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Newest Member: turdlben (45332)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Punched in the stomach
♀ Member
Member # 39564
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You sound like a very strong woman. This is good and will help you greatly in the roller coaster ride of emotions that is to come. It is a hellish ride but there is sun shining on the other side, just hold on tight and the love of your family and friends, and SI, will get you through it.

Me (BS) 40 Him (WH, SA, covert NPD) 41
Married 8 years, 2 young kids
DD1-Right after engagement 2004
DD2-Email from OW 2008
DD3-2012-Him diagnosed with cancer, I thought we grew closer, he kept cheating.

Posts: 110 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but please, don't make any permanent decisions yet or for quite some time really. Tell yourself you will give it a year. Then get some good books to help you with this. "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass helped me a lot. There is a "Book Club" forum on this site that should help and there is lots of stuff in the healing library.

Everything you said, about what you were doing while he was cheating, the trip to Vegas, taking care of your mom, etc., all feel like such betrayals and they are, but all of us have had to deal with those betrayals and many of us are still together.

First you need to know you are not alone. Looke at your member number. That is how many people that are on this site alone. This happens in good marriages, solid marriages, marriages that you never thought that it would.
It does though and we are left to deal with it.

The pain you are feeling now will get better. It will take time, but it will get better. Keep posting, find someone you can talk to, limit the number of people you tell, and get ready for the roller-coaster ride of your life. Hugs.

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1319 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My only advice is to let the dust settle before you start making big, permanent decisions. This whirlwind state is not a good place to make important decisions from.

I'm so sorry you're here.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 41951
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all of you. I'm hearing what you are saying. I'm, as of today, totally realizing the man I have loved and lived with as best friend is nothing but a "dude" looking for a hookup. Apparently he lacks intimacy in his life according to all of his online profiles. Can't wait till tomorrow, he comes home. I'm not ready for this but I've got to go with my heart, which is saying, pack his bags, and put him out the side of the road.
How does one spend 26 years of marriage and not know the the last two years he has been on the prowl for "something else" .

I know the marriage is 50-50 problems but the affair is all his. Since I confronted, he has shown very little remorse. And In fact, tonight emailed that he "has an addiction" and shouldn't I understand that? No... I don't. This is all his doing.

Our confrontation was Jan 4th . In five days he has responded to at least 5 woman. This is sick, right?

New Mantra: You were my best friend. Now you're someone I used to know.

" He paved paradise and put up a parking lot"
BS - me
WS- him
married 26 years, together since kids
D- Day Jan 4 2014
PMA- starting this moment
R - in MC. WH is in IC

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:23 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are strong. I can see that. You need to be.

You have seen what he is capable of. It is sociopathic and he isn't even trying to stop what he's doing. He is carrying on and thinks you will put up with it.

You know what you have to do.

I am so sorry you are with us.

hugs to you

Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 718 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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