H and I had an argument tonight, and I'd like some objective opinions on if I am overreacting.
Back story: This weekend there is an annual convention for a hobby H is very involved in. He always goes to this convention. I have never gone with him, as I don't share this interest with him and I have never really hung out with that group of people - they are really "his friends" and not "our friends", and being that I'm naturally pretty shy this is kind of uncomfortable for me. He has always included our eldest son in this hobby, and has always taken him to this convention.
Last year, H was secretly planning to bring Coworker #1 to this convention, just the two of them. He told our son that he wasn't going to bring him (because he obviously couldn't bring our son on a date with his OW), which caused a HUGE amount of hurt feelings on my son's part and an argument between them. H told me at the time that he just wanted to hang out with his friends for once without having to cart one our kids along, etc etc. I thought it was odd, but I supported him and told him if he needed "guy time" without our son then he should take it. I talked to our son about it, and tried to make him feel better. H ended up cancelling his "date" with Coworker #1 at the last minute and taking our son after all, he says because he realized how odd it would seem to his friends that he had brought this random girl with him and he was afraid it would get back to me. I learned the real story about what had gone on some time later.
Fast forward to now: The convention is this weekend. It is a HUGE trigger point for me. H and I discussed it a couple of weeks ago, and I told him how the prospect of him going made me feel. He said that if it bothered me that much then he wouldn't go. I told him that I didn't want him to miss out on something he looks forward to every year, but I also didn't want to sit home wondering what might really be going on either. We decided to compromise, and agreed that I would go along with my H to the convention. Although I have no interest in this hobby, we have also talked about how it's important for us to try to be more involved in each other's social circles and lives outside of our home, so it seemed like a good idea on several fronts.
Now, this convention runs Friday-Saturday-Sunday. I have to work nights that weekend, so H took Friday off and we planned to go together on Friday. Today he suddenly says, "So do you mind if I go on Saturday with *male friend*?" This seems to me to kind of defeat the point of our compromise. Also, in looking back at his text messages, he made plans with *male friend* a week ago to go to the convention with him on Saturday (AFTER we had our initial discussion) and never mentioned it to me until now.
I got pissed. I told him that I feel like he was being dishonest with me - either he never truly intended to not go without me, or he changed his mind after the fact when he got an invitation and just chose not to mention it to me. I told him that it was meaningful to me that he had said he would give up going this year to protect my feelings, and now I feel somewhat betrayed and misled.
He just keeps saying that he was just hoping I might feel more confident now (since things in our M have been going so well in the last couple of weeks) that he was not trying to meet up with any OW. He is refusing to see that to me, that is NOT really the point. He just keeps saying "If you really don't want me to go, then I just won't." But he is not STATING anymore that he won't go, he's waiting for me to tell him not to.
I feel like it's the same pattern as with the cheating. I TELL him how hurtful something is, and he promises to not do anything to hurt me again. UNTIL the opportunity comes along, then my feelings don't matter so much. I told him this, and he just said he doesn't think it's the same thing at all. I just basically want to tell him to forget about going with me on Friday and go whenever with his friends, I really don't care. I don't WANT to go to this stupid thing to begin with!!! I was putting myself out there to try to strengthen our marriage, and now I feel like his taking me on Friday is just him throwing me a bone so he can go with his friends on Saturday which is what he really wants to do. He knows that means I will be sitting at work on Saturday wondering WTH might really be going on, and he says he doesn't want that, so "If you really don't want me to go I won't." Of course I don't want him to go! How many more times do I have to say how hurtful it is to me! But I am expected to be his mother and tell him what he can and can't do.
Ugh, I am so angry right now. Am I being a looney toon about this?