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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just got crushed again
ladythump
♀ Member
Member # 22995
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't been on this site for a couple of years. I moved on from my WS and met a wonderful man and fell in love. We have been together for two years.

I've had insecurities about my boyfriend being friends with his ex girlfriend. I never felt like he was going to cheat on me but I always felt like I was competing against her for some reason. I always felt like he never loved me as much as he loved her. I spent a short time in counseling to help me figure it out and I think after two years it was getting easier for me.

To make a long story short, he broke up with me the other day with hardly any discussion about it. He basically said I didn't trust him, I never would and I would never get over him being friends with his ex. Basically he broke up with me, apologized and just said it will never get better so we might as well end it now before we end in a bad breakup.

Of course I feel like crap and I am mostly surprised at how easy it was for him to throw away a two year relationship.
I realize a lot of how I acted was because of my insecurities. I've made an appt with a counselor. I'm just wondering what others think about this, if they've been through the same thing with someone who they met after their marriage and any other words of advice would be helpful.

Thanks for listening. I realize it's hard to tell an entire story in a single post.


If the marriage was worth saving, we wouldn't be here.

D Day - Feb 15, 2009



Posts: 131 | Registered: Feb 2009
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hugs)))

Honestly I think that it was very easy for him to throw away a 2 year relationship for he was unwilling to throw away the longer relationship with the XGF. I think that your instincts were spot on and while you might be hurting now, I have to believe that this might be a blessing for you in the long run as it seems that this XGF would always be in the picture. At this time take care of yourself. If you feel that you might have been too untrusting then be honest with a good friend or an IC and let them level set things.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum


Posts: 49764 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am with Moving. He knew this was an issue with you and continued with their friendship regardless.

I am so sorry you got hurt.

I think it is very hard when we have a past of dealing with infidelity. That battle of figuring out if our own insecurities are the issue or if it is really our gut talking and we need to heed warning.


When someone shows you their true colors, don't try to repaint them.

Posts: 1871 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Oh the Irony
Member
Member # 12354
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, I was dating someone and I got triggered by a chick that he met at a conference. She kept triggering me for about a month--none of his other female friends really triggered me. I was curious about them, and wanted to place them, but not a big deal.

I broke up with him because of my triggering. Lo an behold, two weeks later I suspect that they think they are in love from their twitter feeds. A month later it was confirmed. (And at some point in there, he requested no contact and blocked me on facebook! He didn't want me to know that I was right.)

Trust your gut. If you are uncomfortable, you have to lean back a bit and see how you feel. Who wants to be in a relationship where you are triggering? If you keep getting a strong repeat message then don't ignore it. Find someone that you KNOW adores you.


Two gorgeous boys, 14 and 8.
D-day Sept. 15, 2006.
Me, BS 43
Him, WS 50
Her, OG (Guess she is 27 or 28 now! 19-21 at the time...)
Separated. Divorcing. Happily working on myself.

Posts: 728 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: thankful for truth
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am betting that your instincts are right on, and you'll soon hear that they are together.



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2795 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with everyone else. I hate to sound negative but I am pretty sure this XGF of his is his backup plan and it was only EASY because he had a girl waiting on the back burner for him to pull the trigger on your relationship!!! JERK FTG!!! You deserve so much better! Who wants someone that can give up so easily anyways???!!!

Plus.....after you have been through what we have been through....you tend to become overly cautious and wanting, NEEDING, and expecting boundaries with the opposite sex should have been a given!!!! ESPECIALLY with an ex!!! They are exes for a reason! If there aren't kids involved....cut those ties out of respect!!!!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 3:24 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2443 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust your gut.

He was with you for 2 years. You were supposed to be in a serious relationship, and he wouldn't ditch his old gf for you? He has a boundaries problem. It's him, not you!

If he was really "just friends" with her, and it made you really uncomfortable, why couldn't he give her up? You are supposed to be the priority, but he made her the priority because you are the one he got rid of. He still has feelings for her. You don't want to be second best.

I'm so sorry for your pain (((ladythump))) But you deserve to be the priority.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14917 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
ladythump
♀ Member
Member # 22995
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your opinions. She has moved on with another bf and is moving out of his town in a couple of weeks. I don't think he had feelings for her but you are all right, he was willing to throw me away and not willing to throw her away. He says his first wife made him give up friends and he wasn't going to do that again and refused to do it now. Funny, but I never asked him to give her up as a friend. He just never told me if and when he talked to her or saw her. That was the annoying part and that was what I was suspicious of.


If the marriage was worth saving, we wouldn't be here.

D Day - Feb 15, 2009



Posts: 131 | Registered: Feb 2009
Topic Posts: 8

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