Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Icandoallthings (44333)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: i love getting triggers
eyenight
♀ Member
Member # 39488
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Arg i hate that x took away my trust in relationships. I had sort of a moment the other day. bf was texting a lot Saturday morning. it triggered me to no end then i didn't really hear from him until Monday. i was mad at him. I told him that that just told me he didn't want to talk to me and he wasnt thinking about me. if he wants that i can just go away. i told him it doesn't have to be all day texting just a message here and there. Just so i know he's thinking about me. so far so good. I understand he had family time. i also told him a trigger i have. being secretive about texting like turning the phone away or turning off the screen asap after you send it. i just makes my mind wonder. I hate how i alway have to verify things. it turns to nothing. he didn't lie to me about where he was way do i get so worked up. he is different. he and i spend time together through out the day at work and after work so its not like he's seeing someone else. i know this. I also told him more about my boundries. i told him i don't compete. i should never have to for your attention. i shouldn't have to fight for you to be in my corner you should already be there.

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jun 2013
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((eyenight)))

It sounds like you did a good job of communicating your needs, expectations, and how you are feeling. What was his response?


Posts: 33995 | Registered: Mar 2011
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think early in relationships it is best to handle triggers on my own, and then when the intensity of the trigger has passed to get really clear on what I want and need and to communicate what I need it without getting mad.

I'm sorry you got triggered, but it sounds like he did not do anything wrong by skipping one day of texting. He is not responsible for your triggers. He is not obligated to take care of you. He is a free man. You end up sounding over controlling in this instance and I don't think this is what you really want in your new relationship or who you really are.

I wonder if these triggers are a signal that you are a little too emeshed with this man and its making you uncomfortable. How many weeks or months have you been dating? I think it is not very long.

Texting several times a day every day creates a false intimacy where you might think you are close because you text a lot. You only really get close to people by relating over time and observing each other handle stress and joys in the ups and downs of real life.

The PTSD effects of betrayal are real. It is painful that we had these experiences. On one hand we are victims because something bad did happen to us. But we can't heal and stay in the victim place. We have to find a way to expand out of that limited role, take responsibility for how we handle triggers without blaming the people around us.

You are an amazing and strong woman. You are so kind and caring to your patients. I hope you find a way to approach this situation from a greater perspective.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 12:48 AM, January 11th (Saturday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
ladythump
♀ Member
Member # 22995
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What would you say is a definition for the word trigger??


If the marriage was worth saving, we wouldn't be here.

D Day - Feb 15, 2009



Posts: 131 | Registered: Feb 2009
Topic Posts: 4

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.