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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 1200+ messages in two weeks. What the actual...
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I gave him the print out and told him to count the text messages and add up the minutes. Maybe humbling but astounding at the same time. He needed to face the entirety of his A.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1527 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
MindMonkey
♂ Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

demos brings up a great point. SMS is going the way of the dinosaur.

My Ws first A in 2007 was all about SMS. She was stoopid because we didn't have an unlimted plan since we really only texted eachother and a few friends. After I got a phone bill that was three times more than normal, it was pretty obvious what was happening.

Now the second one...iPhone, words with friends, Facebook, iMessage. There wasn't a single SMS text on the phone bill with OM.

The number of messages isn't as surprising as the times. They routinely messaged until 4 am. Loser much?


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
Hurthalo
♂ Member
Member # 41782
Shocked  Posted: 4:05 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Betrayed: I think you were spared reading them. My WW said some horrible shit about me to the OM about me and our marriage, the majority of which was fabricated to validate their own filthy affair. My WW even mentioned how she had thought about what taking his last name would be like (while dithering for 18 months to actually changing to her actual married name)...

Yeah I don't feel like a consolation prize at all.


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 138 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
Betrayed67
♀ Member
Member # 38134
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurthalo, 'gday mate. Just realized we are neighbors. I am from NZ.

Yes, I'd like to think I was spared the pain...not that the pain I went through would be any less.

All the best to you. It is a hard road ahead for you. Until today, 4 days shy of my DDday anniversary, I still find it very hard to get my head around my WH's frame of find at the time of his infidelities. I still have times when I doubt his commitment even after pledging that he loves me and has always loved me, even during the course of his online cheating, and one time(according to him) extra marital sexual indiscretion.

[This message edited by Betrayed67 at 4:29 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Zealand
trojan007
♂ Member
Member # 36960
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow buddy, I don't know if I could handle being with her after what you just posted. Just knowing her being intimate with him is horrible. But to add insult to injury wanting to take the other man's name. Rewriting your marital history. And talking bad about you. I don't know how you can try to reconcile. The mind movies of them having sex and then right after that, I would be thinking about what she said in her e-mails to the OM. "Dealbreaker"

Posts: 58 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
Hurthalo
♂ Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trojan: They never had sex thank goodness, but it was headed that way I think despite her saying they didn't want to. It's about the only thing that has saved her.


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 138 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
foolishlycluless
♀ Member
Member # 41404
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me join this club. They were texting from 3,000-5,500 times per month, talking 15-25 hours per month, and video chatting - over an 18 month period. Ergo, my User Name. I had no clue.

This was just what I found from his cell phone records. He even bought a new cell phone so that he could text with her! I'm sure that he also used his business cell and his business telephone. I'm sure they emailed too, but I haven't been able to crack that one yet.

And as a previous poster noted, the gaps in texting that coincide with his business travel are, I'm sure, when they were actually meeting.

I'm supposed to get his timeline next week when we meet with our counselor, so I guess I'll know for sure then.


BW 55
WH 59
M 30 yrs, together 33 yrs, no children.
D-Day #1: 9/23/2013, EA 15+ months, PA with 34 YO business assoc
D-Day #2: 11/27/2013, OW, EA for 2-3 yrs (2005-2007), PA
D-Day #3: 6/6/2014, found the sex video
Status: Putting on my bitch bo

Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Washington DC
Dyokemm
♂ Member
Member # 40254
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HurtHako,

Yeah I know you discovered they were making out.

I should have been more clear on what I meant about PA.

After all this TT'ing, I would no longer believe a word that came out of her or POS's mouth about not having sex.

When I said the chances were dwindling that it wasn't PA, I meant that IMO it was dwindling that they never had sex during those rendezvous in the parks.


Posts: 58 | Registered: Aug 2013
Hurthalo
♂ Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dyoke: Yeah I hear that mate, but she has told me repeatedly that she is so adamant sex/oral didn't happen that she'd go for a poly.....and would trust his poly as well.

Judging from some of his emails to her post D-Day where he was begging her not to ignore him, his main complaint was 'now we'll never be able to explore the physical stuff'. Boo fucking hoo.

[This message edited by Hurthalo at 10:43 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 138 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

does she genuinely feel shame for the lies she said about you?

does she want to take your name now?

how do you get over this? How can you respect her? Have you asked her this?

Has she faced any consequences? Because if she hasn't, you're in for a rough ride. You two have a toddler for heaven's sake!


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2013
Landoes
♂ Member
Member # 40222
Default  Posted: 1:26 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WGF had over 800 lines of text at work, and she only worked for 2 hours at that job. I never got a MSG from her while I was working etc.
The effort they put it to cheating is amazing.

Posts: 70 | Registered: Aug 2013
Hurthalo
♂ Member
Member # 41782
Default  Posted: 3:56 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mike7: It has been hard. I went in full guns blazing post D-Day; I had seen a lawyer, emailed their work supervisor, had moved out, told both our parents, and was working with the OMW to shut their bullshit down and work out their lies. My WW had an affair fog of about 4 days before she realised what was at stake and dumped OM like a hot pie. He tried in vain to cling on and my wife to her eventual credit spurned him and told him effectively that the game was over. He was also sent an NC letter, and I personally warned him that if he ever tried to contact my wife again, I'd walk into his work and put his head through a table.

As for my wife, she has now finally done the paperwork to finally formalise taking her married name, we are going to MC and she is having IC. She is mortified that she has done this, and admitted that by compartmentalising the affair, she didn't realise what was at stake until it was too late.

There's no excuse of course, and I have D paperwork ready to go if I feel appropriate effort isn't being made. I'm still angry as hell.


Forgive the unforgivable, or bear the unbearable.

Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13


Posts: 138 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Australia
trojan007
♂ Member
Member # 36960
Default  Posted: 4:15 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurthalo you need to know she had an affair behind your back. I'd have to say she's capable of lying. Really if her lips are moving she's lying. Don't be so na´ve this woman your wife completely betrayed you. Don't be surprised if you find out later on it was a PA.
But I wouldn't worry about that so much. My opinion I would really worry about those emails. The information you discovered about your wife real intentions. You think she just wrote all that just for fun. I believe she meant every word of that. You discovered her true intentions. She gets caught oh honey I didn't really mean that. Come on you have to face reality here. I mean really please tell us what was her excuse was. Please don't get played by this person who made a conscious decision to hurt you. For me PA or not I personally wouldn't be worried about that so much. I would be definitely worried what she wrote in those emails. I hope you do the right thing buddy. And I understand it's hard you're in love with her. Good luck buddy keep posting

Posts: 58 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
Gemstone
♀ Member
Member # 42000
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

I'm new here, hope you don't mind me having an input. In amongst all my anger and hurt at my H texting to another woman, is the anger at myself, any one else feel this, I KNEW something wasn't right, he had gone from never really using his mobile, to getting an Iphone and never being off it, wouldn't give me his password or let me use it cos he said 'you know what you are like with technology'

he was on it all evening/night and when I asked he would say he was on ebay or just checking for emails and texts. I can't believe that I let it slide and didn't insist on accesing the phone myself or checking the itemised bill, she wasn't on Iphone at the beginning so all texts did show on it. I was so trusting of him it makes me sick. I will NEVER be so trusting again, but i dont like the person this has turned my into


Posts: 97 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United Kindgdon
DLP50
♀ Member
Member # 40232
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was texting the day before and day of my mom's memorial service!


Me BS-50ish
WH (not according to him)- 50ish
M - 18 yrs together 21
No kids together- DD and DS from my 1st marriage
5 Beautiful GD's

Posts: 57 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Out West
Gemstone
♀ Member
Member # 42000
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DLP50

The more I read on this site, the more I realise the depths of selfishness these betrayers have. They are so wrapped into what they need/want thay they really dont give a care at all for anyone else.

So sorry that you had to learn how little support you were getting when you needed it.

I hope you are taking care of yourself.


Posts: 97 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United Kindgdon
HighSticked
♂ New Member
Member # 41557
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sad to see how many of us have been hurt so deeply by this. My wife and her "friend" texted over 7,000 messages in 3 months. I'm glad it was just a simple "friendship" and nothing more serious..... She wrote a NC letter and says it's over but I don't believe it. I was able to read the last few hundred of their messages and see how emotionally charged it was/is. I am still monitoring the account, but they know it and have probably moved to other methods to keep up their relationship. I'm not trying to monitor them anymore and feel that if it's still going on that I'll find out eventually and then it'll be over. As you an imagine, to text 7,000 times in 3 months, they were on the phone at all hours of the day and night.


Madhatters
I broke her heart and spirit in Jan, 2010.
She broke my heart in Nov 2013.
DD - 16
DS - 14
DD - 12
DS - 8
Wanting to R but doubtful it will work

Posts: 43 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Western USA
foolishlycluless
♀ Member
Member # 41404
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was so trusting of him it makes me sick.

^^^^^^ THIS ^^^^^^^

I didn't think I had a reason NOT to trust him. I don't think that I'll ever be able to trust him again, and it hurts terribly.


BW 55
WH 59
M 30 yrs, together 33 yrs, no children.
D-Day #1: 9/23/2013, EA 15+ months, PA with 34 YO business assoc
D-Day #2: 11/27/2013, OW, EA for 2-3 yrs (2005-2007), PA
D-Day #3: 6/6/2014, found the sex video
Status: Putting on my bitch bo

Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Washington DC
trojan007
♂ Member
Member # 36960
Default  Posted: 4:49 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey buddy I hope everything is okay please keep posting let us know how you doing

Posts: 58 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
Whatdoido333
♀ Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never counted the actual texts but when they were deep into the A it was texting on and off from 6AM until 1AM everyday. I had no idea until I had a feeling and picked up his phone and saw some texts. Then I went back and checked the phone bill.

He even got a private phone and told me it was for work. He hid it in his car. I picked it up one day and looked at the contacts OW1 and OW2 only. oW2 is 30 years younger than he is.
now with iMessage and all the apps it's impossible to track, but I rarely bother looking anymore. just gets me upset. They still communicate but not as much, at least I don't think so.
They still work together so I can imagine what's going on. Every morning he leaves home to go to his job in the 3 person office...him, OW and some other guy. Would love to talk to that guy


Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 68
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