was because DD was still standing there.

The good news is that after 8 years I felt no anxiety. None. I still have to actively refrain from snark, but I will probably always have to do that.

But he seemed genially shocked that I still do not want to be buddy-buddy with him. I don't know how many times I have told him that I am not his friend, I will never again be his friend, and he will never again get any piece of me. And yet he still expects it. Fucking idiot!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17631 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25312 | Registered: Aug 2011
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Cool  Posted: 9:39 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still do not want to be buddy-buddy

But why the hell NOT ???

Oh, Dream I so understand what you are saying.
I'm 6yrs from dday and separation. We average talking maybe once a year and never fails FT gets chatty. The last time was a couple months ago and he needed some info and called.
He started talking about some movie, no FT I have NOTHING to talk to you about !! Never again in my lifetime !

I've become very selective who I consider friends... There is NO XH on my friend list.

The good news is that after 8 years I felt no anxiety. None. I still have to actively refrain from snark, but I will probably always have to do that.

Yep and that my friend feels so good to finally be there 100%.


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20371 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there anyway you can let CSE know where he is and have them arrest him? That'll show him how much you want to be his friend.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4775 | Registered: Feb 2008
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously? I so hope I'm not going to have to deal with that. I'm not even D'd yet .....dang.

Wtg Dreamboat......sink him!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:45 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry - you don't need to put up with that shit and your daughter doesn't need to witness it. I hope he didn't go on about it when they went inside.

I don't know how many times I have told him that I am not his friend, I will never again be his friend, and he will never again get any piece of me. And yet he still expects it. Fucking idiot!

Interesting how the ones who blow it up seem to always end up the ones who want to play nicey nice afterwards.

I guess you have a different perspective when the knife is in your hand.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5557 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess you have a different perspective when the knife is in your hand.

Fucking fucktard. Why do they not get it???


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 751 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you. I agree you should never give him a piece of you EVER. Let him suffer. It obviously bothers him. F--k him let him squirm 8 ,10 ,20 yrs later. He deserves nothing more. They deserve nothing more.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 647 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! I'm surprised that waywards continue to try to be friends even after several years. It's so good to hear that you experienced no anxiety with his bratty bullying!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2195 | Registered: Oct 2012
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My parents have been D since '81. My mom was a WW. She not only thinks she can be friends with Dad, but she's talked about how she'd like to get back together with him.

I hope your X gives up sooner rather than later.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11186 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Topic Posts: 10

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