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User Topic: Panic dream....anyone else have them?
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The following is a dream I have just had. This is the 4th very vivid, very distinct affair related dream in 17 months. I have had other bad dreams...but most are forgotten before I can grab my smart phone and brain-storm all the elements (a technique I use to document my dreams to try and make sense of later)....elements that I use to fill out the story within minutes of compiling this list. But I have discovered if I try to document these dreams completely as soon as I wake up....I loose some of the main elements.

To save you from reading the following...this was an anxiety related panic dream. Maybe it will help someone feel less crazy if they read the details....maybe it will spark someone to comment on a trend they notice or some other nuance that help me out.....maybe its a waste of time as I document these in my journal too. So if you are way to familiar with affair-trauma related dreams....I would recommend you stop reading this post now. Nothing unique here.

Here it is.....

I was in my home with my family. Our house itself seemed familiar, then it didn’t….almost like it turned into an apartment or high rise, low-rent condo…..kinda blurry on this. Whole dream was a bit blurry in nature.

Guest family arrives…..they look familiar, but cant place them. My wife asks if I know them and I tell her not really.
Their behavior is ok…then very odd. Took the cushions off the love seat, turned it over on its back, and sat on the back with their legs straight out on the floor. Then they made PB&J sandwhiches…using their fingers to spread the jelly and peanut butter…..then placing the made sandwhiches on the floor....never eating them.

I felt really uncomfortable….went to the back deck, or was it a fire escape? Teenage boy followed me….he had been watching me inside but hadn’t talked. Once outside he started talking…pleasant, but odd. Topics of conversation were all over the place.
The fresh air felt good.

Weather was good…but then started to rain. I decided to go to my garage.

The garage looked familiar until I got inside….then it didn’t. I checked out my VW Microbus….it looked good. I looked underneath to check the oil leak (most old VWs leak a bit of oil, just like all humans cry)….it was as it always had been, just a few drips. Then it was NOT fine….big oil puddle on the floor. I decided it was time to pull the engine and replace the rear main seal….I can do that and was not flustered.

I stood up. Odd to see a chevy astro van in my garage too. I focused back on my Microbus…..just sure there was something else amiss here……like I missed something. But how? I know my Microbus….it is a simple piece of machinery…..I been into it from headlights to exhaust….finding and fixing (or at least making a note of future-projects) whatever I found that was not right. I am sure I would notice if something were really out of place. I circled him many times…..teenage boy following, yapping away on topics I could not determine.

Finally, I noticed his left rear tire was low. Ah-ha!!! I knew something was wrong. How did I miss something so easy?!? I guess since they were almost new tires that I put on myself I ruled them out from being defective! No matter…..easy fix!

I grabbed my small air compressor and as I walked to the rear tire I examined the compressor. Noticed the belt was old, cracked and loose. I looked back up and continued my trek to the rear tire. I thought to myself….well, I need to replace that soon…don’t want to be down a compressor when I really need it. Then I looked back down in panic……this was not my air compressor!!!! Whose compressor is this?!?!? Why is it in MY garage???!?!?? Teenage boy could sense my panic and shut up.

If someone broke into my garage and stole my compressor….what other tools are missing!!?? I looked up to the peg board….all of my air tools were missing. I moved my sights back to the Microbus….whew, it was still there. WAIT!!! Something was missing…. I scanned the wall space between my peg board and my microbus….and discovered my 6 foot tall tool chest missing….just a big square bare spot where it had once stood…..thousands of dollars worth of tools missing, some of which are very specific to working on my microbus and not easily replaced!


Questions flooded in…..do I tell my wife, are the strangers in my home tied to this, is the teenage boy in my garage responsible for this, do I call the cops?????!!!!!

I texted my wife the following message. Someone broke in the garage and stole my tools, teenage boy may be responsible, calling the cops. I then dialed 911

….then I woke up.

Freaky…..huh?

[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:06 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3977 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 4:58 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Biggest two trends I notice in this dream are.

1. The ever changing condition of the elements of the dream. Knew people, then didn't. Weather nice, but then wasn't. Was a home, then wasn't. Had tools, then didn't. Knew what to do, then didn't.

2. Isolation. Even though a teenage boy was talking at me.....this dream was noticeably devoid of any real human interaction. The only person I communicated with was my wife...and I did that via text....which, in my opinion, is a very impersonal way to communicate. I was.....alone.

The alone part was okay....didn't cause the anxiety. But it is odd in that I am a social guy. I am a car guy. Typical teenage boy should be a car guy too....how come no conversation about cars took place while in the garage circling a way cool microbus?

The good....than bad. Familiar....then strange. That is the part that caused me to awake in a panic.

I get where that is coming from...at least in part.

My old tools (coping skills) no longer work....even those that I think were unique (specialty tools specific to a microbus) are missing.

I think I got very good at tricking myself in my pre-A M that I had more tools that I did. That I even had some specialty tools to fix unique problems. This is a tie to my old pride I had as I viewed my M as better than most.

I have been deeply humbled. This dream is most likely a reminder that I can not go back to my old tools.

God help us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3977 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 5:10 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What sets this apart from the other 3 dreams is the noticeable lack of big-name actors. It was just......me.

Previous dreams had Matt Damon, Robert Duvall, Edward Norton, Johnny Depp, etc. all playing a role. Not this time......not sure if that is significant or not?

This dream also lacked the extreme clarity of the others. As if the others were filmed in HD and this one was regular. Not hazy....but just lacked the acute crispness....they type that just shocks you in the vividness. This one was more......gentle?


peace.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3977 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. I have one similar to that. I have others too. I have one where I live with my parents again, but decide i really need to go home, but I have no car, so I try to call H, but can't remember his number, or the phone won't dial, or I can hear him and he can't hear me, or he just doesn't answer. That's my big scary dream. I've had it probably twice a week for 10 years. Not at all since Dday2, though.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
sad81712
♀ New Member
Member # 37418
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very interesting! I've been having panic dreams since my dday….which was very close to yours. I truly believe our dreams are telling us something important. I don't know what your dream was telling you but here are some of my ideas…...
It seems like that dream was telling you that things in your life are still unsettled and uncertain. I wonder if the "strange people that felt like family" in your dream represent your wife's acquaintances that you have to accept but don't really want to. And the teenage boy maybe representing a mix of things you feel you once where like a young naive boy….?? or someone that wants to move in on your family and life…?? I'm not sure but I think I read that if you dream about a house it is to represent your emotional state.
On a different note about dreams….before I found out about my fWH A I had a recurring dream that he wanted another wife. He wanted to be a polygamist!!! Now hows that for my subconscious yelling somethings wrong!!!


Dday 8/12
thing are better but not the same....
Dday #2 10/13 b/c of TT
8/14- We're in R

Posts: 43 | Registered: Nov 2012
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My dreams were mostly obstacle dreams and many involved my fWH going thru the obstacles with me against evildoers. I often looked up key items and there was also things which indicated treachery was around me.

Things have settled down in the dream dept over the past couple of months. But adultery definitely caused me to have more vivid and complex dreams. Maybe this was because my intuition and gut have been in overdrive and my mind has ached trying to make sense of any of this. After all I had so many better things planned for our life until it got thrown aside.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 565 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
sad81712
♀ New Member
Member # 37418
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you don't mind that I'm analyzing your dream…
I wonder if you had this dream during a time in your recovery that you're not sure if your wife is doing all the hard work that you think/want her to do…I say this because you said this dream is not as clear as others and you can only reach her by text…I point out that she's not present in your dream to help you with the troubles you face…missing tools. So you call for 911 for help which represents MC, IC or reading self help books. The "blurry nature" of the dream could be uncertain feelings you experience.

The more I think about it I see the teen boy as you, maybe he was who you where at the beginning of your marriage.…that's why you still felt alone with him around.
I see the micro bus as your marriage. You are taking care of it the best way you could with all your tools……And you where doing the work all by yourself.

The tools that you blamed the young teen boy (you) of taking….Do you think your subconscious is saying the naive teen boy was to blame for not having the tools to keep your wife happy in the marriage?


Dday 8/12
thing are better but not the same....
Dday #2 10/13 b/c of TT
8/14- We're in R

Posts: 43 | Registered: Nov 2012
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the volunteered interpretation...wasn't expecting that....nice surprise!

My wife and I have discussed this.....much of what is posted here jives with what we think.

The difference is....

The microbus as the M.? I didn't look at it at all during my interpretation of this dream. I can see how it could represent the M. Particularly with how sure I knew it from front to rear....overly prideful of how much I knew about it. I think the fact that I viewed the microbus as mine....mine to own, mine to keep running, mine to have may be a throwback to how I may have operated within our pre-A M. This might be me missing the two-becoming-one design God has planned for marriage. The codependent nature of me?


The teen boy.....wife was first to draw the comparison between adult blakesteele and young blakesteele.....he is the boy I was when my parents divorced and my Dad disappeared from my life. He stealing my tools may be me blaming him for my coping skills (specialty tools) that limited my emotional growth? The fact that I couldn't understand him throughout this dream may be me and the shock I was in when I discovered parts of me that I didn't know existed....parts that were hidden to me for decades. I remember when I first saw these parts of me.....it was so......foreign?

I think I was blaming the teen boy....but not for failing to make my wife happy (though I see that too), but for keeping ME from being happy....keeping me from maturing...maturing that I needed to do to feel complete....complete all on my own.

Interesting exercise to break the normal struggles and trials of days after DD......

Cool that you guys took the time to work on this trivial issue with me.

Thanks!

[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:19 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3977 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 8

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