You are going to have to let her work through this right now her feelings are what matters the most. The last thing on her mind is how you feel, as she is the one that has been betrayed.
Just be there for her.
Be humble, be attentive, back off when she asks, be available 24/7 for her. Take the heat, validate her feelings, don't blame shift or make excuses. Work on yourself and what brought you to this. Be patient, have compassion.
She's going to say some really nasty things to you, she wants to hurt you back. Control your pride and ego to the best of your ability.
It's hard, it's dark and it sucks, but if you want her back it's worth it.
I wish you the best
I wanted so bad to lean on my BS for support, but it's not the right thing. You'll only push her away, I found out the hard way.
Keep your shit together, it's the anger you have at yourself that's projecting outward. Join the gym, start running, make new friends, any kind of outlet.
It's OK to be mad, just don't show it at any cost. Easier said than done I know.
She's a mess, you're not allowed to be. It's time to find out what you're made of. Suck it up, it's a rough ride and you've got to be ready for it. Shift your priorities
Most importantly, be sober
I know all of this may sound rough, but I feel your pain. Its really tough, but it can be done. Do the right thing for her, her feelings take priority over yours.
It's f'ing hard and you will slip, but that's OK. Catch yourself, acknowledge it to her if she's receptive and move on.
If you need a place for yourself there is a really great recovery forum. It is really well moderated and the support there is awesome for people with alcohol/drug addictions. You can learn a lot there and you will see that there are lots of people going thru what you are. Let me know if you are interested and I will send you the link.
[This message edited by Lilypad at 10:20 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]
If you could, please send me the link to the recovery form that you had mentioned. I would appreciate it. Thanks.
Sent you a PM with the link.
It has a lot to do with the fact that I have done a lot of work on myself. And I know that I still have a lot more work to do on myself. Counselling should be had, books should be read, journaling should be done. Just to name a few things.
Anyway there was just one thing I wanted to touch up on though...
It's OK to be mad, just don't show it at any cost
You know, yes, it is okay to be mad but whatever you do, don't hide it. At all. You can't hide your feelings from your spouse. I learned that hiding your feelings and bottling them up inside just makes things a whole lot worse.
That is one thing that I did pretty much my entire life. I learned from my mother not to let out your feelings. Just to keep them to yourself and not let anyone know there is anything wrong with you. Well you know where that got me in life? It ended with me having an affair and almost ruining my life with my family.
You need to be completely honest with your feelings. Sure, don't get upset or pissed off and go off at your spouse. But don't hide your feelings. I honestly cannot stress that enough.