Dad used to say to me and my sister, "it is hard enough to change yourself, impossible to change someone else."
Change is very difficult for both parties. My H and I are one year in and after the excitement (for lack of a better word) of the first year, the things that require work, still require work but they are not as frequent or as overwhelming. We are much more conscience of them now.
but it's scary to know how much TRY there is on his part to change habits
Well, it becomes pretty clear when his actions are meeting up with his words. Remorse, I have learned over this past year is something you can see and not just hear.
He really needs to work on gaining your trust at this point. Trust is precious. Expect a set back or two. I am not speaking about contacting the AP but moreso in WS behavior (loose boundaries, selfish behavior, entitlement). Know that it will come. Altho discouraging, these moments provide another opp to learn and grow and to keep pushing forward.
It's a new way of living and if you both work at it, R will be wonderful.