Because all this seems so surreal sometimes, I wonder what movie I am in...
It always starts out the same.
STBX cheats with obnoxiously young girl and blows up my life. He moves out and I start begin my new journey as a single working mom.
Then I have to decide what type of movie I am in...
The Lifetime Movie:
Little OW turns all SWF. Cuts her hair to look like me. Changes her FB profile pic to be identical. I see her outside my house.
Then I enlist the help of the handsome detective. Of course he is handsome. And of course, one night OW gets super stalky and DD and I must stay at handsome detective's house. And of course, he has to take off his shirt. But he sleeps on the couch. He is, after all, a gentleman and it is only a Lifetime movie.
The end comes when OW attempts to fully assume my role and, in a battle royale, handsome detective saves the day and arrests her. Handsome detective and I live happily ever after.
The Indie Movie, maybe?
In my struggle as a new single working mom, I come across a quirky yet lovable struggling soul just like myself. He isn't ugly, but not attractive (but let's be fair, it's Joseph Gordon Levitt in glasses).
My side-kick is a hippie with an off-kilter but spot on view of the world. Her viewpoints are tactless and off the wall, but at the my most low, are exactly what I need to hear.
JGL and I fall madly deeply in love through our unconventional dates and random conversation. But something happens which makes me think he isn't who he says he is.
He tries to explain but the damage is done, all is lost, surely I will die alone... Until my side kick says "Even a zebra can get confused by stripes" and suddenly all is clear.
I find JGL. Discover all he was hiding is that he is a millionaire and we live happily ever after.
The Rom Com?
In my struggle as a new single working mom, I come across a handsome and charismatic guy. Played by... oh... Robert Downey Jr
My side-kick is a well to do business woman (single and proud). Her viewpoints are spot on and she takes no prisoners when expressing her opinions. She is always delivering advice in the middle of random actions. Like driving a race car. Or building a house. Or feeding bears.
RDJ seems to hop from woman to woman. Until he tries to hop me. But I won't give into his charms. They don't work on me.
He is beguiled by the fact that I don't seem to get right into bed with him. He is intrigued. he tries everything. Flowers. Fancy dates. Helicopter rides. Nothing works. I won't even get on the helicopter. I laugh and walk away.
It seems hopeless, he will never gain my affection. I am going to slip away forever. Oh, because I am moving away.
RDJ solicits some advice from my side kick. She tells him that I can see through the BS (due to my past, of course) and that he needs to just be straight with it. As she is in the middle of cage diving with a shark.
As I am about to board a plane... or go through security with all the rules the way they are...
He comes to tell me how he feels from the heart. And it works. I kiss him. And we live happily ever after.
This is what happens when I am alone too long with a computer...
[This message edited by littlefoggy at 10:36 PM, January 5th (Sunday)]
Love the creativity that comes from this absurdity.
and it's funny because today I purchased my first ruined relationship theme song for 99 cents... Wasted Days and Wasted Nights, Freddy Fender.
As for movies, well during my JFO raging phase, i was a character in my mind in a horror film, in the slasher genre! Oh yes. I wish I could have been more creative with werewolves or vampires, even zombie eating or especially moralistically retributive!
Now I'm not writing any movie scripts in my mind, but your post has inspired me to dream a little dream and imagine some light melodramas! All happy and light though. : )
We are a power couple that everyone knows but there are issues below the surface. Then, my STBXH cheats with a desperate and not so cute nurse and keeps it from me. But I eventually find out, ruin his career, have her fired, and have hot call-room sex with a new-in-town plastic surgeon with a six pack.
Sundance Film Festival
STBXH runs off with OW and I become an artist, try IV drugs and end up living on the street for a bit before I realize I'm really a lesbian after all and fall hard for a cop who befriends me.
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
I am years past my D when I discover that OW now lives in an 100 year old house. While she is trying to renovate strange things occur. Tools mysteriously go missing and then reappear. Red paint mysteriously drips down a wall. A worker falls off a ladder and refuses to return because he swears he was pushed. She finds doors locked and windows opened. She thinks there may be a ghost but no one will believe her. Then late one night she hears a noises in the basement and takes a flashlight to investigate (while the audience screams "Don't go into the basement!!") She falls down the steps and then is attacked by a blood covered clown. She struggles and screams and the lights and sound fades...
The next scene is her sitting in a chair in a robe looking vacantly out a window. One nurse asks another what happened -- "Nobody knows. She was found in the basement rocking back and forth and she hasn't spoken since."
The final scene is me throwing a clown mask into the dumpster in an alley and then jauntily walking down the city street.
The Angsty Cult Sci-Fi Drama
You have to be X-Files fan for this to mean much, and I'm not going to get all creative with it but it would be fabulous to have a partnership with the level of trust, respect, chemistry, devotion and ultimately love Mulder and Scully possess for one another. And a real nice twist would be to have xpoopsmear abducted by aliens and never seen again.
I become the leader of a gang of bad, bad, girls. Who are all super hot. We abduct OW, kick the shit out of her, cut off her her hair, make her run off for good, fearing for her very life & limb. HX gets tortured, emasculated, hog-tied and left on the side of the road. XH can never get over his shame at being bested by a bunch of broads, slinks off into the desert. We all ride off laughing in a gorgeous vintage Mustang, looking fantastic, wearing too much black eyeliner.
I move to a new town to start my post D new life. I'm jaded about men: don't trust the charmers, see through their lines etc. One of the local men gets in a tizzy about being snubbed, most other women fall at his feet. I just give him crickets.
I get to know one of the neighbours. He's a bit older but still a bit hot. He's widowed. I've bought a doer upper and it's more of a money pit than I thought. He helps out and we gradually become friends, but I'm still guarded.
I start to hear rumours that neighbour guy was cheating on his wife before she died in a car crash. I ask him about it. He refuses to talk. It seems like our friendship is broken.
Local ego kibble guy comes round drunk to try and get into my pants. While I'm refusing to let him in the house, he lets it slip that neighbour's wife was the one cheating - with him. In that moment I'm stunned and he pushes me into the house.
I start fighting him off and screaming. He tells me that no-one blows him off. Then he tells me that he cut the brake cables on neighbour's wife's car when she dumped him.
At that moment neighbour guy bursts in and deals with psycho guy and we wait for the police. What psycho guy didn't know,was that as I went to answer the door to him, I had a VAR in my pocket and it recorded everything. He's nailed.
Neighbour guy helps me tidy up after the fight,we get close. We kiss. We carry on tidying up, both with big grins on our faces.
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse'
OW1 - EA - my friend
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
Thanking God for showing me how to smile & dance in the rain
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.
Only my Uma Thurman has been wrongly portrayed as crazy by cheating POS Luke Wilson. His OW Hannah Lewis/Anna Faris accidentally kills him during sex since she can't control her newly aquired powers. And I, as Uma/G-Girl, live happily ever after with my Eddie Izzard/Professor Bedlam. Proving once and for all that intelligence and fidelity towers over height and dimples. (STBXH is 6'4")