If you are trying to R with your WH. I am not so sure that doing a full press 180 is for you.
But he should feel what it would be like to not have you there. He kinda fired you from those jobs.
so I'm home....am I supposed to continue to cook him dinner each night and have chit chat and ask him how his day went? it honestly boils my blood and makes my heart ache at the same time. that I'm supposed to continue to do my part....for what?
I did this^^^ I work part time and I like to have a nice home. Dinner ready, house is clean, laundry is done...you know, normal. BUT things are not normal. And you had nothing to do with that...your WH made a unilateral choice to nuke your life and home with his horrific choices. Thanks Pal!
So as much as you are used to doing things for him, drop that shit for now. Focus on you. Let him swing in the wind. Why would you be nice to your betrayer??
Make sure that what you are looking at is true Remorse. Not Regret. Is he sorry that he treated you like a stranger and crapped on your marriage or is he just sorry that you found him out? HUMMM... It's his actions not his words that will speak the truth. Time will tell.
He needs to woo you back to him. Think of all the energy he had to sneak around, contact and have sex with some slut all whilst hiding it from you. That was a draconian task! He need to pour all of that energy into you, making you feel better, comforting you, consoling you, dealing with his poor coping skills and boundaries...
I made the mistake of 'acting normal'. It sent the wrong signal to Mr. Happy. HE thought everything was 'good'. So when I had my psychotic moments, when my brain was painfully re-writing my new reality, he did not understand and become frustrated. "GTH! You just made me a fabulous meal and all of my skid marked drawers are clean and put away...Why are you mad at me??? I thought we were done talking about what a effin' douche' I am...???"
Your paradigm has changed. Things are NOT normal. There is a lot of work in R. R is a gift that is cautiously given to the WS. Trust and fealty need to be re-built.
This takes time.
There are some stages that you will go through. No matter what he does, whether you R or D. Read up on the 5 stages of grief. You will surly go through them. Better to be aware of what is coming your way so you don't think your head is going to pop off from the pain and sadness of this shitfest.
None of it is easy or fair. Just know that you did not cause any of this. This betrayal is 100% his issue and only his to figure out and 'fix'.
I wish you peace and clarity in the days to come.
(((((3birds))))) WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.