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Newest Member: BrokenBrunette (44275)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Warn xMM that I confessed?
Regrette
♀ New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

no, it really kind of is...

Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feel free to go somewhere else...no one is making you stay here.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196472 | Registered: May 2002
Regrette
♀ New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it's isn't a cult, coolness notwithstanding, I dare the mods to prove it. You can boot me from these boards, but I dare you to leave my posts up for all to see.

I never showed a lack of understanding the gravity of my mistake, and I never showed a lack of caring for others. Except for posters attacking me.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
Regrette
♀ New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I attack ideas not people. You attack me personally. Big difference. At no point did I say you're deluded or crazy or irresponsible or selfish.

Except now. I am calling you cult members, and I fully realize the seriousness of that attack. You cannot tolerate dissent of any kind.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off...not one person attacked you.

Second off...what exactly are we supposed to prove? That you're wrong for wanting to protect the XMM? Well, that's simple. You're wrong.

You dare us to leave your posts up? Well, that' again is simple because we don't delete posts


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196472 | Registered: May 2002
Regrette
♀ New Member
Member # 41722
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go back and READ the part where I said YOU'RE RIGHT IT'S STUPID OF ME TO WANT TO WARN xMM. I WON'T DO IT. MY BH CAN EXPOSE US ALL FOR ALL I CARE. IT'S HIS PREROGATIVE.

Reading. Comprehension.

Get a red pencil and a blue pencil and start making circles and get back to me with a jpeg. Show you're work and I won't believe it's a cult. Bloody 'ell.

I am sorry to waste so many peoples' time. I truly wanted--was needy-- for help. I helped my H by CONFESSING the TRUTH to him with NO EVIDENCE and 18 months of the A behind me. I did not expect the blind hysteria.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: blue state
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Attacked you personally?

No. Attacked your ideas.

Big difference.

As far as being a cult?

I do know one thing. I was a very broken down human being when I arrived here two years ago. And my life has done nothing but improve with the help and guidance of some amazing people here.

My healing is mine. My self-improvement is mine. I worked dang hard for it. SI didn't give it to me. I worked hours upon horrifying hours, days upon agonizing days for it. People here suggested things. I took what I needed. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

It's no different than going to the doctor's office and telling the nurses and physicians the symptoms and them giving me suggestions for the cure. Doing the things they suggest is up to me to heal.

How exactly is that being a cult?


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6052 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, you have some major anger issues. Rope yourself back in...no one wants to fight with you.

I did not expect the blind hysteria.

That would be coming from your end. No one here is yelling at you or losing their cool...just you.

Show some respect or find somewhere else because honestly at this point, all you're doing is alienating yourself from those that would have helped you.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196472 | Registered: May 2002
astudentoflife
♂ Member
Member # 25821
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow, student of life, ok, gotchya, you're repelled now, a total flip.

Um, yes because you have shown yourself to be capable of abuse to everyone on the thread and in your life. That has made me question my own reading of your situation.

I buck your perceived view of this site as a "cult" where everyone is indoctrinated. I don't do "cults" well at all. I got onto your original thread because for the most part the thoughts are that the WS must do everything possible to help heal the BS. Some folks disregard "abuse" because they may not even be aware of it. As I said, I have seen firsthand the results of abuse and understand that abusers are all different in their tactics. So I stated, against the common theme, that you did not owe your spouse to help him heal. You could rightly ask for a divorce or demand that he make immediate changes to himself. Many would disagree with that. So don't tell me about this being a "cult" which everyone must drink the Kool Aid.

My wife has severe PTSD from my abuse. However, she would never knowingly hurt an innocent party as you have admitted to here. You lash out at everyone trying to help and even yell at the moderators. You are trying to show everyone your superiority and coming back in spades when people tell you that you are pushing them away. You throw abuse around at everyone. That is why I am repelled. Because it dawned on me that the folks on the original thread may have had your number from the beginning. If abused your defense would be to your abuser alone, not anyone else. What has the BW done to you? what have your children done to you? What have any of us done to you, except to offer our experiences?

Quite frankly I am repelled by your sheer selfishness and abuse of other people. Abuse for which you came on here expecting everyone to feel sorry for you. It dawned on me that you are epitome of an abuser. You need to do a lot of hard work to realize why you feel entitled to hurt anybody that gets in your way. Your views are repellent and frankly it is hard to feel anything about your actions except contempt. Not you. I feel for you. I believe you are unhappy in your life and will continue to move through it with more and more bitterness, hurting a lot of people on the way. I know that from firsthand experience with myself, until I realized that I was my won worst enemy and decided to do something about it.

When something snaps at my hand I pull it back. So do most people on this site and in general.


WS:52 Male
BS:47 Female
Working towards R and forgiveness.
Also working on domestic abuse issues (9 months abuse free, working hard for more)
My wife is my greatest teacher and best friend.


Posts: 320 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Florida
OktoberMest
♀ Member
Member # 34173
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go back and READ the part where I said YOU'RE RIGHT IT'S STUPID OF ME TO WANT TO WARN xMM. I WON'T DO IT. MY BH CAN EXPOSE US ALL FOR ALL I CARE. IT'S HIS PREROGATIVE.
Reading. Comprehension.

Get a red pencil and a blue pencil and start making circles and get back to me with a jpeg. Show you're work and I won't believe it's a cult. Bloody 'ell.

I am sorry to waste so many peoples' time. I truly wanted--was needy-- for help. I helped my H by CONFESSING the TRUTH to him with NO EVIDENCE and 18 months of the A behind me. I did not expect the blind hysteria.

One day, I hope, you will read this and see there really is only one hysterical person in this thread. Only one person shouting as far as I can see. Only one person condescending others with "red pencil...blue pencil" nonsense.

What help do you actually want, because I'm not seeing it. Start letting some of those walls down and we can help you. Until you do that it is inevitable you will feel attacked because you you are isolating yourself as DS correctly pointed out. I can understand why you feel like the forum is a cult as well because there is a shared belief that you do not possess. That belief is the belief in living an authentic, honest life, in whatever direction that takes us. a belief in being honest with ourselves first and foremost, even if that is uncomfortable. If that's a cult then sign me up.

I think you are looking for us to soothe you, not help you. The two are very different processes.

[This message edited by OktoberMest at 6:54 PM, January 10th (Friday)]


Me: FWW (35) Growing up at last.
LonelyHusband: BH (41)
Dday 1: 29/Oct/11; Dday 2:15/Nov/11; last TT 15/Mar/12
In R...working my arse off.
When you're struggling with commitment to your marriage, just imagine what it's like to be a penguin.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
circe
♀ Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Regrette, none of the people responding to you seem angry to me. We don't have any reason to be. You came looking for advice from people who have been in some version of your situation. Folks read, thought about it, and then gave you some advice that you should be honest and try to be a good person. It's really nothing revolutionary or outrageous - just the basic stuff you might tell your own children if they'd been caught lying and cheating: be honest, be strong when it comes time to face up to your actions, learn from this, do better from this point forward for your loved ones and yourself.

Print it out and circle all of the statements I made about feeling bad about the other person.

Sure.

I don't care ALL THAT MUCH about the BS. I really don't.

If you're feeling conflicting emotions right now - like you sort of feel bad for the other BS but not enough to face up to what you did, then you're in a really familiar spot. My assumption is that at some point you'd like to move past this spot and end up in a place where you're happy and secure, and have empathy for others and care very much about hurt that you cause them, while also maintaining your own happiness and comfort. There's a way to feel both of those things - pain that you caused another person pain, but ultimately in a place where you can feel peace with yourself.

I understand if you're not in the right emotional place to post here at this point. But at least you can feel secure in the fact that people who have been posting here in Wayward for a while have developed pretty good boundaries and will be consistent in pointing others toward honesty and strength. You may not like it, but the message won't change. Honesty. Strength.

Also they won't delete your thread. There are a lot of people who have come here in a similar frame of mind and posted all of this and more during and after their affair. Read the archives a ways and you'll find a great variety, all still freely available.

[This message edited by circe at 10:38 PM, January 10th (Friday)]


Posts: 3183 | Registered: Mar 2005
Topic Posts: 31
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