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Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife had an affair with a co-worker
♂ Member
Member # 42021
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, January 27th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to take a contrary view and opine you should not give anyone the video. If it surfaces because the OM put it out there, that was a risk she took. But if you give it to betrayed wife, and she sends it to you wife' employers, that is on you. Just because your wife has treated you like shit doesn't mean you can't still be a nice guy. Don't take revenge that way. Instead, live well!

Me 50 WW 40, 3PA, 1EA over single summer 7/13-9/13, DDay 10/13
M 9 years,together 12, in R mode

James Russell Lowell 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'

Posts: 134 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
♂ Member
Member # 36960
Default  Posted: 1:48 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey buddy I was just wondering how you're doing it's been a while since you posted please update let us know how you're doing

Posts: 58 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Valencia, CA 91355
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to move on and find someone to stand WITH in this life. Not, someone to take care of. Your posts come across as you being a FATHER to her.

She doesn't love you and said as much. She got married for herself. For the wedding itself. I know a women just like her. She is superficial and selfish. Regardless of her *&()$%up past. That is her shit to own and work out of. You are not going to KISA her out of it.

She doesn't want you to contact the other BS, either because she does care about the AP (not love but mutual respect as an equal in her career mind) or she is afraid of the other BS coming down hard on her.

Don't trust what the AP tells you about his marriage. He already told you that your WS lied to him. He is doing the same. Their marriage is fine. He wants to keep you under control. The likely hood that the A is still going on is extremely high. It has been going on for some time and it will take a long time for them to get the drug of each other out of their system.

Call the other BS

Me-BW 39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry...had a chance to read through the rest. Glad you took the step to contact the other BS.

Me-BW 39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
♂ New Member
Member # 41994
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys, thought I would check in. She contacted me on the 18th, and poured her heart and soul out. She wanted to talk to me, in person. Said I deserved answers, and she wanted to give them to me. So I let her.

She told me she was addicted to power. Like a drug. She was living in a bubble only she was allowed in, and didn't think through any of her actions. She broke everything. Her job, her work relationships, and her marriage. She said she would like to go to independent counseling, and marriage counseling eventually, if I was open to it. She has her second IC session tomorrow. I have been letting her stay in the guest room for the past two weeks. She says she hasn't been loving me the way I deserved for a while, and hasn't been loving herself. She doesn't feel she deserves love yet. And I agree with that.

We've been civil, and have had moments where we've laughed a lot together. However, the other man's wife contacted me this morning. Told me that my wife had reached out to her husband on the 17th, the day before she contacted me.

Said she wanted to talk to him for a couple minutes. He said no, that he had made promises to his wife to never speak to her again, and that he was working on his 15 year marriage, and was going to do anything she said to make it work. My wife said something to the effect "I can't believe you think so little of me that you won't give me two minutes". To which he replied it wasn't that, he had just made a promise to his wife, and him even responding to her now was breaking that promise. To please never contact him again. So my wife responded with he was a liar and deceitful, and she was "out".

My wife has been making huge progress. Going to therapy, gave me the passwords to all her accounts, and has been very open about everything. She turned in her resignation at work, and her last day will be the 14th. But now, this falls into my lap. But this time, it doesn't even hurt. I have been made to feel like I am the 2nd place prize. But it I am not crushed. I am just thinking of how to proceed, and how I approach her with this information tonight.

At this very moment, if I never saw her again, I would be OK with it. I am curious as to how she's going to react when I tell her this when I get home from work though.

Posts: 42 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United States
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry that the hits just keep coming.

Bottom line, is you do what is best for you at this point. It is about time that you put yourself first on your own priority list.

Your wife made this mess; she will have to find her way out of it. Just based on the new information you received today, she still hasn't *gotten* it yet.

2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D

Posts: 2072 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is just SO painful to hear that when you thought she had possibly come home to you to really work things out, you then find out that 1 day before she came to you to "talk" she was given 'another' boot by the OM with that "please don't call me again" phone call. Its hard not to feel like you are 2nd place after hearing that.

I won't tell you what to do, maybe she really hit her rock bottom, who knows? I guess only you can be the judge of that. It would make me very sad however if I just heard this as well.

Posts: 5673 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
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