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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 1200+ messages in two weeks. What the actual...
silentscream13
♀ Member
Member # 41693
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hacked my WH Facebook account while he was currently chatting with the OW. They were discussing if they were busted or not. Dumb asses.


ME: BS- 39; HIM: WS - 40 (lostmymind13)
OW: TechnicallyMarriedEx-GF - 47
Sexting,OEA/NO PA (but was planning it before he got caught)
D-day - 11-14-13
Together: Almost 18 years; Married: Almost 15 years
4 Children
Apologies: I edit. Often.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nowhere and Everywhere
spond
♂ Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yea... my WW sent over 6.7k to the AP in 2 months and a few days.

I used to beat myself up for not seeing earlier.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 383 | Registered: Dec 2013
RyanCL
♀ New Member
Member # 41959
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my WS had his affair in 2010 he and his little thing sent over 1000 texts in two weeks. At the time this was going on I was completely clueless then when he came clean and I discovered all the text I was dumbfounded.I mean how could I have missed this? And he was never the type of person to hide his phone or lock it. I used it all the time because I constantly miss place mine and never saw anything. So how often was he deleting and where the he'll was I when he was doing all this texting? I have no clue how they pull it off or where they get the time. But it seems if they put their mind to it they can become Houdini!


BS: me 28 female
WH: 30 male
Married 6 years together 8
Two amazing boys and a perfect princess!
Dday 1: September 21st 2010
Dday 2: January 2nd 2014

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: arizona
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think my WBF takes the prize on this one. I calculated they were on the phone - texting and calling - for over 9 days in a 21 day period. That's not including Facebook messages, emails and/or text pics sent (those were in another place on our bill). There were days when they took an hour to sleep in the middle of the night and then started right back up again. I, to this day, am amazed he didn't lose his job or cause an accident.

During the trickle truth/discovery period when I was going over all of the phone records, I actually found a time or two when he took 4 minutes to respond to a text from her and I questioned the hell out of him on it. "Why did it take you so long to respond?" How nuts is that? They were so obsessive that when it took him a few minutes to respond, I'm obsessed with why? All of this is crazy making.

Sending you strength.


Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
Hurthalo
♂ Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, some of these stories are insane. I keep beating myself up over how I missed this level of activity. On the records, my WW would appear to engage in a flurry of activity at the local shops. 'Honey I'll just quickly run to the supermarket' seems to take on a whole new meaning in retrospect.

The thing that makes me angry is that I KNEW something wasn't right, but I trusted my wife implicitly when she told me they were work related. They must have been deleting threads as they got them, and evidently were very adept at it. The funny thing is, they both only got caught after the OMW found a screenshot of one of my wife's texts in the gallery on his phone. Thousands of texts, and he got caught by getting sentimental over wanting to keep one where my wife told him 'he missed the shit out of him, even when he was in meetings.' What an idiot.

I also realised today too that she brought OM to a coffee break we both managed to have together months back. Judging by the revised dates, they were fully involved in an EA at this point. Talk about rubbing it in my face.

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 4:56 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 138 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
nomoredreams
♀ New Member
Member # 41907
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the month of December, mw WH sent his just a friend 2000 texts. Bear in mind that I woke him at 12:30 am the 15th with the proof I had been hunting for and insisted one final no contact texts to her. I have been watching. He sent her one on the 16th bright and early. He "doesn't remember" it. Right. The day before, they called each other 39 times.

But that is alright because he did call me one time that day.

They texted and called more than my teenager with a new girlfriend. Pathetic.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Jan 2014
trojan007
♂ Member
Member # 36960
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurthalo hey buddy sorry that your here. It's has to make you think it's reconcile even possible, How do you think she can just turn off her feeling for the OM because she got caught. I don't know. I would proceed with caution. And that's the bad part you're always in the back your mind, Is she really going to store, how do I know she won't do this again with someone new. being so early in our relationship, if you read on here Women tend to do this in their 40s more often. That is what would be on my mind. I guess some people are just broken. Feel for you good luck

Posts: 56 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
Dyokemm
♂ New Member
Member # 40254
Default  Posted: 2:05 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And the TT just keeps coming.

She has not failed to use it ONCE in this entire debacle.

Now you know it started 4 months sooner.

And you were deployed away.

I'd say the chances this was not a PA are dwindling fast HurtHalo.

I feel for you.

I know you said polys are not common in Australia,but I think you are at the point where you have to file for D and tell her the only way it stops is she voluntarily takes a poly and passes, as you are tired of the constant lying and TT.

And tell her refusing to do it will count as an admission in your book so it will be straight to D.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Aug 2013
Hurthalo
♂ Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 2:40 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dyokemm: I already know it was a PA, and have done from the start as they were canoodling in parks. She (and he) claim they didn't have sex, and that it was purely emotional with a bit of making out.

Hmmmm.....

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 2:43 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 138 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
totalheartbreak
♂ Member
Member # 41589
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW ramped up her texting activity dramatically.
She didn't believe me when we'd argue about how long she spent on her phone until I went through the bills and put together this little chart. As far as I can tell, it doesn't include iMessage texts... I can tell you that from Mar 2012 - Oct 2013, the SMS DB says there were ~59k total messages on the iPhone.

[This message edited by totalheartbreak at 9:55 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Me: BH (30s)
Wayflost: WW (30s)
"Ever notice those that advocate anything for 'happiness' are perennially unhappy?"

Posts: 142 | Registered: Dec 2013
crazynot
♀ Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's such a constant thing, this. When my WH was at home with us (having agreed, under protest, to keep the 'relationship' under wraps until my daughter finished her exams), she texted him at least once ever 5 minutes and all night too. And he of course replied. They use this to tell themselves that this incredible urge for non-stop contact proves their love... but as I've found in the 4 years since we split up that real, free people in relationships don't text each other every minute... whatever, it's a horrible feeling for the BS.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 852 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
bobf
♂ Member
Member # 41412
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was completely clueless about the email and online chat my wife was doing. In a sad but comforting way it's good to see others were just as clueless about their spouses activity. It makes me feel less like a chump as I guess a trusting spouse would never suspect their spouse to be wayward so why look for it?

[This message edited by bobf at 10:13 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Me: BH early 50s
Her: fWW late 40s (kmom2662)
7 Wk OEA, Skype, Cyber
DDay 10-4-13
Married 20+ years
Currently in R

Posts: 142 | Registered: Nov 2013
totalheartbreak
♂ Member
Member # 41589
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually believed she was playing Candy Crush the whole time. I had no idea she was texting. I feel like such an idiot.


Me: BH (30s)
Wayflost: WW (30s)
"Ever notice those that advocate anything for 'happiness' are perennially unhappy?"

Posts: 142 | Registered: Dec 2013
demos
♂ Member
Member # 35660
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A word of warning for those monitoring SMS text messages. SMS has quickly become the MySpace of social networking. In large part due to SMS are trackable by phone companies. The 3rd party apps are not and won't show up on your phone bill. Not even in your data usage, assuming there is wifi available. The 3rd party apps send via wifi. So if you're looking for SMS texts it is very possible you're looking in the wrong place.

My point is that if you're simply relying on the phone bill to show you data usage or text message counts ...... that's not good enough. A simple google search will teach even the technologically challenged the easy steps to communicating via phone that can't be tracked. Look for apps that are password protected. Or apps with unique user ID's or profiles. These apps often have privacy settings that won't even show a notification that a message has been sent. You could be looking at their phone while they receive texts for AP and you wouldn't see it. These apps will also have their own password independent of any pass code that the is on the phone itself.

[This message edited by demos at 10:48 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Posts: 157 | Registered: May 2012
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H went from around 1000 texts a month to 4000. Combine that with FB chat, google chat, emails, landline calls from office and hours of cell calls per month, how in the hell did they get anything else done. You know how I knew when they were together during this time? No phone call minutes meant they were together. My husbands position allowed him to come and go at will. He was go, go, go.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1429 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

totalheartbreak - my WBF's first AP started through Words with Friends. There's a chat function on there and they would message each other "sexy" crap while they were playing.

demos - can you explain further? Where should we look for SMS messages?


Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, I find it amazing how much time and energy they put into the affairs when they could've been oh I don't know, focussing on the relationships they already had?

Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
totalheartbreak
♂ Member
Member # 41589
Angry  Posted: 11:24 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

velvethammer - i am also aware of that... i dug through there too...
pretty much every game now has a chat function....


Me: BH (30s)
Wayflost: WW (30s)
"Ever notice those that advocate anything for 'happiness' are perennially unhappy?"

Posts: 142 | Registered: Dec 2013
Coachdig10
♂ Member
Member # 41706
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started to count and then gave up. Too many over a 4 month span, but it was all innocent and nothing inappropriate was said so drop it. The countless hours on the phone was innocent as well. And just like many of you, right under my nose. What an idiot I am.


BS- 42
WS- 36
Married 16
Kids- 3
DDay 1/17/13

Posts: 52 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: California
Betrayed67
♀ Member
Member # 38134
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurthalo, you are not alone.

My WH was on various dating websites, bought a secret phone and texted all his online girlfriends from April 2012-Dec 2012. AFAIK, that was how long he texted them (yes multiple!)- right under my nose. He swears he never met any of them. He threw the phone away when he decided he got "bored" with his online activities. I never saw the messages. Part of me still wishes I saw the messages exchanged. I guess that God was sparing me the pain from reading intimate messages.

[This message edited by Betrayed67 at 4:19 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Zealand
Topic Posts: 68
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