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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: She must have been lying
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my boys arrived at my parents farm on Dec 26, they realized they had forgotten my xmas present. 13 had also forgotten his elastics for his braces.

I told them since it was still two days until The Princess was leaving for her Cuban fuckfest (possibly paraphrased), they should text her and ask her to mail them to my apartment. So they did. The next day, she said that she mailed everything.

Nothing has arrived yet. Just a few minutes ago, before she came to get them, 13 brought this up. He kept his eyes on his shoes as he said, "She must have been lying."

10 said, "Mom wouldn't lie about something like that, would she?"

13 was just quiet. No response.

I haven't told them she cheated - and she won't even admit she did - so there has obviously been something in their recent experience to prompt this.

I've gotten very good at pretending conversations about her just aren't happening, but I'm not sure if there is anything I should be addressing here. Should I ask 13 about this next time they're here?


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
ruby44
♀ Member
Member # 41135
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its a sad day when the kids realize that their parent is a liar. Mine did too. more sad then angry but very angry too. Especially when he lies about wanting to see them and I won't let him. So sorry for what your boys are going thru. My oldest knows about dad's affair because he was less than discreet when they were visiting him at his apartment. She is so disappointed in him but fortunately, we are close to grandpas and uncles that are great role models for her. I hope she finds a husband the exact opposite of her dad.
As for your question, I always ask if they have any questions and if they do they find me and ask. I promised them I would be truthful. So so sorry. It is a difficult lesson for our innocent kids.


Me BW 52, Him WH 48
Married 13 years,
2 DDs (12 and 10)
D-Day Confirmed 10/24/13 suspected before that but did not want to believe it.
WH filed for D 11/12/13
2/8/14 WH asked if he could come home. We are slowly working toward that but are still

Posts: 262 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Midwest
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Poor DSes. That's amazing that DS13 would put it that way. Talking with them about it at the time would probably be fine, but after the fact might feel like "pumping". Just make sure they know they can talk to you about anything.


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
Divorcing! Stupid in house separation though

Posts: 864 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good point, CL. The Princess was going to arrive any minute, so I gave the safe-ish response of "I can't imagine why she would lie about that", but now I worry that I may have seemed to invalidate 13's feelings.

[This message edited by pass at 6:38 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ruby, 13 has already told me multiple times (unsolicited) that he feels he can talk to me about anything - and does he ever! So I feel as though I've definitely left the door open.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are they in counseling? This is stuff they should be talking with a counselor about. It keeps you out of the middle and still allows them to process.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13203 | Registered: Jul 2011
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Ama,

Unfortunately, I only have my boys on the weekends, so I am unable to take them to counselling. The Princess thinks she can handle it on her own, since she is a teacher, and trained as a guidance counsellor.

Of course, they don't fucking talk to her!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
imwideawake
♀ Member
Member # 23386
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know how we tell each other to trust our gut here? Your DS13 was listening to his when he looked down. As the mother of my children, with all the lessons I've learned, I acknowledge, affirm and tell my girls to trust their gut when ever possible. I'm sorry that your children's mother is a liar. I am sorry for them. All of our kids have that same realization to make one day.

[This message edited by imwideawake at 7:11 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]


Together 17 years.
Married 15
Me: BW, now 44
Him WH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now 19, 17, & 15
Divorced 12/04/12

Posts: 876 | Registered: Mar 2009
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she is a teacher, and trained as a guidance counsellor.

God help the children in her care

They will probably ask her about it and may talk to you next weekend about what she said. So be ready. Be ready to explain the different reasons that people lie. Specifically, that some people wished they had done something so they tell themselves and others that they did do it to make themselves feel better. And make sure that you emphasize that lying is never acceptable and that you will not tolerate lying in your home.

Good luck!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17291 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
PurpleBirch
♀ Member
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. When you mentioned that the Princess had two weeks off over Christmas break I wondered if she was a teacher... Even if she's been trained as a guidance counselor, that doesn't mean that she's the best person to talk to the boys (who as you say won't talk to her about this). There's a reason why medical practitioners aren't supposed to treat family members... Objectivity. Ugh. Your poor boys.


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a fight I'd take up in court, personally. Especially if you ever want to make a play for more custody. Their counselor would make your greatest ally in documenting her crap.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13203 | Registered: Jul 2011
PhoenixRising88
♀ Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((pass's babies))))

Pass, I believe from what you've shared with us about the Princess to date that she does indeed qualify to move to the front of line and receive her "DINK" status.

[This message edited by PhoenixRising88 at 7:45 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 408 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do your boys go to the school that she works in? If not, call the school and speak to the nurse. A guidance counselor is not the same thing as a counselor. Let the nurse know about the divorce (you don't need to go into detail) ask the nurse if there is a program that they could avail themselves of a trained counselor.

smh, she's a mess ... of course she was lying, her mouth was moving!!


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

smh, she's a mess ... of course she was lying, her mouth was moving!!

Exactly what I was thinking! She lied to me for years, and probably lies to herself to justify all her actions throughout our marriage. Why would I expect her to NOT lie to our kids?

I ended up texting 13 about his comment last night. I assured him that I'm not digging for nasty things to say about his mom, but that I was just wondering if there was a reason for it, and if he wanted to share it with me. He said he was joking.

I'm sure that's a dodge (having used it many times when I was a teenager), but have left it alone. I told him that he can talk, or text, me about it any time.

Fuck! Her infidelity is just the gift that keeps on giving.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps she's already spun it to the kids that you are the cheater. Or maybe she's spun it that you are divorcing because you want to be happy & don't care about the kids. 'Cuz, you know, the shit that comes out of her mouth is an awful lot like the shit that comes out of my ex's mouth.

Be prepared.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8792 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps she's already spun it to the kids that you are the cheater. Or maybe she's spun it that you are divorcing because you want to be happy & don't care about the kids. 'Cuz, you know, the shit that comes out of her mouth is an awful lot like the shit that comes out of my ex's mouth.

Wow, NG, your ex did that? I would totally lose my shit. I don't even know what I would do.

Be prepared.

How would you be prepared if you were me?


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 16

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