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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: IC Evaluation
RegretfulHusband
♂ Member
Member # 41873
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, January 6th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been in IC for almost one year.

Does anyone have any warning signs indicating whether or not IC, or more specifically THE IC is working??

EDIT: Forgot to remove the stop sign. BS welcome.

[This message edited by RegretfulHusband at 10:44 PM, January 6th (Monday)]


Me: FWH, 34
Her: BS, 33
Married: 6 years
Together: 10+ years
Kids: 2 Boys under 5

DDay1: 7+ years ago
DDay2: 1.5 years ago

"The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable."


Posts: 141 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United States
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Red  Posted: 4:54 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS's, please wait until the Stop Sign is removed before responding.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36961 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Prayingforhope
♂ Member
Member # 41801
Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From my experience the biggest sign is you. I think only you will know if the IC is working or not. I'll share a mini-revelation I've had recently having done three different episodes in my life of IC. The first one worked magic, the second was useless and the third, which I'm in the heart of right now is blowing my brain away (in a good way).

After some thought I realized what made the first and the third "work" compared to the second was me. In those situations, I wanted help desperately...and when I say desperately, I mean like under water, grasping for air, trying to save my life kind of help. During the second time, I was going to appease someone else and I really (if I'm honest) didn't think there was much point to it.

If you're open, willing and honest in your IC and really set an objective, then it is and will continue to work. Anything else for me is just passing time. Hope it helps.


WH 41
BS 40
D-Day Oct 28th, 2013
Together 18 years
Three amazing boys 12, 9 & 6
Praying for hope daily

Posts: 260 | Registered: Dec 2013
longroadhome
♂ Member
Member # 32428
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you feel like you're looking at yourself and your actions differently?

Does your IC hold your feet to the fire when you get to uncomfortable subjects? Do they make you express and deal with the icky emotions?

Are they trying to let you off the hook/blame the marriage for your A?

Are you comfortable with them?

Are they helping you work toward a goal that you established early in therapy?

Are you getting what you need out of the sessions? Do you leave sessions feeling "lighter" or that you've accomplished something?

I suspect that if you're questioning whether your IC is working, it may not be.


Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known

It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier


Posts: 547 | Registered: Jun 2011
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if you're questioning whether your IC is working, it may not be.
There's your answer, in a nutshell.


FWW - 41
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5846 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
RegretfulHusband
♂ Member
Member # 41873
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all.

I definitely appreciate the responses.

I have definitely gotten better under his guidance. Although I still have panic attacks, they happen less often and are FAR less debilatating, so I am thankful for that.

Just never been through something like this, so I am making sure I'm doing things right. I don't want to do things halfway - I want to be better long term and fix my head, because I do not want to ever go through something like this again.

That's on me, I know. Just venting.


Me: FWH, 34
Her: BS, 33
Married: 6 years
Together: 10+ years
Kids: 2 Boys under 5

DDay1: 7+ years ago
DDay2: 1.5 years ago

"The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable."


Posts: 141 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 6

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