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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: literally - where did you go after you found out??
♀ Member
Member # 40329
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and I were out of town together when I discovered his ONS that occurred the night before (I arrived a day after he did). I got in my car and drove........ No idea where I was going, how I would get there, nobody else knew where I was. I ended up 600 miles from home. I really have no clue how I arrived safely. I stayed there almost a week. I would call the front desk every morning and ask if they would extend my reservation another day. I never turned on the TV, radio or spoke to another human, except when it was absolutely necessary.

WH had texted, called, emailed until finally I said I was somewhere in the middle of the AZ desert. He begged me to come home, said I 'needed' to. But the truth was, I needed to be alone, I needed some time in my own head, with my own thoughts, without the regular daily pressures to deal with.

Since I returned home (We're 5 months from dray) we have been in the same room. Until new information came to light on 12.28.13, that he didn't make "A" mistake. Looks like there was more than 1 ONS! He's killing me with the rugsweeping and TT. I kicked him out of our bed. He's in the guest room and will more than likely be out of the house soon if he doesn't start speaking some truth.

So just like most other responses, you have to do what is right for YOU! Don't make your decision based on fear, I've done some of that..... it's a bad idea. Whatever you need right now, do THAT!


D-Day 1 8/8/13 :: WH was with prostitute, I found the physical evidence 24 hours later.
Much has happened since.
Not sure where we're at....... MC, IC, R'ish

Posts: 214 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest US
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Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Straight to work. I had to do the IT setup for an executive meeting. It's one of the most important things I do at work every month and I was there shaking like a madwoman, my heart pounding in my ears.

I didn't kick WH out, mostly because I didn't trust him not to stay at OW's apartment no matter what he said about being glad that it was over and I wasn't going to reward him with a soft place to land.

But I have no intention of moving out. This is MY HOUSE too, not just WH's, and although WH crapped all over my ownership and my rights to control what happens in MY HOUSE, nobody is going to make me leave it.

If I choose to let go of this house, it will be because I decide to. And it will not be one instant sooner than that.

Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 164 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
♀ New Member
Member # 41848
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On Father's Day, after we put the boys to bed, he told me that he was miserable in the marriage for years but didn't want to hurt me. I was shocked - we never even fought, never discussed divorce, said "I love you" daily, so I knew there had to be another woman, even though he said absolutely not. When he went upstairs to bed, I snuck his phone downstairs and found the texts - she was a 25 year old coworker and they were already at the "you are my one true love, I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together" stage. I was shaking and devastated but I still had enough sense to copy all of the texts onto my phone. Then I looked up as much info as I could about her on the computer - and the fiancée that I discovered she lived with. I sent the fiancée an FB message with a copy of the texts. Then - it was 1 am by this time - I went upstairs and started screaming at him. I allowed him to drag on a pair of pants and gave him his cellphone and his car keys and kicked him right out the fucking door. He spent the first night in his car, texted me all the next day about how he had nowhere to go and hadn't eaten or slept (I had called and reported his debit card stolen so he had no money). He had not one friend whose couch he could crash on - says a lot about the man, doesn't it? - so I allowed him to spend the next two weeks on an old couch in the detached garage until he found a place. That was so surreal - having him out there, not 50 feet from our bed, with my whole life turned upside down.

I can see clearly now, the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shiny day

Posts: 11 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
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Member # 41679
Frustrated  Posted: 2:16 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't remember. We had a few days of TT but when she finally admitted to a one time sexual encounter I blew up. I know the kids ran upstairs out of a fear of their father (towards WW) they had NEVER seen before or since. I told her to get the fuck out and call her loser boyfriend for a one way ticket back to affairland. Then I went up and apologized to the kids for not being good enough for their mother. I forget the rest.

The next memory I have was walking out the door for work the next day. I made sure to tell WW, "THIS is what I do. This is what I've always done. I put on my uniform, go to work, support you and the kids the best I can. And how you repay me. I give you a life 99% of women would KILL for, and you risk it all for a lousy screw with a fat, old, impotent loser. You make me fucking sick"...or something like that.

BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
♀ New Member
Member # 41889
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out via text from his exW & ask him via text if it was true that her newborn twins were his. His text reply was "they may be". I freaked out and started crying, my husband came upstairs and I started smacking him on his shoulders and screaming. I called my mom and told her to come get our daughter. I sat there and cried until my mom arrived and after they left I yelled at my husband for hours and throw every picture off the wall that was just me and him or was related to our wedding. By bedtime I went to sleep in our room and we went to the spare room. The night day my mom brought our daughter back home and I was admitted to the hospital for depression. I spent 3 days in the hospital and then came back home. I gave my h a list of marital conditions for him to follow which he agreed. About 10 days later he broke one of them and I learned new information about the A and I packed up my stuff and daughter's and we moved to my parents for 6 weeks before we moved back in with my H. Sometimes I wonder if I'm still with him because I have no were else to go and I don't want my daughter growing up in a broken home.

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Davenport, IA
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Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We stayed at our home. W have two young kids. And We had guests from out of the country with us for Christmas. In a bit of a blessing, we had a ski cabin for a handful of days after Christmas. We gave our master bedroom to our friends and slept in bunk beds in the room where are kids slept. (2 sets of bunk beds) I couldn't sleep, but was comforted by my kids' breathing.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ Member
Member # 41924
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found out this xmas eve, like 930pm so i didnt go anywhere,wen confronted he just looked like deer caught in the headlights.xmas day i put on as happiest face i culd for my kids, WH spent the day either ass kissin doin chores i didnt ask him to do,or at his grandmas(wh grandma lives in an attached granny unit on our property) so he was with his family alot of the day thank god. Day after xmas kids went to mother in laws for 2 day which had thankfully already been planned,and while WH was @ work i booked the BEST EXPENSIVE hotel i culd in my area,asked for the BIGGEST MOST EXPENSIVE room available, and left.didnt tell ny1 but my MIL(Since she had my kids i felt i shuld tell her,big mistake lol) ,1st i soaked in the huge jacuzzi tub forn 2 hrs, then ordered room service(hadnt eaten since day bfor xmas eve already,dnt eat much to begin with but coffee lol) ordered 5 items from room setvice cuz i wanted 2 try little of it all,ended up takin literaly 1 bite of each,so 5 bites and threw it up 3 minutes later. Then ordered a movie,big mistake cuz didnt read what it was about and of all things it was about a woman who trying to start over after her husband had multiple affairs; so i went to bed and well WH did txt me wen he got home around 6, ask where i was and i told him since he spent the last 3 months lying 2 me bout what he been doin so he lost the right to know my whereabouts, and he txtd and called and begged 2 know i refused, well he got it out of my dear MIL where i was,and he showed up with an overnight bag! Ya fn right dude! I let him in so we "culd talk" but he didnt wana tell me anything still so i sent him on his way,next day i booked most expensive spa package @ hotel,massage,facial,reflexology,mud bath,the works, i DID enjoy my day @ the spa but i was miserable,so i relented and went home ,WH kept txtng me telling me please come home this is your home where u belong,course i was tellin him the same thing, that is your home where YOU BELONG but that didnt stop u from playin house with some tramp piece of shit. I kept telling WH i had to stay @ hotel cuz i already paid for 3 nights,he kept telling me its just money please come home,finaly i did,didnt stay the 2nd night i paid for,total hotel bill was over $900 and i felt good to spend it,felt like i was telling him FU in a way by spending that money on ME, nyway thats my long story

WH: 39/BW:Me,32
Married 14 years in March, 2 Beautiful children 8 & 12
D-Day: Xmas Eve 2013-worst day of my life

"The most expensive thing in th world is TRUST, it takes years to earn and just a matter of seconds to lose"

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: santa rosa ca
♂ Member
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like a moron. I stayed in the home to R for 7 months while she continued to lie and cheat. LIMBO hell.

For one week I called in sick and just drove around. I put like 500 miles on my truck that week.

[This message edited by PRNDL at 8:37 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]

BH: 35 (me)
WS: 30 / OM: 30
Son: 11
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sat in my leather wing back chair for over 24 hours. I do not think he noticed. He went back to work and kept up appearances while I fell apart. I do not think I slept for 3 days. I finally drank enough that I passed out. He put me to bed and I do not remember it. I am not a drinker but I had to kill the pain. He found an IC by the end of the week. I think I scared him to death.

Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.

Posts: 1526 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
♀ Member
Member # 40361
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was overseas, waiting to see my son and me for a vacation. I found out by reading his emails on his computer. I called him and told him what I knew. On the emails he had been begging her to come to him for a time before we, his family arrived. (he was there for work.) I told him the vacation was off, and that he could not come back to the house. He never did. He lived with relatives, and rented a place nearby. I was so distraught that I went to bed for about three months. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep without pills, cried and cried and cried. But I stayed home--or if I had to go into town I would text him to make sure he wasn't in town too. I couldn't bear the thought of running into him. Home was the only safe place for me--so long as he was not there.

You will find your way--just pay attention to your what your heart needs. Don't be afraid of pain--the best way out is through. At least it was for me,

Me: 58, SAHM
Him: 58, LTA 2.5 years
Married 9 years, together 15
Dday: June 11 2013
DD 9 years

Posts: 57 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40410
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was on the phone w my boss when I found the emails. I actually told him first as he asked me a question and because of reading the emails I wasn't answering him. Two years later he's still my boss and I'm still incredibly embarrassed by that.

I then called my bff, she managed to (literally) pick me up off the floor, helped me pack and called my mom, and then I drove to my parents, not a short commute, all at about 1 am by that point.
He never came home as he was with her, I was texting him questions as I was driving as I was in complete shock. I never text and drive, I have no idea how I didn't hurt myself or something driving like that.

I got to my parents house and I realized my mom must have been in a panic waiting there for me (my dad was out of town on business), she came literally running to meet my car. I stayed there for 2 days and made my mom sleep in my bed with me, I was terrified without her. I still cannot believe I had such a feeling of fear.
Then the next day was a Friday and I had a big report due for my VP, so I just went back to work as usual as it was one place to make me feel semi normal. It's still my safe place.

Bottom line is, it all varies. Whatever you do, think of yourself, be as kind to yourself as you can. Focus on you, not your WW.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 41522
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After kicking him out, I stayed in the house with the kids. I was on autopilot...I have no idea how I survived that day. I was on auto pilot, but had a breakdown in the shower.

Kids ages: 2 and 5
Married: 8 years
DDAY: Dec 1 2013
Affair: 2 months EA and PA
Status: Separted. Sigh...I wish I could forgive 😞

Update: attempting to reconcile

Posts: 225 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 52
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