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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I may be the mean one
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel no guilt for my actions this morning and some part of me thinks I should but I will not.

I have made it clear over and over to exass that he is never to step foot in my new home. It drives him crazy. He still has managed to peep in the windows (he accused me of having a rug he wanted?) and dropped off kid's clothes, not on the porch but though a gated yard onto a deck with french doors in the back of the house. How did he know this was in my back yard anyway? But he told me he didn't look into the house. Right?

This morning at 5 AM he picked up DD to drive her to the airport to return to college. I am in my pj's in the kitchen when he knocks and waves an envelope in front of the window. I know it is the child support check.
I open the door only wide enough to stick my hand out, grab the envelope and shut the door. It is below 0 outside.
I will not ever allow him to step foot in this house no matter that he is driving our daughter to the airport at an ungodly hour in bone chilling temps.
I can see him telling his friends that I shut the door in his face and left him to stand in the cold. I can hear them commiserating with him about what an angry unforgiving bitch I am.

But I don't give a damn!
All I envision for those familiar with The Lord of the Rings movie is the scene when Gandalf confronts the demon from hell and announces "You Shall Not Pass"!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1589 | Registered: Mar 2004
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fail to see what's wrong with this scenario


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I don't see what's wrong with that scenario, either. He knows he's not to come in. Girl, get yourself a No Trespassing sign & post it!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9317 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same reason I stayed with the SA/NPD jerk for so long. I was raised to be forgiving, kind, and a nice person! I see this action on my part as totally getting over that dogma as far as the ex is concerned. In the past I would have let him stand in the hallway.

Just realized that I should have posted this in NB! Ding, ding light bulb over my head!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1589 | Registered: Mar 2004
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that when I buy my home for IrishLad and myself, xWH will not be welcome inside. I know him and if he sees how well I have done on my own, how nicely the house is furnished and decorated, he'll want it, he'll want to live there, he'll believe that he deserves to have what I worked so hard for. No way in Hell. This new home is going to be IrishLad and my fortress of solitude, no soul suckers allowed!


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1677 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you for setting a firm boundary and sticking to it!! That makes you strong, empowered, and in charge of your surroundings, not "mean."

If he has a problem with it, too bad!!


Me: Looking forward to the future
Him: Left behind in the past

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling


Posts: 675 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see nothing wrong with this and, frankly, am impressed. Stick to your boundaries rfm - FTG.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4380 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Infinite Sadness
Member
Member # 6528
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you!


Infinite Sadness not to trust an old friend. Dick Francis
D Day #1 12/10/03 Long term A, thought R successful
D Day #2 12/10/13 (Yup, the 10 year anniversary)

Posts: 195 | Registered: Feb 2005
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you! He waved that check at you in order to get you to open the door and let him in. It didn't work.

My ex keeps giving me cash even though the legal docs say the CS must be paid by bank direct deposit. It's a control thing.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you!

I hope he dressed warm.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 486 | Registered: Nov 2013
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j @ jem:
My ex keeps giving me cash even though the legal docs say the CS must be paid by bank direct deposit. It's a control thing.

Does the guy not realize how badly you could screw him over and cause a bunch of brain damage for him over this????
end t/j

I can see him telling his friends that I shut the door in his face and left him to stand in the cold. I can hear them commiserating with him about what an angry unforgiving bitch I am.

But I don't give a damn!


Good.For.You.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 9:58 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7706 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job, Rising. Even if you were one, he has earned an unforgiving bitch as an ex.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1708 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see you as being mean. He needs to learn to respect your space and stay out of it. He's lucky you don't make him wait in the road.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4703 | Registered: Feb 2008
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A little misty-eyed here. I applaud all of us on this journey. There is always a bottom line. I have declared mine.
He will not step foot in my home. Ever.
But damn he keeps trying. Good Luck!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1589 | Registered: Mar 2004
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do You Mean That Some D or LS BSs Actually Let Their Xs In???

[This message edited by StillLivin at 10:50 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2181 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pardon my t/j

Do they all try to just waltz through the door?

Him: This is my house!

Me: Uh, dude, this was your house... until you moved in with your girlfriend...


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 486 | Registered: Nov 2013
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I believe they all feel entitled to waltz thru the door. Even if I purchased this house after the divorce he thinks that he got screwed in the judgement therefore he has some "claim" to my home.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1589 | Registered: Mar 2004
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he has some "claim" to my home.

And perhaps in some twisted way, he also feels a certain *claim* on you.....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7706 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 1:35 AM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


All I envision for those familiar with The Lord of the Rings movie is the scene when Gandalf confronts the demon from hell and announces "You Shall Not Pass"!

I know this scene well and it's AWESOME!

Wish I could do this


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
BrighterFuture
♀ Member
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 1:47 AM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do the same thing. I don't allow Wayward ex in my apartment when he comes to pick up DS. I feel mean sometimes but firm boundaries have to be established on my part for my own healing. He actually calls me mean, but I remind him that he's the mean one. What he's put me through surpasses any meanness he gets from my end.


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 335 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 35
Pages: 1 · 2

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