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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wanting help with conversation frustration
Scorpio2310
♂ Member
Member # 41561
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that it is very wrong to snap at my BSO when she ask me the same questions time and again. I don't like doing it but it frustrating. I would like some ideas on how I might channel that frustration into something constructive instead on snapping at her.

Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Indiana
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BH here and I don't know if this will work for you but may try this mental exercise. Think of it in terms of a bank. You're making deposits into her account. Like any savings you build them up over time, slowly but surely. So each time you answer calmly, openly and patiently you're helping accumulate more deposits with her. Call it trust, love or whatever. The point is that it needs to grow. When you're impatient you withdraw from it.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3670 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
gotmylifeback
♂ Member
Member # 32693
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With my current SO, we have found that writing things out helps. I tend to throw out too many questions and information at her at one time. She gets kinda overloaded and anxious. So, I have tried to write more things down in an email and then she can answer and address each topic more specifically and without the pressure of having to give an immediate response.

If your BSO asks you the same questions repeatedly, there is probably the fear that some day, your answer will suddenly change (trickle truth). Maybe just start writing out your answers in a proactive manner. Dear, BSO I know you frequently ask about... (insert your answer) Sometimes having something in writing can be helpful. Have your written out a timeline?

Based on your registration date, I would assume that dday was very recent. The repeated questions may continue for a while. Think of these times as opportunities to help reassure her. Maybe start telling her the answers in advance, before she asks them.


Her-Unremorseful, Wayward ex wife
Me-No longer a betrayed husband

Happily remarried.

"You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory." - Kuato in Total Recall


Posts: 596 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: between Oz and Wonderland
SlowUptake
♂ Member
Member # 40484
Default  Posted: 3:16 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you done a detailed timeline?

When my BS would ask me questions, I found the anger was a response to the reminder of what a total asshat I had been. The anger came from the guilt.

When I sat down and wrote out the timeline, it forced me to "own it".
The guilt was still there, but the anger went away.

Just something to ponder.YMMV.

[This message edited by SlowUptake at 4:57 AM, December 31st (Tuesday)]


Me:WS,50+
Her:BS,50+ (WantToWakeUp)
Married 33yrs
Dday Dec 2009

"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras

There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.


Posts: 367 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Limbo in Oz
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 3:22 AM, December 31st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would like some ideas on how I might channel that frustration into something constructive instead on snapping at her.

Try to look at it as an opportunity. We have had waywards who are frustrated bc their BS refuses to talk. Yours is talking. And every time she does, you have an opportunity to make her feel better. Even if she is asking hard things, talking is talking. It is bringing you closer. Even when it hurts.....


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1067 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Topic Posts: 5

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