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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Vengeance ... or stupid mistake?
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MissMoneyPenny's post about hating the OW 4years out hit me hard. Today I've been toying with messaging the bf of one of STBX's OW, to let him know she told my STBX that even tho she was dating him, she was open to meeting STBX for a rendezvous. I have pictures of that fb message. I am so torn, it would be such a sweet feeling ... but the fall-out may be more than I want to deal with.

Thoughts?


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
TrustedHer
♂ Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX

You've decided to divorce.

Why would you invite OW back into your life?

I feel bad for her new BF, but I don't see the fierce moral argument for warning him at this point.

Especially if your motivation is vengeance, not out of consideration of his feelings.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5139 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Remember - Emotional detachment.

That also means the emotion of anger. Just work on your own, heal. Exercise or do something physical to get rid of the feeling.

Stay above the fray. As @TrustedHer said, you don't want to invite drama into your new life.

The best revenge is living well.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 688 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks TrustedHer & GotPlayed - that's what I needed to hear. I really KNEW that, which is why I posted here instead of pm'ing the bf. Living Well, I'm trying, today it's just hitting me hard, feeling down. I did some exercise, guess I need to do more!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ride through the wave. It will pass and the urge will go away.

The best revenge is living well - indifference will get you there.

I had an draft email ready and waiting to go outing OWIndianSheMan (DD OW) to every religious and cultural group in her hometown. I remember researching it, finding all of the email addresses, typing them out and then crafting a fantastically damaging email.

None of that felt anywhere near as good as deleting that draft a few months later.

It is difficult but we have to evict the OW/OM and X out of our hearts and minds completely.

I still have anger towards all of them but its more in an 'you are an affront to the sisterhood' way. Not in that primal injured animal way.

I've been 'lucky' in that the OW have all been invisible to me. None of them were my friends. It sure would be harder to be indifferent if they were in my face all the time, but I'd still be working hard to evict them.

The biggest impact on my level of indifference isn't their actions, it is mine.

I cringe whenever I read posts of venom towards the AP. I do laugh at the funny ones but others make me sad. I wouldn't want to make them or X anywhere near that important.

'Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.'

^^This has bounced around my head from the moment I first heard it.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5533 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Revenge fantasies are more fun and always safer than the real thing. No drama, no legal issues, etc.
We need another revenge fantasy thread in here! I'll contribute.

Posts: 4693 | Registered: Dec 2009
Topic Posts: 6

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