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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I haven't felt this numb since xwh......shit finally hit the fan
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Sad  Posted: 7:46 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WARNING: LONG RANT

So....most of you know that my relationship with my sister has been incredibly unstable. Since when I was pregnant and she begged me to watch my daughter for free.....I knew deep down and even expressed to her that she would eventually resent me. And, she has...progressively....been more touchy...more violently volatile emotionally over the time she has been watching her....and what friendship we had while I was pregnant dwindled away slowly into nothingness... which saddens me because it was nice to FINALLY be close to my sister. We have a 9 year age gap....so we had never been close...plus being polar opposites in personality didn't make it any easier....

So yesterday....I made the "error" apparently of posting on Facebook that I wanted my friends to give my dad prayers because his furnace went out and his house was around 32 degrees and I hoped that it would be an easy fix. This set her off the deep end.... like taking a drop of water onto an "almost" overflowing glass of water. She exploded on me. She called me at work ON MY WORK NUMBER and yelled at me so loudly that my coworkers could probably have heard her. I tried to whisper in response but finally told her I can't do this at work and hung up. She said that my dad was prideful man and I just humiliated him to his family. She posted underneath (before I deleted the whole post that was up for a whole 30 minutes - of which none of his busy Washington D.C. big wig family members would have seen anyways on a Weds at 2pm!!!!) that SHE was going to pay for his new furnace and that how dare I air out his financial situation on Facebook. She got mad that I didn't mention "in my original post" that he was staying with her. I told her I did say that when a friend asked me where he was staying. I said, with my sister thank goodness or he would be with me.

I, in turn, called my dad and told him what I had done.....apologized if that, in any way, upset him and said that I KNEW 99.9% sure.....that none of his family saw that post and it wouldn't matter anyway....but that I wanted him to know from me that my heart was in the right place and I was in no way trying to maliciously or otherwise hurt him.

I went outside to finally "try" to reason with her on the phone in the parking lot of my work (since I hadn't taken a lunch yesterday)
Anyways....this whole thing she turned around on her and made it ALL about her. She is constantly saying my daughter is 50% hers before she dies (she has cerebral palsy - another reason I always let her win fights because she throws her disability in my face and instills guilt in me and I give up) BUT....she claims my daughter is half hers but then yells at me for not offering her more money NOW (KNOWING I'm giving up my duplex and about to pay her every month by living with my dad!!!)She says I should offer her gas money when she takes her to her best friend and she works during the day. This was news to me until yesterday. She PURPOSELY asks to work during the day to escape my child. I'm not stupid. She offers to do this at work. She says I don't reimburse her for food she buys her...another lie! I told my dad....who is stuck in the middle that I bought his Christmas present that was from both of us with MY money and when she bought Piper food....I told her to take out the amount she paid from what she owed me...and she did. But, since I didn't physically give her cash.... it doesn't count.

Then the past got brought up. She is a low blow fighter. She will bring up anything and everything you have ever done wrong in YOUR LIFE in a fight from birth on.....and use it against you.....and not just once...OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN! She mentioned how I wasn't there more when my grandmother was dying..which was literally a month after D-day! I was distraught....in a dark place...and desperately trying to save my marriage with any strands I could grasp...and I told her what was going on and SHE STILL guilts me about that. She says she had to lie to her (because my grandmother was blind) and say I was there....when I was probably in a corner somewhere at home in a puddle of misery. I would do ANYTHING to go back and change that. I would do ANYTHING to have left him and had more time with her before she died....and everytime she throws that in my face....its like being kicked in the proverbial balls.... because I can't change what happened. I can't change the fact that I loved my husband so much and was dying inside. I can't help that I was being emotionally selfish at that time in my life.

She used things my ex-husband did to her..... apparently he was a bully and I should have seen it ....but I never knew about it until I was separated.... just all sorts of rambles from a crazy woman....she would go from one topic to completely other with no rhyme or reason.....and called me selfish, greedy, never gives her credit, thoughtless, hateful, abusive...the list goes on and on.

She was yelling and screaming and talking so fast I couldn't get a word in edgewise....I tried and tried to talk calmly.....I have a very lOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGG fuse. But, something inside of me finally snapped. The abusive way she was talking to me and making me out to be some sort of super villain finally turned me into one....the Incredible Hulk if I had to pick one.... (I guess he wasn't a villain but its the closest thing I can think of to the sound I made next!)I took my phone.....put my mouth up to it....and growled and screamed as loud as I could ..... out of pure anger and hatred. I haven't felt that kind of rage since when my XWH and I would fight after his A came out. I turned into THAT monster and I hate myself and her for that. I never have wanted to feel that again....with ANYONE....and I never knew I was capable of it until XWH.....but she brought it back to the surface....

And, the sad part is....it didn't even phase miss crazy person....she just kept on rambling and ranting and yelling.... and then I stood there feeling defeated.....and hopeless... and helpless...and just wanted to run into the woods....find a cave and hide...for the rest of my life.

So....her friends started sending me hateful messages calling me abusive and a bad mother...and then my sister put up a huge humiliating post on Facebook about me, my ex-husband, and just everything that should have remained within the family and not aired out for the world to see.....most of which was embellished by her crazy mind and not even close to the truth to begin with!!!! That's when I deactivated my Facebook account. I want nothing to do with this drama anymore. I want to be left alone.

Apparently my best friend defended me on her post saying that it was funny how she didn't want people's personal business aired on Facebook but she didn't have a problem airing out a whole lot MORE personal business on hers. All she got was a bunch of trashy responses in which she said she would not have a mudslinging competition and if you wanted to talk to her in person and compare notes on what you think you know than I will tell you what I know and we can discuss things like civilized human beings, otherwise the middle school bullshit needs to stop. (GO BESTIE BTW - I LOVE HER)

So...nana met me after work and went with me to the driveway at my sisters to get my daughter.... She came out of the house with Piper's things and Sara had Piper....and nana got out and put Piper in the car. The look on my sisters face meant business. She had fully intended on yelling and screaming at me in front of my daughter.....and I'm so glad I brought nana with me. She did yell a few things like "You know what I go through nana...with my disability and I get no credit and no appreciation (which is not true...I praised her CONSTANTLY and was always doing things for her and again pulling the CP card out - which I can't fight against and won't) She also said....well...go ahead and listen to all of her lies... okay...whatever.

So....as it stands we are not speaking...my Facebook is down which is for the best....I am away from the drama. I left my cell phone with nana so she can't blow up my phone and upset me at work.....and if she calls me on my work phone I will tell her I can't talk to her at my job anymore. Nana and my bestie's sister Ryan are gonna watch Piper for me free until I move...which I am in the works now....I guess I need to put notice into my landlord now? I hope to be moved by mid-February/end of February at the latest..... when I get my tax return back so I can afford a storage unit and the incidental fees of moving (U-Haul truck, etc). Plus, I HAVE to give at least a month's notice to my landlord anyways....


But.....today...I feel lost. Numb. Like this is a horrible nightmare that I haven't woke up from yet. Its like the A just happened all over again.... and my family members are dropping like flies.... and I don't know what to do but go through the motions....


[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 7:59 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyways....thank you for letting me get all of that toxicity off my chest.... I can't wait to see my IC next week.... I may email her to see if she can fit me in today or tomorrow. I'm glad I had friends last night....


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
amitheow
♀ Member
Member # 4691
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your sister is abusive and because she is sick people let her get away with it. My sister was sick and terminal when she was a kid. She was AWFUL because they let her do anything she wanted. Then they cured her, no longer teriminal and we were left with a monster. For 31 years she terorized us until she went to rehab and got herself changed around (she had started with drugs and all that) ...

I think it's best you give your sister a WIDE berth for awhile ... I'm sad for you and your daughter that you're going to have to do that, but it's self preservation time. You probably think there is NO WAY she would ever tell Piper mean things about you and she loves Piper so much yadda yadda but yes she would ... she really would.

I think it's best if possible to move on with your life. What did your dad say?


Old Timer, Just here to help
My screen name is: Am I The Ow? - Not Ami the OW.

Because in my situation I didn't know if I was the OW at first or if I was being cheated on. Found I was being cheated on.


Posts: 5081 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: Texas
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your sister is an asshole.

Your child is YOURS. Piper is 0% hers.

If she wanted a child, she should have had one. And I'd say that to her, low blow or not. SHE can throw out shitty things to say----I would give them right back.

Fuck her. You do NOT need that in your life, Shelly.

I'm glad you have people that will take care of Piper for you while you work and get ready to move.

I would go completely NC with your sister, were I you. NOTHING. NO texts. NO calls. Block her number. If she calls you at work, hang up, do not engage, if she needs to call a switchboard to get to you at work, tell the operator that she is NOT to put your sister through at all, ever. "Emergency" or not.


And seriously, I'm sorry she has CP. But that doesn't give her unlimited license to be a dick forever. I know lots of people with CP. They're not always happy, shiny people---but more often than not, they are. Your sister is just a miserable person. She could have no health problems, and I think she'd STILL think everyone owes her something.

Fuck her.

(((((((Shelly and Piper))))))))


Posts: 3285 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And seriously, I'm sorry she has CP. But that doesn't give her unlimited license to be a dick forever. I know lots of people with CP. They're not always happy, shiny people---but more often than not, they are. Your sister is just a miserable person. She could have no health problems, and I think she'd STILL think everyone owes her something.

Fuck her.

I agree. I can't win a fight when she pulls the CP card....that makes me feel like I'm going to hell!

I just can't do this anymore. I found an affordable private sitter that is within a decent price range that I'm considering for when I move.... and I'm going to maintain NC with my sister. I can't deal with her drama anymore. I'm officially done DONE.... like charcoaled done!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good move, Shelly. I'm proud of you for stepping away.

She is every bit as toxic as your xwh was.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7409 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its official....I just put in my notice to my landlord.....I will be out by March 1st no matter what.....

Why is this so hard for me....


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
foreverempty
♂ Member
Member # 34426
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Shelly))))

Sounds like a nightmare of a day but you seem to be handling it well which is credit to you.

Good luck with the apartment move.


Me BS: 35
Her WW: 34
D Day 5th December 2011
Current status: Filled for divorce 23rd Jan 2012. Response from WW was not to beg for forgiveness, but deleting me from Facebook.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: United Kingdom
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Change is always hard because it's CHANGE.

There's the fear of the unknown. The hard work of learning how to do things a new way.

But Shelly, it's going to be OK.

And your sister is a first class bully. You and Piper don't need toxic people like her in your lives.

Absolutely DO NOT feel any guilt over your actions because you didn't do anything wrong.

{{{hugs}}}


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6451 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Change is always hard because it's CHANGE.
There's the fear of the unknown. The hard work of learning how to do things a new way.

But Shelly, it's going to be OK.

And your sister is a first class bully. You and Piper don't need toxic people like her in your lives.

Absolutely DO NOT feel any guilt over your actions because you didn't do anything wrong.

Thank you k9....thank you EVERYONE!

This is just so hard..... I NEVER wanted to move out of our home. I mean....my duplex has become my home!!!!! I'm gonna miss it...and my freedom. Living with my dad at my age is a real ego killer too..... but I have a 3 year plan....if I can pay off my car (Less than 2 years left on that loan) ...and a huge credit card debt which will be paid off in 2 years and 7 months.... that will open up my income by $550 a month...Piper will be close to school age which will cut down on childcare costs....and if I can clean up my credit from the outstanding medical bills that I incurred while preggo without insurance that her deadbeat sperm donor wouldn't help me with....then perhaps I can get us a small house at the end of this dark dark awful tunnel......

I'm trying to look at the big picture....but right now.....its really hard.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 12:32 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is just so wrong of her. I don't care how sick she is, that was just mean of her. I think it's good that you are cutting her out of your life. You don't need a toxic person like that in your life.

You said that you are moving in with your dad but he is living with her. Are the both of you moving somewhere else? I hope that you won't be living with her also.

I am sorry you are going through this. Sometimes family just sucks!


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4678 | Registered: Feb 2008
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Big healthy steps. Good for you. Keep your focus on what's best for you and Piper.

And honey? Leave the FB de-activated. That's a whole lot of unnecessary drama.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24366 | Registered: Aug 2011
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You didn't deserve one bit of what your sister was dishing out. Not. One. Bit.

(((She11ybeanz)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9401 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So who is going to babysit now? I certainly hope you put an end to your sister's babysitting services.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3150 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((She11)))

Your sister is a master manipulating dick. CP be damned. That is no excuse to treat people with zero respect, or tolerance. If any other person in the world spoke to you that way you would probably just laugh and walk away.

Unfortunately some of us have some very dysfunctional family members, and despite them trying to help us, they always end up harming us. NC is the best option now.

I have a very dear friend who has a sister that is similar, and she maintained NC with her for well over 5 years, and by NC I mean ZERO. Then she showed up at her gym, and is starting the steps of rebuilding that relationship, and the time, the maturing, and life experience of both of them has allowed my dear friend to be open to it, but very very cautious.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7785 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone here had/has a tag line of "put the cuckoo back in the clock". I think that applies here. Shelly, a lot of your posts lately are about you discovering that you can either engage in others' drama and get sucked into it, or you can step away from the drama and refuse to engage in it. Here is another example of stepping away, doing something difficult so you remain out of the drama, and refusing the temptation of trying to "fix" a situation that isn't your's to fix.

Growth is hard. Severing bonds with unhealthy family members or friends is hard. WB once said to me "they can't f*ck with your heart if you don't let them". Step away. Own your own stuff, let go of her's. Walk away.

You're doing good. I can see the growth.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
foreverempty
♂ Member
Member # 34426
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree with NIK about Facebook. Just done it myself last week.

It attracts a lot of drama and opens up a window into and out of our lives that we've no control over.

Shut the window and lock it. Keep the draught out and keep you and Piper warm.

[This message edited by foreverempty at 2:18 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Me BS: 35
Her WW: 34
D Day 5th December 2011
Current status: Filled for divorce 23rd Jan 2012. Response from WW was not to beg for forgiveness, but deleting me from Facebook.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: United Kingdom
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You said that you are moving in with your dad but he is living with her. Are the both of you moving somewhere else? I hope that you won't be living with her also.

OH GAWD NO!!!! I would live in a cave first! My dad has his own home and my sister lives in my grandmother's old house which my dad also owns and pays my dad rent (supposedly). I would never and could never live with her.....like EVER!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Growth is hard. Severing bonds with unhealthy family members or friends is hard. WB once said to me "they can't f*ck with your heart if you don't let them". Step away. Own your own stuff, let go of her's. Walk away.

You're doing good. I can see the growth.

I just cried reading that...but in a good way. Thank you. I feel like I've grown a lot too...but it has been very painful growth. Piper is being watched by her nana....and I looked into a secure daycare center called honeytree.....it is a franchise and my best friend's daughter goes to another one that is local. This one is "literally" down the hill from my office! Its a little expensive....but meals are included...and drinks....activities.... and its a secured location that I can feel safe that my daughter is with professional staff and can't be abducted by my crazy sister on some sort of whim!!! Its about $125 more a month than a private professional.....but between gas and my sanity....it may well be worth it.... its about $40 shy of what my rent is right now....and the lady said they are running a special and if I enroll piper by January 31st...I will get all of February FREE ...and she can put her in with the 2 year olds...instead of 18 month olds...which saves me another $125 a month.... (because I discussed my single mother situation to her) and I think Piper could handle it. She usually plays with 3 year olds.....and she is super tall for her age....so we shall try.

I am worried about how she will be with strangers all day.....this will be a 1st.....AND older kids.... but we will try...

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 2:10 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
2kidsandadog
♀ Member
Member # 33679
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your sister is the epitome of a drama queen. She is one of those "low blow" kind of people that when she gets mad, they aren't intelligent enough to stick to the subject at hand on how things are affecting THEM. They have to go mud sling people's dirty laundry for no good reason.

She's immature and somehow I sense she's got some jealously issues going on with you.

How debilitating is her CP? If she's able to take care of a baby, then she must be pretty functional.


Divorced 05/11/11 -
2kids - 20 and 22 (Thank God for them)

Too many Ddays to count. Enough said!


Posts: 693 | Registered: Oct 2011
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