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Newest Member: spaceplease (45329)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Being a "man" but still being humble
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Google Athol Kay and read his blog.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Tickingtock
♀ Member
Member # 41411
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cosign Gutfeeling's post.

It can be really frustrating to do things for her (the "services" part of the 5 love languages) without pointing it out to her and getting immediate (or any) recognition. But imagine how nice it will be when she gets up on a Saturday morning and groans that she's gotta take the car in for an oil change.

"No you don't honey, I did that last week."


Me: 31, exBGF, now married

Posts: 184 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: West Coast, USA
nevergiveup10
♂ Member
Member # 41537
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is a great list, it's great reinforcement for me as I am doing most everything there. Well, at least when she's receptive. The toughest part is conditioning yourself to not expect instant gratification. When possible I try to do things she will only see after I leave

I talked to her yesterday about what she really wants from me right now. She didn't really know at the time, but after we went to a movie she cautiously told me.

She wants me to focus on the business and the kids, to take care of the things I need to. She feels like I try to spend too much time with her at the expense of other things. She doesn't necessarily want "space", but she wants me to let go of my need to know whats she's up to all the time. She enjoys our time together and I feel safe in that now.

I was very receptive and agreed with her, she is right after all. Now that I have my marching orders, the real work for me begins.

She was apprehensive about talking to me about it as she thought my insecurities would kick in and I would take it as she wants less to do with me, or to back away from me. Thankfully I finally feel safe that she isn't going anywhere so I didn't take it that way. Glad I surprised her.

After that chat I dropped her off and went home. I texted her goodnight and I got some very angry text messages back about how she hates me for how I've made her feel and several other things saying she wants to hurt me like I hurt her.

It's tough to hear, but I validate it and whatever else I feel is appropriate, but no excuses. I had asked her to share her pain with me as she usually keeps it inside. It's happened a couple times in the last few days, I'll take the heat. She's sharing...


WH 39
BS 34
D-Day July 15, 2013
Together 10 years
Three great boys 8,5 & 2
Working on R

Posts: 99 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: East Coast
kate0421
♀ Member
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow gutfeeling, I might just copy, paste and print... then staple to my WS forehead!

Great list


ME: BS
HIM: WS
Together over 9yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 274 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Tampa Bay Florida
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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