Good post....captures much of the way this whole process plays out.....tough to the point of feeling impossible, then small changes resulting in forward progress.
I tend to analyze things when I can't get at my feelings
This spoke to me. I think I do this same thing....think it might be one of the drivers to my 20 plus books reaad in 17 months. Before this I would read maybe 5 books in that same time period. Will think on this a bit.....thanks.
I think it shows that forgiveness is creeping in
"Forgiveness as a whisper..." I remember writing this in the post when I realized I had forgiven my wife.
I read several books specifically on forgiveness....the various types, how to get there, what it is about etc..
I finished those books....still no forgiveness in my heart.
I continued to pray God would open my heart to forgiveness.....
It just wasnt happening for me...and I was trying everything!
then.......i felt......different. I was feeling, not analyzing at this point in the process of forgiving. I challenged myself on what I was feeling....testing myself really.
At first I felt cheated.....how could this be forgiveness? I wasnt even working directly on that "task". I must be rug sweeping, because I wasnt actively seeking answers and tips on how to forgive....no way could I do this, I must be ignoring something, rug sweeping.
For 2 weeks I felt this change.
For another 2 weeks I sat with it.
Finally, I realized I had forgiven my wife. God was instrumental in my journey, as was the analyzing efforts a few months earlier....but the actual path to forgiveness? I can't explain how I got there...only that I did....and forgiveness was achieved in a very quiet manner for me.
It was anticlimatic. It failed to meet my expectations. I expected huge fan-fare....maybe a nice dinner out to tell my wife I had forgiven her. It was none of that. I just told her casually but intentionally after work one day....that was it.
My pain and sorrow and anger were still present...but forgiveness had occurred. The whole situation was different....the trial of adultery had changed.
Forgiveness was not a fix-all...and part of me thought it would be. But I dont think any one process we are going through is a fix-all. Each completed process rolls into the bigger process off learning to R.
I am not even sure if this "big picture process" is ever intended to end. Kind of feel that is a mistake of my past....to think we were married and that is for life...end of story, end of inputs and intentionality.
Regardless....this post of yours bionicgal just confirms that which I already noticed.
You and Mr. Bionicgal are solidly into R. I have enjoyed your posts and will continue to follow and pray for your guys.
God be with us all.