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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 1st sex since dday
Crushed66
♀ New Member
Member # 40005
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, the new years brought some triggers. The whole resolution thing. I smart assed asked him if his resolution was to finally be faithful. Then I felt bad for doing that. Well, new year's eve, we finally had sex after over a year and a half of no sex. It was enjoyable, but afterwards, I had this rush of hatred, anger, just raw emotion of how in the hell could he have done that with someone else...

Please tell me it gets better each time. It just brought back so many painful feelings, I'm not sure I want to do it again.

And then, of course, I am just angry about the whole thing and giving him the cold shoulder so we had this awful fight tonight where he told me I was unemotional (that was one of the nicer things said actually). I know I appear unemotional, but I am just feeling a lot of resent right now that makes it hard for me to be nice to him. How does everyone get past the resentment?

[This message edited by Crushed66 at 10:48 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]


BW-Me 34 yrs old
FWH - Him 36 yrs old
2 kids - 1 and 5 years old
Married for 7 years, together for 8 1/2

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2013
meplusfour
♀ Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, January 4th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((crushed66))

Sex is such a double edged sword. On on hand, it is a way to feel closer to a WH, to make a connection without words. On the hand, it brings out feeling of sadness, anger and resentment as it is a reminder that he shared these intimacies with someone else. For me, on occasion, I found that I would either pick a fight with fWH the next morning or find refuge in anger as I was feeling vulnerable. As time passed, and I saw how fWH was changing for the better I was able to deal with the emotions following sexual relations.

Be gentle with yourself. It is hard to share yourself with someone who has hurt you badly. What you are feeling is normal, especially when you have waited to resume a physical relationship. As time passes and if you fWH continues to do what you need him to do to help you heal and fix his issues that led him to his A, the resentment may subside. It may help if you share your feelings with him.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 356 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
nick1234
♂ Member
Member # 41946
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wanted to reply to this post because I dont know how I feel about sex after either. But my experience was very different. Let me start by saying that it has only been two weeks since I found out about her EM. I wanted to go out to dinner and have some alone time with her to see how it would be. So we had a nice dinner and talked like we haven't talked to each other in a long. She opened up to me and told me about things that bothered her about the present and past. I know about these things we had talked about them before but never in the depth we did that night. We also played some black jack at the casino by our house. This was great because it was a new experience that we both shared.
Sorry I'm rambling but I will get to the point. After we got home we had sex and it was mind blowing. She told me what she wanted and liked in bed which even in our best times she wouldn't do. It was truly a great night I didn't think about what had happened at all.
But now I feel as if it was a false sense of security and should I really have had such a good time with this person that hurt me so bad and so recently? I also feel weak and vulnerable for letting myself have a good time. i feel mad because she had a good time, does she deserve to have a good night. A lot of mixed emotions which I know I will have because its so new. I just dont know if this is a healthy way to go about things?

Posts: 70 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 3

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