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User Topic: My life feels like an episode of Jerry Springer
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like you have talked to your WH, iamsoblind. What did he have to say for himself? It sounds like he wants to separate, that he isn't even trying to reconcile or remorseful in the least.

I can hardly imagine how difficult that must have been for you to talk to your employee's and without breaking down. Be very proud of yourself that you were able to handle it professionally. I can't imagine how you worded it, though. Did you just say "Due to my husband's infidelity we are divorcing." Pretty gutsy on your part and I feel it was the right thing to do, too.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9539 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blind, you really don't want to fast forward to 5 years down the road.

The lessons you will learn, the distances you will travel learning what you are capable of really does make the journey worth it.

None of us wanted to be here, but we've traveled paths that have led us to amazing places within ourselves.

The journey IS worth it.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6518 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like you have talked to your WH, iamsoblind. What did he have to say for himself? It sounds like he wants to separate, that he isn't even trying to reconcile or remorseful in the least.

I limit our conversations strictly to things I have to discuss with him. Things like what time will he have my DD home and business questions that must be dealt with. Gross business income has to be reported by tomorrow and as the owner and Board of Directors I have had to ask a few questions there. We also chatted briefly on how to tell the employees. No, he has showed no remorse except for the day we told our DS and DD. He cried and said how he messed up and how he will take this guilt to the grave, blah, blah, blah. Since then nothing. In fact he texted me to ask me how it went with the employees today. I asked him if he was concerned how hard it was for me to tell them or if he was concerned about the employees. He replied "Everyone" but really he is just concerned how this has tarnished his reputation. I am tired of worrying about his feelings.

I am proud of how I handled it, thank you SisterMilkShake.

k9, I hear you. There is that great Garth Brooks song about "I could have missed the pain but then I would have to miss the dance." I understand that. I just want it all figured out. The limbo of EVERYTHING is what sucks. That is why my checklist is so helpful. I can't turn my brain off so making sure I have dotted all my I's and checked all my T's is what is really helping me right now. I just look forward to the day when I can take pleasure in the simple things again and not have a checklist to worry about.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 202 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are one heck of a survivor, I must say! My hat is off to you. I continue to be impressed by how directly you are attacking your check list. Your WH messed with the WRONG lady! What a fool he is. Obviously.

I'm giving you a standing ovation for handling things with the employees. That took guts.

I know it's hard to fathom how someone you loved and built a life with can do this and then be so unremorseful. Boggles the mind.

It is obvious that you can do so much better than him. For now, just be kind to yourself and love your kids. Life will get better. We promise!!!!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 656 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

iamsoblind

You are doing great. Push through it.

Amazing what you see when the blinders are finally off.

When the dust settles start a new checklist for yourself.

A. 42 years old.
B. Ceo/President/BOD/ Own my own f'ing business and successful
C. Two great kids.
D. Healthier than last year and getting back in tip top shape.
E. Survivor and ready to be a Conqueror

Keep adding to it as you see fit.

HM


Posts: 828 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still in Ireland . Priory 1 , check in with wife and kids. Priority 2 check on Blind . How you doing kiddo? You are only reason I'm here right now. I agree with StillStanding1. Plus you have complicated finance situation on the top of it .

I know you have been doing your best with it. Again, you are one strong lady. Sorry and apologies in advance for the name calling, but F HIM!!! Sounds like he had it all with you!!! What a dumb ass! Sorry again for the name calling.

How are you and your kids dong today ? Good that checklist working and you. Sounds like DD having most difficulty? What do kids know? Are you keeping engaged in addition to work bs you have had to deal sigh ?

Will try to check in sigh you tomorrow while changing countries. Keep strong Still.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1951 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yearsofpain25 - thanks so much. Really makes me feel special to have you check in. Seems like I have a small group of followers who really are interested in knowing what's going on and making sure I am still ok from day to day which is really helpful.

I can literally count on 1 hand the number of people that know and apparently word in my town is already out. Got a call from a friend today. Really am not ready to deal with the gossip mongers. Seriously, these people need a life! I had to tell my friend to please tell anyone that talks to her about it to shut their pie holes and try to remember there are kids involved. I understand it is a juicy story but if they truly care about me and value my friendship they will SHUT UP!!! Apparently asking my trainer to stop working out with my XBF was a really bad idea.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 202 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, January 20th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I know exactly how this feels. The genie was out of the bottle before I told a soul. I'm a very private person and I HATED (still do) being the subject of gossip. It sucks.

And even the people who care about you can't stop themselves from telling other people about your story "because they're so sorry for you". Gee, thanks. Then having even more people gossiping will certainly help. NOT.

But you are strong. You've shown it. You will survive. And you are absolutely 100% right. There are kids involved and people should really think before they talk.

This is hard enough with everything else already. You didn't need this on top of it. So very sorry.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 656 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks stillstanding. I guess it's just one more hurdle... Knew I would eventually have to face but was really hoping it would be way down the road. At least I know exactly who is to blame for the leak and have added him to list of do not trust. Sadly my list of who I can trust is now very small...me!

Went and met with my WH face to face tonight to agree on custody, visitation, child support and the business. Will draw up all legal forms and get them entered as temporary decree ASAP. Meeting went well. WH mentioned he got a call today from a gossip monger that asked if it was true. He told me that he told him it was. Obviously can't trust he told him but if he admitted it perhaps he is coming out of his fog.

Gonna try to go back to 2 sleeping pills tonight. Wish me luck and may I wish us all sweet dreams.

I have a Dr. Appt tomorrow for surgery follow up and will also get my STD results., ok maybe I should stick to 4 sleeping pills.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 202 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did you just make a small joke???????

snork...........


Personal Trainers rank up there with beauticians when it comes to gossip. I wouldn't have said anything to him in the first place. She's HIS client and that means money.

Good to see you are starting to get sarcastic and funny. That's a good thing.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6518 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh wow. I can't believe how quickly this has all gone for you. DDay to LS in 5 days. I really hope you got some sleep last night. I'm amazed that you've been able to keep up this pace. Obviously, worried too. You could really use a weekend away to digest all of this. I hope your doctor appt goes well and only good news on the STD front. No more new surprises!

I so wish you had a trustworthy friend to lean on right now. You need a real hug. Hug those kids. I hope they are treating you with extra compassion. You need and deserve it.

((((iamsoblind))))

ETA - PS: Does your WH seem to feel like a complete a$$ about all this? Is he showing any remorse or, at the very least, shame? I can't really ascertain it from your posts. --Oops. sorry. Reread above and see you said he only had one initial breakdown. It's hard to fathom. Scary, actually. So sorry, blind.

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 9:54 AM, January 21st (Tuesday)]


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 656 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish you and kiddos could take a nice road trip to a warm pretty beach and relax /enjoy each other's company :-)


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1169 | Registered: Nov 2011
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, Blind, you should know that there are others out here following your story. Sorry I haven't posted, but you've been doing so well! You really are AWESOME. And remember -- all of that gossip? It makes your WH, your XBF and her DH the butt of jokes, not you. I think most people hearing this story will think it's totally gross and be totally on your side -- especially given your swift and decisive actions in tossing the bastard out. Everyone would like to think they'd be this strong in your circumstances. Given that you clearly have a sense of humor, you might want to think of a good one-liner to respond to people with.... I'm sure the folks on here would be happy to help!

Remember, there are plenty of lurkers who are on your side, too!


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1055 | Registered: Aug 2012
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Greeting from cold and rainy Burton upon Trent UK! Onto priority 2 checking on you. How was your day today? Reading back through the posts I couldn't agree with Blobette more. None of this is a reflection on you and if anything makes them look horrible. If you're as smart as I know you are, you already probably know that. That's only part of it? It's the privacy thing that's the real issue right? I hate it when people talk about me or if I'm the center of attention. I already can't believe what I have posted on this site and desperately want to hide from it. If it was for my W kicking me in the pants, I probably wouldn't be here. I'll be honest. I'm still afraid of being rejected here even after the messages I received. Unfortunately there's not much you can do about other people talking about you. Just know that I think most of the people here can empathize with you on this one.

Also, thought I would share this. Spent an amazing evening with this traditional British couple who are in their mid 70s. They shared bits and pieces of their 53 years together and the trials that they overcame in their marriage. My colleagues and I were enthralled with them. The message I got was that regardless of what happens in live and in marriage, that there is hope for all of us. Don't want to get to preachy. But if they come overcome the adversity in their lives, so can you and all of us. I love talking with our elders. We can learn so much from them.

How did today go Blind? Was it good, bad, indifferent, or all 3? How are you?

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1951 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you are a super strong woman, as you had to be, to be this successful in business.

I admire you, and loved that you had a checklist, and followed through with it. I wish I and probably a lot of us here, that we took this swift action so quickly - so that you get to a healing place much quicker.

I do worry that once that checklist is taken care of, that it will truly hit you. And you'll crash emotionally. And if that ever happens, hopefully not, we'll be right here to encourage you and lift your spirits.

I also suggest going to down to the Divorce/Separation forum - I can attest that there people there with a great sense of humor... This stuff that these WS come up with, you just can't make it up. Funny shit!!


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 468 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish you and kiddos could take a nice road trip to a warm pretty beach and relax /enjoy each other's company :-)

Your wish has been granted. We actually have a trip planned to Orlando this weekend. Whole family was supposed to go as my WH has business there. We are now on separate flights, separate dates and separate hotels. Looking forward to a few fun days with my kids.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 202 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been following and checking in on you, too. Glad you have a good weekend planned.

You are amazingly strong.


Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1456 | Registered: Nov 2010
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Success story: I had an interview tonight and had to sit at a table with 11 people firing questions at me and I think I did really well. I can't believe with everything going on in my life right now I was able to do so well. Whether or not I get it, I am super proud of myself. It was scheduled before my dDay and I thought about backing out many times but did not want my WH to take anything more from me that I really wanted. The interview was not for a job but for a very important role in my community. Wish me luck!


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 202 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! Congratulations!!!! You continue to amaze me.

I am so very happy that you will be able to get away this weekend. Disney vacation? Check! I hope you can slow down enough to breathe again. This is a marathon, not a sprint. You need to recharge your batteries !!! You deserve it. You've earned it. Please have a wonderful time!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 656 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You literally take my breath away, iamsoblind. For you to do all that you have done in a little over a week truly is amazing. Congratulations for just being considered for the important role in your community and for giving a great interview! Incredible.

I do want to warn you, though, I believe you are in the shock/denial stage. Most likely the full impact hasn't hit you yet. Maybe it has, but I am thinking it hasn't. It takes awhile for us to process this shit. Be prepared for, as jackie says, a big emotional crash. It happened to me and to many others. It helps to be aware that this may happen, imo.

Hope this weekend will be a reprieve for you and that you are able to enjoy "The Happiest Place on Earth" with your dear children.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9539 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
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