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Newest Member: feistyfiona (44934)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I had an interesting convo
finallymefirst
♀ Member
Member # 41060
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

....with a male friend of mine who has been divorced for 2 years. He said at this point he would tolerate anything, except physical abuse. I told him that I am the exact opposite, I want the best treatment. I want a reciprocal relationship. A nice, warm, caring fun respectful relationship. Not perfect, but healthy.

I told him that maybe he is willing to accept mediocrity because he hasn't had to deal with being cheated on. But I gave him the SI treatment and suggested doing some version of the 180 and learning to like being with himself. I also suggested IC or church lol.

Anyway, the real point of this post is to say that I ran into an old friend who said she ran into exh with ow and they looked happy , I quickly changed the subject. After she left, I teared up, but then I had an epiphany .... She can have him, I want better.


Posts: 120 | Registered: Oct 2013
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you. You do deserve better.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1331 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*hugs*


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She can have him, I want better
. Amen!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3130 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

they "looked" happy....


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9177 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ha! People said that about xpos and me too. Little did they know what was going on. You put on your best face when in public. Or maybe her "farts haven't started to stink yet".

I have a very dear friend who is a clinical psychologist. I asked here why xpos would have changed so much in a few days to have gone from saying he was sorry for all the hurt and wanted to help any way he could, to calling me names, saying I was a worse liar than he, and other horrible things when I hadn't seen or heard from him in between. (Not that I believed he actually meant the nice things or wanted anything from him.)

She said they likely had a fight and he lashed out at me. Her words were that it was likely that the slut's "farts had started to stink"! I loved that description!

Yes, she can have him!!


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2329 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
9.10.11
♂ Member
Member # 36336
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A friend told you they looked happy? What kind of pos friend does that to a person?

You do deserve better, and that is what you'll get.

To your friend who will tolerate anything... the pain of physical abuse will go away, but mental abuse lasts much longer. He's just not "healed" yet. He will figure it out.


Posts: 123 | Registered: Aug 2012
finallymefirst
♀ Member
Member # 41060
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys... I was fine for about a day or so, but now I'm feeling a little down. I was abled to go for days without thinking about him or them. Maybe its the dreary weather lol. Yeah 9.10.11, I really didn't need to hear about their happiness, but time has helped because I'm abled to recover more quickly now. I just hate that its still a sore spot.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Oct 2013
stronggirl72
♀ Member
Member # 37293
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AWESOME attitude!

The thing is, I try to be positive and healthy like that, but we're all human and will undoubtedly have some less than awesome moments during this upheaval.

You're doing this.

[This message edited by stronggirl72 at 6:30 AM, January 6th (Monday)]


"Taking the high road, and doing it with class."

DIVORCED!!


Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2012
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

9.10.11 is right. It's not easy, but is possible to tell people that you don't want to hear it. I've had to get a stronger back bone and do that at times. It helps.

OW here is still a trigger because of all that she's still trying to steal from me. Not because of Perv.

It sounds to me also, like your friend maybe has low self esteem. I hope he can work on it, if he does, so he won't let himself be open to being hurt again and settling. If he could get stronger with himself and his own identity, maybe he would be stronger being on his own and then see the differences like you were describing to him.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
ImEnoughForMe
♀ Member
Member # 41869
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your ex is like mine, remember they put on a really good show.

And it's not a good one. We've seen behind the scenes remember?


Do the best you can do until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. - Maya Angelou

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 11

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