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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Love and Exclusivity poll
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long is too long in a relationship to say love?

Who brings up exclusivity and if no one does - both are understood to be dating other people?


How long before exclusivity?

Interesting my friend and I had very different views. She thought that exclusivity could only be brought up by a man.


Posts: 872 | Registered: Jul 2012
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long is too long in a relationship to say love?

I think it's individual. However, if neither of you are feeling "in love" after a few months, I would think that maybe the chemistry just isn't there.

Who brings up exclusivity and if no one does - both are understood to be dating other people?

Do not assume exclusivity without a conversation about it. Period. Whoever wants exclusivity should bring it up. With my ex-boyfriend, I brought it up. We were having a sexual relationship and he wanted to stop using condoms. I told him this was an absolute no unless we were exclusive. That led to "the conversation."

How long before exclusivity?

Again, there's no magic formula. Again, I would say if both parties are not willing to be exclusive after a few months then it's not on the path to exclusivity.

Interesting my friend and I had very different views. She thought that exclusivity could only be brought up by a man.

Your friend is wrong.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:28 PM, January 10th (Friday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15249 | Registered: Jun 2006
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by risingfromashes at 8:37 PM, January 10th (Friday)]


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1587 | Registered: Mar 2004
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think SO brought up exclusivity first, and we definitely discussed it prior to having sex, because it was part of our STD tests results conversation. Whoever started the conversation, it ended with us agreeing that if we would be having sex together, we would be exclusive.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:23 AM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long is too long in a relationship to say love?

Totally situation specific. For me, it's usually around three months that I start considering it, and around six that I feel ready to say it. Very loosely.

Who brings up exclusivity and if no one does - both are understood to be dating other people?

Either of you can bring it up. Sometimes nosy friends or relatives bring it up.

But yes, I always assume unless the conversation has taken place, there is the distinct possibility that either person is seeing someone else. Personally, I end other things before even going into that conversation. In my experiences, the men I've dated have done the same, and we've already been on the same page by the time we have the conversation, but then, we've also danced around it before it "formally" came up.

How long before exclusivity?

Totally depends. Usually a month or so for me. I'm also of the mindset that I won't be intimate with someone until we're exclusive, so that can influence timing sometimes.

Interesting my friend and I had very different views. She thought that exclusivity could only be brought up by a man.

I don't agree with your friend, but if she's uncomfortable bringing it up, or is really into being pursued, she's certainly not obligated to bring it up in her relationships.

On the other hand, she's not really entitled to tell you how to run your relationships either.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13565 | Registered: Jul 2011
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:34 AM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally I like to wait for a few dates before I even consider talking about being exclusive. And as I don't like to share my sex partners I certainly would have to be exclusive before sex even started. As for the love part of it, you just have to wait that one out. When you feel it then you say it. But make sure its love not lust or infatuation. My problem is that I cant seem to find a person to love. And that's mainly my issue. I have had NP finding a willing sex partner in the past. But it never makes it to the love stage.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5567 | Registered: Nov 2007
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the insightful responses.

I suppose I wonder how you know. My ex loved me with all his heart and at the end of the day left and never looked back.

How do you know if even they know what exclusivity or love is?


Posts: 872 | Registered: Jul 2012
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you know if even they know what exclusivity or love is?

You figure it out by lots and lots of open and honest communication, which means sometimes you have to be the one to start the conversations with the potentially awkward, embarrassing topics.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Topic Posts: 8

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