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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Best Friend Had Affair
lilflower1000
♀ Member
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I knew it..
When my WS cheated she drove three hours to stay w/ me and help me deal with the pain. Stayed up all night tracking him for me, talked about how wrong it was, told me to leave him etc.. He came with her a couple times too. The both supported us in reconciliation and came to my aid again when I found out we were in false R.

Suddenly, she stopped returning my calls, texts, FB messages , and any other attempted contact. I had a feeling. Well it was confirmed. I contacted her husband and he made her call me. She told me everything. OM was sooo romantic.. She was swept off her feet. She was being neglected in the marriage.. No affection.. You all know the script.She says she's working on the marriage, but she is still in contact with OM.
They are coming to visit this weekend. I would like to speak to her husband.. Not sure if it's my place, but they both were there for me in my situation. Talked to me, sat with me, he even changed the locks for me lol..Just want to tell him the things that I have learned from my situation and from the folks here on SI. I have already told her she needs to be NO CONTACT , but according to her he is their attorney and they have some legal needs he is helping them with.. I have no idea how he could allow this and stick around.
Maybe I should just share the SI website with him.
I may not have to worry about it because my WS might get to them first.


lilflower1000
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
Dday:8/1/2012
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 309 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dang....sorry to read this post.

I understand what you are feeling. A close couple we know has experienced at least an EA by her husbands doing.

A are cheap.....dime a dozen.....if you read stats on this at all. 1 in 3 M have infidelity affect them.

Caution: opposite sex BS comfort in real life is dangerous. I think quick but shallow emotional bonding would stand a high chance if occurring.

I am really sorry to hear about this. Particularly shocking given the "intimate view" his wife has had of adultery. Reckon it was going on before your DD?

No matter. Not yours to figure out.

It is something..... How people choosing adultery think theirs is unique.....that their sitch is special....the one that is NOT written about over and over.


If course, upon my DD, I thought what I was feeling was unique too.


God help us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:41 PM, January 9th (Thursday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3666 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So she has to stay in contact with her OM because he is their attorney?!

Last time I looked..... They were almost as prevalent as lawyers.

Excuses and twisted realities...

Yes, some much of this this is so typical it's almost shocking how anyone profess's to have a "unique sitch".

Peace.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3666 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
lilflower1000
♀ Member
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, before this happened, I had no idea how predictable people are. It was amazing to me when I first came to SI, how I could give the veterans here a few details about what was going on w/ WS and they could tell me his next move and they were spot on EVERY time! Now that I've been here a while it is amazing to see other's post and how similar all of the situations are. I mean I am sure there are some differences, but in general almost all of the situations are eerily similar.


lilflower1000
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
Dday:8/1/2012
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 309 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey lil

I believe you should be there for your friends.

I would sit down with them both, tell them you know where they are, how they feel and ask how you can help.

I would let your friend know you intend on supporting her BS and I would do just that.

Caution: opposite sex BS comfort in real life is dangerous. I think quick but shallow emotional bonding would stand a high chance if occurring

I don't see this as an issue if you are both clear on boundaries. I have supported a male BS before, I would never take advantage of their pain.

I would also share SI with the BS first, let him know what it is and how it has helped you.

I don't think I would share my user name with him though, IMO that's too close for comfort

Ultimately you give what you can without having any negative impact on you.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 5

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