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User Topic: Stick a fork in me
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Flame  Posted: 2:39 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm done. So done with FOO, I cannot even begin to tell you. If I never see or talk to them again, I'm completely happy with that.

I've been NC and living relatively peacefully. The holidays are over. That should have been my last major hurdle right? Wroooong.

My sister is going thru another pregnancy loss. Third one in a year's span. Two other girls in our social circle just had miscarriages. To say that my sister is struggling, is a gross understatement.

My sister gets a text from Mother this morning to check on the status of the baby. Little sister gets permission from her husband to call and give her the update. Ok fine. After exactly two questions about the baby, the conversation takes a turn.

Poor wittle mommy. Her kids won't talk to her. She was burned with friendships in the past and she's not going to get hurt again. M'k, so you're talking about relationships with random people versus your CHILDREN. We're not worth an effort. Ok, got it. My sister was accused of going to Mother's friends, giving her slanted view, and causing Mother's friends to give off "weird vibes".

Are you freaking kidding me!?!?!?!?!?

My sister's child is dead and all you want to talk about is your stupid feelings and how life is freaking unfair to you!? You want to talk about how miserable you are!?

I'm ashamed to call her my parent. I'm so angry I can't see straight. Just how heartless does a person have to be to call a woman up, with a dead baby in her womb, and cry about their own stupid issues!?

I'm so done. So. Done. Relationship? What relationship? There is none. I have no parents. They are a couple of people that birthed us and then ditched us when we quit bowing down and worshiping them.

And for the record, those friends that my sister "snitched" to? Yeah, two people approached her and asked if she was ok, were things ok. When she opened up just a little tiny bit, those friends laid it out. My sister didn't have to say anything. They see right thru my parents. So there is no dang slanted freakin' view. They formed their own opinions based on their own experiences. Those "weird vibes"? Yeah, that's what's left of their guilty conscience.

Am I completely losing my mind? Am I looking at this wrong? What in the world am I missing? I feel like I am the bad guy and all I want my little family of QS and the kids. I want space. Sanity. To not feel guilted, forced, or obligated into doing stuff. Why in the world is that so wrong!?That's the whole freaking point of growing up and moving out on your own.

Guys, I'm struggling. I know, I know. High road, NC, blah freaking blah. Somewhere alone the line comes the whole "acceptance and move along" bit.

Dunno when I'll get there. When this stupid stuff will quit affecting me. How to make it stop for good. Ya know, aside from doing something completely illegal.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6314 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((((Aubrie)))))))))))))

You're doing a good job not to engage. Letting go is a process that takes a long time. Don't be hard on yourself for letting this get to you. My heart aches for you and your sister... to have to deal with this on top of a personal tragedy is so stressful.

I have a book recommendation. It's by a Buddhist nun who has very respectful and positive views of Christianity. (In case there was a concern )

Pema Chodron's book, "When Things Fall Apart" has done wonders for me in terms of learning how to let things go. I'm not all high on the mountain with perfect peace or anything - I still have BIG reactions to things that I wish I could just shrug off... but this book has been instrumental for me in getting those emotional hooks detached when I start to feel pulled in any direction by someone who is toxic and wants me in their space.

Let's not be surprised that your mom is like this. Let's expect it, and remember that she is coming from a dark place. Don't be furious at her - feel compassion for her that she has ZERO clue how to relate to anyone in a healthy way.

Prayers and hugs to you and your sister. You're getting stronger than this every day, even if it's hard to see right now.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
SurprisinglyOkay
♀ Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry!

We all have family issues, but I'm just so sorry.

You are not wrong. You are not missing anything. You are getting healthy and they are not.

(((Aubrie & your sis))))


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's not be surprised that your mom is like this. Let's expect it, and remember that she is coming from a dark place. Don't be furious at her - feel compassion for her that she has ZERO clue how to relate to anyone in a healthy way.
I get it. She came from an abusive home. She's married to my crazy NPD Dad. She wouldn't know healthy if it slapped her in the face. I feel bad that her life has sucked and continues to suck. And that having a relationship with her kids is a relatively easy fix that she just can't comprehend. It's sad to be on the outside, seeing the total dysfunction, and not be able to help her.

But she has lost a child. She KNOWS the pain. And she knows the struggle my sister has gone thru. And she couldn't talk to her 5 minutes without making it all about her!? It's hard not to be furious about that. She darn well knows the pain of child loss. And she trampled over my sister's loss in the name of "hurt feelings" and "weird vibes". THAT is what pisses me off so badly. I struggle with finding compassion for that.

I'll look into the book. Thanks for the rec.

[This message edited by Aubrie at 3:05 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6314 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I struggle with finding compassion for that.
For the time being, don't try to find compassion in that. Instead, use the knowledge you have about her FOO to reach acceptance. She is who she is. She is never going to be anything else. Aubrie, the sooner you truly, TRULY accept this, the less you will be impacted by the crazy.


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5978 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get what your saying.

Its so hard when you start seeing the unhealthy behaviors where they come from and why there there. And want so bad for them to get it.

To understand what they are doing. Maybe have that wake up call, that hit the bottom and life needs to be better I need my family, and the fact she /they didn't hear you or your sister, is devasting. And so frustrating.

My BH the other day, got upset with me, because, my daughter manage to do something proactive and beneficial and I said how proud and hopeful I was of her. ( She has in the past continuously got my hopes up and to smash them) Well he triggered on that then explained to me why.

I have allways hoped and expected great things from people, that if I give them chances over and over again they won't fail me. Now I have believed this to the point it has been detrimental to my mental and spiritual and emotional health. I expect this of people and take it personally when they don't do what they should.

And he is right, I do this with my mother and my sisters too, think it will be awsome and boom, my world is turned upside down and he's trying to make me feel better and let me know I didn't..... whatever wa the problem of the day was.

I have a girlfriend I deal with on a continuos basis as well. You talk to her about anything and it ends up being about her.

Because I still want to believe people can change I keep hoping and keep leaving myself open. If it wasn't for the fact I know you and I have changed and have done the work, and that it can happen, I would give up. I'm just starting to accept some people can't , won't or are just comfortable where their at. No matter what their loss, They will allways be a victim.

I am sorry your back there again, dealing with your mom. You are strong and be proud you can be there for your sister and for yourself.

I will be thinking about you and praying for your sister and her baby.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 437 | Registered: Apr 2013
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Aubrie))))

It really sucks that you can't choose your family. And I know *just* what you're saying here:

And she couldn't talk to her 5 minutes without making it all about her!?

Not to t/j and make this all about ME ( ), but I've had similar experience my SIL (brother's wife). So yeah. What sucky bad luck in having to deal with ANY people like this, much less close family.

It's hard not to feel guilty, but you are doing the right thing by trying to disengage. Keep walking away and don't look back. You aren't missing out on anything. Not. a. thing.

And I'm sorry about sis angel baby I meant to post in the other thread, but haven't gotten there yet.

Hugs all around. Sending you peaceful thoughts and a super duper invisible anti-foo shield as a backup.


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2615 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Aubrie))) Everyone else has given you good advice. Just wanted to let you know I understand. You know it is the right thing to detach from your parents, but that is sooooo much easier said then done.

Baby steps, you will get there, just keep moving forward. I am so sorry that you continually get hurt by your parents.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
lemony.2008
♀ Member
Member # 20125
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Aubrie))))
((((Aubrie's little sister and husband))))

I'm so so sorry about your sister, I can't even imagine the pain and devastation she's going through right now.

There is no words to describe your mother, I'm so sorry you have to deal with her toxicity. I have NC with members of my family because my life is better without them. I know they're blood family, but we don't share common values such as love, support, understanding, kindness.

I second Jrazz's book recommendation, in my opinion, all of Pema's books have been tremendously helpful to me.

Sending healing thoughts and prayers for you and your sister.


Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron


Posts: 2243 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the sooner you truly, TRULY accept this, the less you will be impacted by the crazy.
I understand. It's just getting it all processed and becoming "habit" for me. Positive step forward is I can recognize the manipulation/crap processes as they're happening. I'm learning to accept, little by little, that it's just who they are and they're never going to change. I've also learned that there's no conversing with them if they don't change. So, NC. Now if I can get to the part where it doesn't affect me at all, we're golden.

Haven't had a relationship with the parents since Oct. 13th. Each day I'm stronger and my "give a dang" breaks even more.

I'm listening to everyone. Taking your words to heart. Thanks for letting me vent today.

ETA: Someone sent me a message and suggested that I write a letter to both my parents, but not send it. I guess as an exercise to get all the ugly out. Don't know how that would work. There's some nasty stuff swirling in my head. I would hate to see it written out.

[This message edited by Aubrie at 8:25 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6314 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Steppenwolf
♂ Member
Member # 38140
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Aubrie))))

Expectations are just self will. You can only control your actions and reactions, so just focus on that. From what I've read over the past year, you seem like an emotionally strong and balanced individual. It's unfortunate that not many people are, and it especially sucks when people close to you act with such insensitivity. But, that's what they do.
I've tried to remove any expectation of my father following through on anything he promises to me or my children, and I'm happier; I'm content.
Meditation helps me.


Me: WS- 30s
Her: BS- 30s RockyMtn



Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't know how that would work. There's some nasty stuff swirling in my head. I would hate to see it written out.

I hope you don't consider this out of line, but isn't this similar to you writing out your timeline? I'm sure that you didn't do that because you were so pumped up at the prospect of seeing it all written out. Rather it was to have it there for QS if/when he wanted it (iirc).

But I also remember you posting about the effect this 'exercise' had on you, and that even though difficult it was ultimately of some therapeutic value to you as well - am I right?

Because you wouldn't have to write these 'letters' all at one sitting, or even in letter form necessarily. You could work on it in small chunks if that would help you. You might think of it more as a collection of your thoughts, or feelings, or messages you wish they were capable of understanding, or .... the sky's the limit really if you're not going to send it to them anyway.

You might consider writing it from a 3rd party neutral observer point of view, that could help to defuse some of the powerful emotions you are experiencing.

Not pretty to confront these issues or to see all the horror once it's out in written form, but it could help you process this yuck and in that way be of great benefit to you.

And I know that if there is anyone here who could address this challenge, it's you. I greatly admire the courage that it took for you to work on your timeline without being 'forced' to, and then to share this difficult experience in the forum was truly amazing.

Anyway, I encourage you to at least think about it.

I'm so sorry that you are hurting over this. Sending you continued strength.

((((Aubrie))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2615 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
KBeguile
♂ Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm on the other side of this, Aubrie.

My sister and her husband have been waiting until they've refurbished our late grandparents' house (a family battle in and of itself) until trying to have children, which my sister has ALWAYS wanted. Come to find out a few months ago, she has cervical cancer. First round of surgery, still has it. Second round of surgery (right around Christmas), STILL has it.

Chances are now that she won't have kids because of this. It's horrible. Only, I don't know how my sister feels because she hardly talks to me and my mother and I are still trying to recover our relationship, so I barely know what's going on.

I actually WANT to be part of things, but because I either actively ruined or passively sabotaged (not sure which) my relationships with my FOO, I only get to read posts on Facebook instead of helping my family overcome this problem. It sucks.

But, hey ... I support you. I think you have the tougher road, and I'm not envious, but I appreciate being along for the journey and trying to help you through your struggles.


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 801 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Aubrie)))
I greatly admire the courage that it took for you to work on your timeline without being 'forced' to, and then to share this difficult experience in the forum was truly amazing.
Me too. I don't post in this forum much, but I have so much respect for you. Your posts are so down to earth and inspiring and full of so much hard-earned wisdom.
And I know that if there is anyone here who could address this challenge, it's you.
So I feel that way also. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this issue, it is so difficult when we have to learn to accept our parents the way they are. I deal with some parental issues also, but not the same type you are having to deal with. It is so hard to come to the acceptance that they are who they are, and that is all they will ever be. It helps me to remember they are their own persons, with their own souls, on their own journey in this life. Just because they are blood to me doesn't mean they don't have their own path to walk, and it isn't my job to try to make them change so I am comfortable or happy. I do think, though, that if they are toxic to you that putting some distance (physical and/or emotional) is a good idea.

I too think that writing your feelings down about your mom may help. You can always burn the paper when you are finished, but there is something very cathartic about hand-writing your feelings out.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 10:17 PM, January 7th (Tuesday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15291 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
SlowUptake
♂ Member
Member # 40484
Default  Posted: 3:03 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry for sister's loss and your continuing struggle with your FOO Aubrie.

Have you considered the silver lining?

At least you and your sister are'nt like your parents.

I wish you serenity.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


Me:WS,50+
Her:BS,50+ (WantToWakeUp)
Married 33yrs
Dday Dec 2009

"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras

There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Limbo in Oz
Scorpio2310
♂ Member
Member # 41561
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too can relate to your issues with your mom. I am facing the same thing with my mom. It sounds like we have similar a FOO issue.

I want you to know that even though I am new here you are a role-model for me. Seeing that you are a FWS, that I can relate too, gives me hope that I really can recover from this. You advise is very good, it causes me to think about me and my problems in a new light, and your replies are always very insightful.


Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Indiana
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. I know you're not a hugger, Aubrie, so I'll just sit next to you and shake my head along with you.

I'm so sorry for your sister. Three losses in one year is too much pain for a person to handle. I am glad she has you for support.

My mother does the same thing--no matter what I'm going through, she's been through it and guess what? HER situation was SO MUCH WORSE and I should just stop whining and listen to what she has to say about everything. Because everything is about her. I even asked her once "Mom, can't I have ANYTHING that is just mine? Does EVERYTHING have to be about you?" And she got so pissed off I thought she was going to hit me. Which would have been the shit cherry on the shit sundae I was trying to swallow at that point.

It hurts so much, because you just want your MOM to be your MOM and hold and comfort you because she loves you. Not because you have satisfied her ritual of worshipping and paying court to her.

I have limited contact with my mother now that my fiance and I have moved in together. I'm lucky because she seems to realize that I can control my contact with her and if she crosses my line, I can hang up/disengage/move on. So, our communication has been getting better.

My mother is also very much of a "What will my friends think of this?" kind of person. I used to get that ALL THE TIME--- "What you did made me look BAD in front of my friends!"

Sad thing is, my mother's friends are all drunk alcoholics at the club she goes to. I once said "How? All of your friends are so drunk they don't even remember seeing you the next day anyway."

I had to find another place to sleep for a couple of days after that.


Anyway, I'm sorry to t/j your post. I just wanted to share with you my experiences, and let you know that I can completely relate to your dealings with your FOO.

Let her be "poor wittle mommy" if that's the role whe wishes to play. You have your own family, your own children to take care of. I'm proud of you Aubrie, for how far you have come with your FOO. You are showing your kiddos what a REAL family looks like. What a healthy family looks like. You are breaking the cycle. And that is so hard to do. Soldier on, Aubrie, soldier on.


Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
AchillesHealed
♀ Member
Member # 41805
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aubrie, just wanted to say I'm so sorry, for both your sister and you. It's really hard to cut off a parent, even when you know they're toxic and incapable of healthy/normal relationships. I haven't spoken to my father in over a year.

Does your mother even understand/acknowledge the issue and the inappropriateness of her reaction? Has she ever been in IC? I am sure being in a toxic relationship herself (with your father having NPD) only makes matters worse.

But no, you're not missing anything except for more misery and anger, unless she is willing work on herself. You've done the right thing for you.


Posts: 59 | Registered: Dec 2013
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aubrie,

I'm so sorry for what you and your little sis are going through. I'm glad you have each other and that you both recognize the dysfunctional crap from your parents.

Peace and Strength


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1499 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you don't consider this out of line, but isn't this similar to you writing out your timeline?
You're not out of line. You're correct. The timeline was agony. And yes, now that you mention it, this is similar to that experience.

The timeline ended up being very cathartic. (in a weird way) I will give the letters serious thought. There's a 99.99% chance it's the only way I can get what's in my heart out in the open. Even if they never hear it.

Part of my issue is with the timeline, it was all about me. What I had done, thought, and felt. The letters will be pointed at another person. My parents. It's difficult just thinking about writing a letter because the things I want to say, the things I feel are considered disrespectful. There is fear. Fear of the feelings and thoughts I have.

My childhood was a dream compared to other people's experiences. I struggle with minimizing my experiences and pushing them down. I wasn't sexually abused, I don't have scars from cigarette burns. An "abusive" moment example: I was about 15. Dad hated my boyfriend. I said something about loving my BF. Dad came off his bed, (we argued regularly in my parents bedroom) and was two inches from my face, my back pressed into the wall, him yelling about how I didn't know anything, that I was raised better than how I was acting, my boyfriend was trash, Dad knew best, act like an adult, etc. Really abuse? Or a Dad protecting his daughter from a predator? That's where I struggle. Then I remember it happened on a regular basis for three years. And then I remember the bigger picture.

My parents were BFF with my BF's parents. We were together literally 4-5 times a week. All that time together, teen hormones, but I'm not supposed to have anything to do with BF. Seriously. How does that work Daddy dearest? You're setting me up for failure. If I'm not supposed to have anything to do with BF, then why take me out to dinner with them, why take me to their house, why take me on trips where BF is all. the. time?

I ask QS over and over where I went wrong. He insists I didn't. He watched it all happening in real time. He was in the youth group with me and BF back in the day. He saw what my Dad was doing. Pissed him off back then, pisses him off now.

Jesus, I'm a mess. And I think I just sent this thread into another direction.

When it comes to my actions, I'll own it. When it comes to dealing with their actions and my feelings because of them? Scares the ever livin' out of me. I guess I am really fearful of blameshifting. Blaming them for crap and me just being a whiner baby. I want to own where I'm the problem. Am I making any sense?

KB, I hear you. Thing is, you recognize that your buttheadedness is the reason for the rift. That's the sad part. My FOO don't see that. They are total "victims" in this. kwim? I think if they did see it the way you do, there would be a chance at healing and a rebuilding of the relationship.

Scorpio, I've been keeping an eye on you since you joined. Keep digging in. It's difficult, but I've learned even when it's incredibly hard, (like now) it's worth it in the end. You can heal if you don't let the fear swallow you up. Keep pressing on, even if it's a little at a time. Even when your pace slows to a crawl. At least you are moving in the right direction.

I know you're not a hugger, Aubrie, so I'll just sit next to you and shake my head along with you.
This made me laugh. Thank you for that itainteasy.

My mother is also very much of a "What will my friends think of this?" kind of person. I used to get that ALL THE TIME--- "What you did made me look BAD in front of my friends!"
Yep. Have heard this so many times, I've lost count. I suspect it's in the millions.

Does your mother even understand/acknowledge the issue and the inappropriateness of her reaction?
I'm not talking to her so I'm not 100% sure. But based on past experiences and how the treatment continues? Nope. It's not her fault. Everyone else is big meanie heads.

Has she ever been in IC?
No. Never. And she would never consider it. Me and Little Sister have been her IC. She whines about her life and marriage to us. Well, used to till we put our foot down. She can't talk to IC. It would mean outing her husband. And she has to protect him and his position. Even if it means she lives a miserable life. Even when it costs her her home, her car, her friends, and now her children.

And in this whole convoluted mess, I feel guilty for talking about it. I don't want to make it "all about me". I feel very uncomfortable that people sympathize. I'm incredibly hard on myself because FOO helped show me how to do that. I'm not patient with myself.

I see it. It's just not "clicking".

FML. I'm going to go read a book.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6314 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Topic Posts: 37
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