BS here, however I post in this forum quite a bit due to the insight I've gained, and a long long time ago before I was married, I was an OW.
I also responded to two of your posts because I was taken aback by your response.
The thing is Daisy, it appears to me by reading your posts that you're VERY angry and bitter. I get that I guess. You say you own your choices, yet at the same time you blame your husband in the next breath for EVERYTHING. You had a choice though, to leave the marriage LONG before you ever had an affair. You didn't, you chose to stay married and have an affair and now you resent the position that you are in.
Now, you're taking that anger, resentment and bitterness at your husband and PROJECTING it at other BS's here. That is why I took issue with a couple of your posts yesterday.
Here's the thing. Not every BS is an abusive asshole. Yes, sometimes a BS lashes out (God knows I have), but that is a TINY snippit of one interaction, and you're only getting one side of the situation. Then, what you're doing is only looking at that ONE post, not looking at the WS previous posts, or profiles to see the back story. People who have been here longer? We know their past, and understand WHY the BS may or may not have reacted a certain way. We're trying to give input to say "Hey, you may want to look at it from this point of view."
It's dismissive and entirely unhelpful to just blame the BS for triggering over a Facebook post, or to blame a BS because she's 6 years out and her WS has ADMITTEDLY done little in terms of R (and she's giving him one last chance) and you tell him to walk. Especially when you don't take the time to understand the history.
You're projecting your feelings about your marriage and basing the "advice" you're giving on that.
This place is a WONDERFUL site, this wayward forum has helped a lot of people, but only...if they want to be helped. I for one am grateful for it because it's helped me understand a lot about my wayward husband. People who have BTDT and have put in the hard work, they know their shit.
FWIW I've tried to be VERY supportive of the WS's in this forum. There are rules in place to protect the people who post in here. Many people have been kicked out of this forum because they could not get the concept.
I've always been one to speak my mind, but I'm respectful about it.
My husband had multiple affairs, 4 affair partners, a long term affair of 2 1/2 years. He was fired from his job for sexual harassment due to his behavior. I had two DDays a year apart, a year of false R, months of trickle truth. He was the one that was abusive to me in our marriage for years.
I stayed with him. I got him help from a psychologist and a therapist. He got into a 12 step group. He's been sexually sober for 16 months. I've never once abused him. I've never struck my husband, I've never thrown anything at him, I've never called him names in front of our children. We've never fought in front of our children.
Have I lashed out in anger? Yes. But I didn't want to have a marriage full of anger and hatred. Have I triggered? Yes. Have I cried a million tears? Yes. Have I felt emotionally detached and not wanted to be touched by him? Yes.
It's a part of the process. It gets better with time and healing and remorse from him.
[This message edited by SamanthaBaker at 10:35 AM, January 6th (Monday)]