My H had various 'encounters' with other women online in chat rooms, these don't bother me (well, they do but I have no need to see what they looked like or know them) her got friendly with one who used to go on her webcam and touch herself while he watched.
The night I found out, i messaged this woman and asked her what was going on with her and my husband.
It turns out (my H told me) that he lied to her too, told her he was 24 and was single, living a student life at Uni!
I know this woman's name, but that's all!
She was 44 years old, so actually thought she was stripping for a man 20 years younger!
When I messaged her, I told her he was married and 44 with children, asked her what had been going on (at the time of messaging her, I did not know she stripped as my H told me they were 'just friends')
When I tried to contact her the following morning after I found out about the tripping and cybesex, she had deleted her email address so I had no way of contacting her again. I tried contacting her email address via my other email account, thinking she may have blocked my H email, but no, she has deleted the whole thing.
This woman lived in NY - that's all I know! We live in the UK so I know they never met!
I have searched for her online but there are a number of women with the same name and its impossible to track her down.
She told my H what she did for a living (if it was true) and the woman I can find on the internet who does the same job (Real Estate) with the same name and he says that its most definitely is not the woman he was watching. (i can believe him as this woman looks respectably and a lot older than he said/she said she was/is)So I have a feeling she lied about her job/name ... how do I find out?
The OW he was having an online 'thing' with, he purchased a secret pay as you go mobile phone (so no phone records) to text and talk to her. This woman I didn't know about until last October 2013 when he admitted about her. She lived in the UK, but a plane ride or ferry away, so again no meeting. Again, I have searched online for this woman to no avail! She was 55, single and going thru a divorce! My H didn't lie to this one, told her all along he was married with kids. So she is the one that i'm really hung up on. This woman really bothers me.
My H told me he threw the phone and snapped the sim card Dec 2012. He didn't even tell this OW that he wouldn't be contacting her again. said he 'saw the light' sat in the car park after texting her and realised what he was doing, and threw it in the car park bin! So as far as she knows, he could be dead!!!! He doesn't remember her number, had typed it in the phone once to log it, and never looked at it, just dialled her name.
So ... I will NEVER ever find these women, or ever be able to see what they looked like, just have my H description of them!
I'm finding this extremely hard to deal with, is that normal? I just want to see what they look like ... I really feel that knowing that, will help me with my closure!
I believe my H when he says he doesn't remember her number, jezze he doesn't know my mobile and I have the same one since we got together 14 years ago lol!
I find myself some days, just typing in her name again and again to Google, but nothing new comes up, just the same crap I've scrutinised over a thousand times!
I hope you can start to let go. :)
However, if it was someone that I would be likely to run into, say in a small town or the like, I would INSIST on knowing because God forbid that I ever should run across "her" and have her try to get into one of my social circles.
My FWH actually gave away enough info on his profiles, etc., that if someone wanted to, they could have found him. And because that social outlet was one that we do together, me as well. In the first few months, that used to make me very paranoid, but I haven't thought about that for over a year now.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Its her that bugs me more than anything!!!
She wasn't a prostitute or a stripper, she is a normal 55 year old woman going thru a divorce! She used to bung all her problems onto my H and he would lap it up and try to help her.
I am originally from close to where she lives. The town is big enough right, but what happens if I go home for a holiday (as we sometimes do) and he see's her, or she see's him? He swears he only ever saw a pic of her, and she only ever saw a pic of him (from his Hotmail profile) so he would find it difficult to recognise her if she passed us on the street. BUT - last year (before I knew about her) we went home on holiday to see some of my family & friends, and while walking around the town, he has later admitted he was really frightened in case he saw her! She has the same accent as me, reminded my H of me in the earlier days when we first met. They talked about the place where she lived, the places in her town where H had been with me (altho he never told her I was from the same place) She assumed I was from here where hubby is (he is Irish) im not! He knows nothing personal about her, doesn't know exactly where she lives, doesn't remember her telephone number (which I believe) ive searched online on 192.com and found a number of people with the same name/initals ... I even rung one woman and she denied it only to have her husband come on the phone and tell me she was married etc ... that was in the very beginning and I was a little crazy to say the least.
Its not so bad now, I only think like this on bad days. I don't often get bad days much ... I need to try to learn to live with them. last night thoughts drifted to her and their phone conversations and text messages and I was imagining all sorts! I cried myself to sleep, in my husbands arms while he rocked me and told me how much he loves me!
Guess I need to let go ... Its been a year and 2 mths since I found out about the online women, and 3 mths since he admitted to 'her' ... guess its still early days!
Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.
So in the end .... I won! You lose! I guess that's what you get for messing about with a MARRIED man!!!
In all fairness, the woman who stripped for him on webcam, didn't know he was married, didn't know he was 45, thought he was 24 ffs .... so I cant really put any blame on her, it was all down to him!
But 'her' the bitch with the phone .... she knew, she knew good and well that he was a married man, and I would love to tell her one day what she did to me and my marriage!!!
Its just something I would like to do, hurt her as much as she hurt me!
[This message edited by Heartbroken2013 at 3:48 AM, January 11th (Saturday)]