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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: email guilt
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i agree with devastedmom, I would sit down with who wrote the email and ask them to explain which of your actions they are criticizing and make sure they understand who you are dealing with. Polite detachment is hard in some ways but strangely freeing in others. I am using that and often downright friendliness for my in house and it's not too bad.

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I would be highly offended by this email. First, it is no one's business except you and your Ex how you are treating each other and whatever sins you are or are not committing are between you and God.

Second, it comes off as very condescending; like you are both being scolded like a couple five year olds. If this pastor felt compelled to say something like this, it should have been said in person and individually, not in an email addressed to both of you.

I think I would speak to whomever wrote this in private and tell them what the situation is and then I'd probably tell them to mind their own business!

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that you should request a sit down with the email writer or the pastor for 'clarification' of what behavior they find objectionable. I think a lot of it is your STBXH smearing you to the church.

View this as an opportunity to get your side of the story out there. Ask how they would recommend a 'Christian' react to the threats and betrayals he has perpetrated. Yes Christ is about forgiveness, but he also turned over the moneylenders' tables in the temple.

And if this doesn't work out the way you want, there are lots of Christian Churches out there. You're not stuck with just the one.

Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.

Posts: 1853 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
♀ Member
Member # 36399
Default  Posted: 2:08 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I want you both to know that we are paying close attention to the process of this divorce. "

People who spend too much time weeding others backyards, do so because they have too many weeds hiding in their own.

“You can make mistakes, but you are not a failure until you blame others for those mistakes.” -John Wooden

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Canada
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Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should probably start off by confessing that I'm a fire-breathing atheist. I am a very non-confrontational person, but an email like this would invoke a very swift, emphatic, two-word response from me - and those words wouldn't be "Thank You".

However, if your church is important to you, I agree with devastedmom. Years ago, I received an angry email from a boss saying that I obviously hadn't been doing any work for a long time, and he would be watching me to see if I continued.

I printed out the email, calmly walked into his office, closed the door, and said, "I just got your email, and I don't understand."

That gave him the opportunity to explain his ridiculous opinion, and for me to calmly tell him what was really happening. I did that, of course, because I really needed to keep my job.

I mean no disrespect to you when I say this, but if this person can't come up with an explanation that satisfies you, then maybe this isn't the church for you.

Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous

Posts: 2080 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ummm, your church disciplining YOU is completely unbiblical. I'd be looking for a new church. And try to find a Divorce Care near you.

3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know."
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
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