I can hardly imagine how difficult that must have been for you to talk to your employee's and without breaking down. Be very proud of yourself that you were able to handle it professionally. I can't imagine how you worded it, though. Did you just say "Due to my husband's infidelity we are divorcing." Pretty gutsy on your part and I feel it was the right thing to do, too.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
The lessons you will learn, the distances you will travel learning what you are capable of really does make the journey worth it.
None of us wanted to be here, but we've traveled paths that have led us to amazing places within ourselves.
The journey IS worth it.
It sounds like you have talked to your WH, iamsoblind. What did he have to say for himself? It sounds like he wants to separate, that he isn't even trying to reconcile or remorseful in the least.
I limit our conversations strictly to things I have to discuss with him. Things like what time will he have my DD home and business questions that must be dealt with. Gross business income has to be reported by tomorrow and as the owner and Board of Directors I have had to ask a few questions there. We also chatted briefly on how to tell the employees. No, he has showed no remorse except for the day we told our DS and DD. He cried and said how he messed up and how he will take this guilt to the grave, blah, blah, blah. Since then nothing. In fact he texted me to ask me how it went with the employees today. I asked him if he was concerned how hard it was for me to tell them or if he was concerned about the employees. He replied "Everyone" but really he is just concerned how this has tarnished his reputation. I am tired of worrying about his feelings.
I am proud of how I handled it, thank you SisterMilkShake.
k9, I hear you. There is that great Garth Brooks song about "I could have missed the pain but then I would have to miss the dance." I understand that. I just want it all figured out. The limbo of EVERYTHING is what sucks. That is why my checklist is so helpful. I can't turn my brain off so making sure I have dotted all my I's and checked all my T's is what is really helping me right now. I just look forward to the day when I can take pleasure in the simple things again and not have a checklist to worry about.
BS: me 42
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched
I'm giving you a standing ovation for handling things with the employees. That took guts.
I know it's hard to fathom how someone you loved and built a life with can do this and then be so unremorseful. Boggles the mind.
It is obvious that you can do so much better than him. For now, just be kind to yourself and love your kids. Life will get better. We promise!!!!
You are doing great. Push through it.
Amazing what you see when the blinders are finally off.
When the dust settles start a new checklist for yourself.
A. 42 years old.
B. Ceo/President/BOD/ Own my own f'ing business and successful
C. Two great kids.
D. Healthier than last year and getting back in tip top shape.
E. Survivor and ready to be a Conqueror
Keep adding to it as you see fit.
I know you have been doing your best with it. Again, you are one strong lady. Sorry and apologies in advance for the name calling, but F HIM!!! Sounds like he had it all with you!!! What a dumb ass! Sorry again for the name calling.
How are you and your kids dong today ? Good that checklist working and you. Sounds like DD having most difficulty? What do kids know? Are you keeping engaged in addition to work bs you have had to deal sigh ?
Will try to check in sigh you tomorrow while changing countries. Keep strong Still.
I can literally count on 1 hand the number of people that know and apparently word in my town is already out. Got a call from a friend today. Really am not ready to deal with the gossip mongers. Seriously, these people need a life! I had to tell my friend to please tell anyone that talks to her about it to shut their pie holes and try to remember there are kids involved. I understand it is a juicy story but if they truly care about me and value my friendship they will SHUT UP!!! Apparently asking my trainer to stop working out with my XBF was a really bad idea.
And even the people who care about you can't stop themselves from telling other people about your story "because they're so sorry for you". Gee, thanks. Then having even more people gossiping will certainly help. NOT.
But you are strong. You've shown it. You will survive. And you are absolutely 100% right. There are kids involved and people should really think before they talk.
This is hard enough with everything else already. You didn't need this on top of it. So very sorry.
Went and met with my WH face to face tonight to agree on custody, visitation, child support and the business. Will draw up all legal forms and get them entered as temporary decree ASAP. Meeting went well. WH mentioned he got a call today from a gossip monger that asked if it was true. He told me that he told him it was. Obviously can't trust he told him but if he admitted it perhaps he is coming out of his fog.
Gonna try to go back to 2 sleeping pills tonight. Wish me luck and may I wish us all sweet dreams.
I have a Dr. Appt tomorrow for surgery follow up and will also get my STD results., ok maybe I should stick to 4 sleeping pills.
Personal Trainers rank up there with beauticians when it comes to gossip. I wouldn't have said anything to him in the first place. She's HIS client and that means money.
Good to see you are starting to get sarcastic and funny. That's a good thing.
I so wish you had a trustworthy friend to lean on right now. You need a real hug. Hug those kids. I hope they are treating you with extra compassion. You need and deserve it.
ETA - PS: Does your WH seem to feel like a complete a$$ about all this? Is he showing any remorse or, at the very least, shame? I can't really ascertain it from your posts. --Oops. sorry. Reread above and see you said he only had one initial breakdown. It's hard to fathom. Scary, actually. So sorry, blind.
[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 9:54 AM, January 21st (Tuesday)]
Remember, there are plenty of lurkers who are on your side, too!
Also, thought I would share this. Spent an amazing evening with this traditional British couple who are in their mid 70s. They shared bits and pieces of their 53 years together and the trials that they overcame in their marriage. My colleagues and I were enthralled with them. The message I got was that regardless of what happens in live and in marriage, that there is hope for all of us. Don't want to get to preachy. But if they come overcome the adversity in their lives, so can you and all of us. I love talking with our elders. We can learn so much from them.
How did today go Blind? Was it good, bad, indifferent, or all 3? How are you?
I admire you, and loved that you had a checklist, and followed through with it. I wish I and probably a lot of us here, that we took this swift action so quickly - so that you get to a healing place much quicker.
I do worry that once that checklist is taken care of, that it will truly hit you. And you'll crash emotionally. And if that ever happens, hopefully not, we'll be right here to encourage you and lift your spirits.
I also suggest going to down to the Divorce/Separation forum - I can attest that there people there with a great sense of humor... This stuff that these WS come up with, you just can't make it up. Funny shit!!
I wish you and kiddos could take a nice road trip to a warm pretty beach and relax /enjoy each other's company :-)
Your wish has been granted. We actually have a trip planned to Orlando this weekend. Whole family was supposed to go as my WH has business there. We are now on separate flights, separate dates and separate hotels. Looking forward to a few fun days with my kids.
You are amazingly strong.
I am so very happy that you will be able to get away this weekend. Disney vacation? Check! I hope you can slow down enough to breathe again. This is a marathon, not a sprint. You need to recharge your batteries !!! You deserve it. You've earned it. Please have a wonderful time!
I do want to warn you, though, I believe you are in the shock/denial stage. Most likely the full impact hasn't hit you yet. Maybe it has, but I am thinking it hasn't. It takes awhile for us to process this shit. Be prepared for, as jackie says, a big emotional crash. It happened to me and to many others. It helps to be aware that this may happen, imo.
Hope this weekend will be a reprieve for you and that you are able to enjoy "The Happiest Place on Earth" with your dear children.