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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Broke nc but am glad
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, January 5th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SAWH has asked me several times today if we could talk. I ignored his requests. Finally I agreed to talk for a bit. I do realize I've threatened him so many times and never meant it clealry - he might be confused. Yeah - that's putting it mildly. Mind you he is living away, supposedly working on his SA recovery.

He asked how we "figure us out and build a new relationship." wow - his latest attempt at sobriety started Friday but I have no faith it's real - his words show the addict. he says he is there, recovering but he likes to think at some point we will reunify and we can continue with that.

ME - neither of us is in ANY position to even THINK about that - for a LONG time (we are Seperated but I decided to hold off on filing - I'm fixing me - he isn't my concern)
SAWH- I didn't mean it was soon - just seems like we are just so business like - its weird (Ii won't answer personal questions - always polite but it is business only)
ME - that's what we are
SAWH - it feels like overkill to me

WOW!!!! Did he REALLY actually say that?!?!? He has cheated on me our ENTIRE relationship, Tortured me in a false R for 15 months while cheating on me STILL, he FAKED sobriety after his admission of being a SA last month and me only speaking to him about the household stuff IS OVERKILL?!?!? Holy hell. I shouldn't be shocked yet I am. All I said was of course you think it's overkill would you like me to file for divorce? He said no (translate he wants to keep his family AND his addiction. Where do they come up with this stuff????


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sodamnlost,

I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you.

This is so hard isn't it?

I am going to file this morning. I am still in shock that he was lying for 5 months, even in his own IC.

NC really is the best for us. It is very hard to maintain though. It feels unnatural.

Just wanted to give a hug.

(((sodamnlost)))


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1321 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 6:27 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to file this morning.

(((((((Can))))))))

I'm so sorry!


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The shit that comes out of their mouths is amazing. The complete lack of self-awareness or empathy, astonishing.

This is exactly why we question our own sanity sometimes. I honestly thought I was the crazy person. I had allowed myself to be gaslighted and did a fair bit of it to myself for so long that as my fog cleared I was virtually blinded by what I saw. Blinded.

Sad Clown: I know you can't believe me right now and I completely understand that given what I have done. But you just HAVE to trust me <<that I had full disclosure>>. I can't be in a M without trust.

Me: Yeah, me either.

I almost laughed out loud. I wish I had. I was sobbing too hard to laugh.

Overkill? You betcha. It really is the only way to get rid of parasites.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sodamn, Thinking of you. My exWH is also an SA. He was never truly in recovery. Can I ask, are you doing anything to work on you? COSA? S-ANON? Co-Dependents anonymous?


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15318 | Registered: Jun 2006
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sodamn, Thinking of you. My exWH is also an SA. He was never truly in recovery. Can I ask, are you doing anything to work on you? COSA? S-ANON? Co-Dependents anonymous?

I have a new IC who specializes in spouses of SA starting Wednesday. I have been reading. I have been really focusing on breaking the addiction I seem to have to his addiction/recovery. I am working on purging him from my life. I can't do meetings right now - my van has no heat and I have thyroid issues making me always cold. It's BITTER cold here now. I am finally starting to see JUST how damn codependent I am.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sodamn - some meetings have people that will come and pick you up. Think of it this way - if you had cancer, would the heater not working in your car be the reason you didn't get chemo?


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15318 | Registered: Jun 2006
BAB61
♀ Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can sign up for COSA on-line, that's what I've done. I am in IC, and also going to DivorceCare Meetings once a week. For now that will do.


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is a SA. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. I just wanted to say that some of us who have been with a SA don't necessarily need COSA or Al-non. We definitely need support for healing but whether we are truly co-dependent remains to be seen.

I am in just regular IC and its fabulous! I am more focused on me and my future, even though SAWH is making life a living hell because I am the *itch who ratted him out to everyone with his porn and such (during the early days).

Anyway, hugs to you. Be kind to yourself.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 9

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