My WW could help but refuses. I know it's my fault for allowing that.
One day at a time....
Also, I felt there was more, and almost three months after I discovered the texting and phone calls (she swore that was it, they were just friends, and it would stop) I stumbled up GPS records that her phone had been recording to her Google account. Long story short: she never stopped talking to him and had been going to one of properties 1-2 a week, and continued to, since before I knew about the texting and phone calls. She still expects me to believe they were just friends.
Two weeks after I confronted her with the GPS records, I called the Inn she was at and they confirmed that the other man was registered there that day (I only gave them his last name, and they provided me with his first name). At that point, I told her to get out. I've felt better since except when I talk to her, which is not often and always initiated by her.
I asked her if she would take a polygraph, and she said "no" immediately. That's all I needed to hear.
Your situation is different than mine because of your kids. But, IMO coming from a home where my parents should have D, you are not serving them well if you and your WW are not getting along. Just something to think about.
One last bit of advice: If you gut tells you there is more, then listen to it. I didn't listen to mine on more than one occasion over the past few months, and I regret it. My gut has yet to let me down.
Hang in there man! You're not alone.
You cannot control her only yourself.
If you are sick of feeling this way then do something about it.
Setup a good MC and take her. Then right after that go for a polygraph.
Do not tell her until you are in the parking lot.
You will get the truth then I assure you.
I was fooled 1000 times and vow never to be fooled again. But hate being paranoid and wasting my time. Anyone else feel this way? And has anyone be able to stop wasting their time with these thoughts and actions? My WW could help but refuses. I know it's my fault for allowing that.
There will come a time, if you respect yourself enough, that you will not tolerate her behavior. It is when you say "ENOUGH!!", and you won't live like this any longer, that you will feel a burden lift from your shoulders.
I understand the *trapped* feeling. I had an unremorseful spouse, two kids(one special needs), and not enough income to live two separate lives. But I eventually hit my breaking point, and came to the point that I would rather blow everything sky-high...and deal with the fallout...than to continue like I was. I deserved better.
YOU DESERVE BETTER.
So---don't accept what she is giving you. If she isn't willing to restore your trust in her, then what are you fighting for? The children? The material world? Like stated before, you kids would do better with a happy, healthy, single father than a household of distrust and animosity. Show your kids the morals that you want them to possess as they grow. I know---easier said than done---but it is the truth.
Almost all of us have done the hypervigilance at one point or another. It is all consuming....and all draining. You become a prisoner to it. But you can free yourself, and like I said earlier, it starts with you caring enough about yourself to not accept what is not right in your household.
If you can't/won't get these minimums from your spouse, your marriage will continue to die a slow death....even if you stay to try to make it work.
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D
Me: fBH 46
Her: exWW 42
DDay: Nov 1, 2012
I said, I am a man.This is war, its about survival and victory. These obsessions- as a result of HER actions, are killing me. Don't let them win.
I have paid my dues. So I did a mechanical mental discipline kind of thing. Thinking of her and her treason was one mental show or channel I'd seen enough of. I would whenever it came up-change the channel in my mind.It is a kind of mind practice, discipline,its not perfect at first but over time,it worked for me. Devise-you're smart, a technique that works.
Be careful Coach. This^^^is called 'rugsweeping'. Please don't do that. You are so new and raw. You must find out what happened in your own life so that you can begin to heal from this shitfest.
There is a reason why you are ruminating...it is because your 'gut' is screaming! You know in your heart that you have not gotten the whole story.
Continue to dig. Do not settle for your WW choosing and controlling your life and history. Do what you can to get to the bottom of her crappy trysts. You must.
You can't heal what you can't feel.
There is no way through this mess except through it. Don't submerge it with fancy mind games. This is real life, not fantasy.
Give your WW real consequences for not coming 'clean' with info. All the info you want. You have a right to know. Don't give that up!
No offence Howie, but this can only work if you 'know everything' that happened. This is not such great advice if the BS does not get the whole story and his 'gut' is screaming...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.