It's a loss and a huge adjustment and that's scary. I know exactly how you feel. It's normal to mourn.
But once it's finally done, think how much relief you will feel to be free of all of it. And don't be so hard on yourself. Look at everything with clarity and be nice to yourself. If you don't feel like going out, don't. Get a snuggly blanket and hold down the couch for the night.
You'll be fine. Believe it. (((soveryweary)))
caelitus mihi vires
"My strength is from heaven"
I know this doesn't help right now, but remember this too shall pass.
This is such a brutal time of year to be alone. I'm struggling, so many here are struggling, right along with you.
Why oh why can't I just get over it already?
Please give yourself more credit than this. There is nothing wrong with you! Infidelity followed by divorce isn't an obstacle you can just climb over by applying enough effort. Its a wound that takes time and lots of self-care to heal.
Just know that you possess within you everything you need to get through this: the courage, the strength, the good loving heart that got bruised but didn't quit beating. You WILL get through this!
I agree with the poster who said going to your old house might not be a good idea. Since you've decided to stay in, and it sounds like your DD won't be spending it with her dad, can she come over and hang out with you? Rent some movies and treat yourselves to something delicious to eat.
Make it a great night, and a fresh start for 2014.
WE ARE ALL GONNA MAKE IT!
Right now is harder than it looks. ~ Van Halen
My NYE will consist of the following (oh, and I'm sick with a cold, which makes it all the more glamorous):
Drop kids at Z-Man's house so they can make more forced Hallmark memories.
Run a few really boring errands.
Go see a movie by myself (a comedy, and I'm bringing Raisinets, so I'm actually looking forward to it).
Come home and have soup and crackers for dinner. That's clearly far more sophisticated than the surf and turf and champagne that others will have to celebrate the new year!
Grade papers until I pass out. Literally. I might stop now and again to check in here and to work on a giant crossword puzzle.
So, you're not alone tonight, and there is NOTHING wrong with you. I was having a unexpectedly bad night myself a few nights ago. Nothing says "Have a good cry" more than watching a slideshow of photos I've taken of my kids over the past couple of years and wondering how it was that I could have married someone so selfish and horrid that would not only do this to me but to OUR KIDS. I look at their little faces every day, and I think, how could you want to deliberately hurt THEM?
But I digress. We're all going to have our slumps. I'm hoping that, ten years from now, I really won't be crying anymore. But at this point? I'm barely two years out from DDay, seven months from the D being finalized. It's early days yet and totally normal to feel like this is hell on earth.