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User Topic: My life feels like an episode of Jerry Springer
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I posted on page 6 or 7 also warning you that things may hit you (emotionally) all at once when life gets quieter ..As long as you have good IRL friends and family who are involved with you on a daily/weekly basis for distraction, support, fun, this support will be better than any medicine to avert a prolonged depression and will help healing as much as having a good therapist ..

[This message edited by doggiediva at 10:53 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1342 | Registered: Nov 2011
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys. I too worry I am going to emotionally crash. I had a nervous breakdown 20 years ago when my Ex Fiancee left me for his Ex Girlfriend that worked at Hooters. As much as it hurt, and it took me years to get over, what hurt worse was knowing he not only broke my heart but took my pride. I vowed that would NEVER happen again.

As much as it might seem that I am doing great, I know I will have to deal with with the pain again sooner or later but for now have buried it. I mean, I still know I am a mess on the inside but on the outside, unless you knew me REALLY well I don't think anyone will know.

There are certain things that make me know it's still really raw... I'll go to the store and forget why I went there. Have not been able to make a family dinner since DDay. We eat out every night as I think sitting around a family table might break me. I avoid social situations where I know people will ask where my WH is etc.

Tomorrow WH and I are meeting for mediation. I just want all this settled. My blood pressure was off the charts when I went to the doctor yesterday. I normally have very low blood pressure. Just coming off a near-death experience last month I know for my health I have got to get my anxiety under control and I think once we have all the paperwork settled I will be able to breathe better and sleep more. It will not even have been 2 weeks since DDay tomorrow but for my health and sanity I have to keep moving fast.

I know many of you think I am going to crash and burn soon but lets think positive. Maybe I can be an anomaly that can get through this with minimal scars. Thanks for your continued support.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 210 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
Unreality
♀ New Member
Member # 41696
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blind:

First, let me say that although I have never met you, I am so proud of you! You are a very strong woman and you are doing everything that you can do at this point. Sometimes we can only take care of the present and take care of the future when it comes. It sounds like from previous experience you are aware of the warning signs of crashing. Keep good thoughts, keep your closest family and friends on speed dial, and make sure your internet connect is always working so we can support you. As much as you have done, unfortunately it's not over yet, and you know you'll have some tough days ahead. After those, however, you'll have some GREAT days, so keep that in mind.

Wishing you all good things!


Posts: 24 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: US
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello from cold and rainy London. Glad to hear you are still dong well. Was happy to hear about your plans for your trip to Disney. Should be really good for you and your kids to get away and spend time with each other. That will help all of you more than you know.

Great that you could get up in front of a firing squad in an interview. Impressive.

Yeah, like others suggested this may hit you like a freight train later, but just know that IF it does, there are a group of friends here to pick you up.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2349 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
mof2
♀ Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have seen so many posts on this site and I keep looking back at this one and I will tell you flat out...GET RID OF HIM!!! You don't deserve this!


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
megs56
♀ Member
Member # 40791
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't posted on your thread yet, but I have been following it. Please know that there are a lot more people than just the people who post on your thread who care about you and are pulling for you.

I really admire your strength.

(((iamsoblind42))) I'll be thinking about you. Take care.


Me: BGF - 29
Him: WBF - 32

I broke up with him and now I am trying to heal.

Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.


Posts: 118 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Sacramento, Ca
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A true friend picks up the phone and calls you if they are truly concerned, they do not gossip behind your back. My DS told me tonight that he thinks he has put the dots together. I told him he really does not want to know but if he has questions he should ask his Dad. Really looking forward to getting out of dodge for a few days but also have anxiety knowing it will bring up good memories from when we were last there as a family of 4 instead of 3.

Really starting to think my WH did this horrible last act knowing I could never forgive him so was his way out of the M. He now seems to have a lot of remorse over the loss of the "family" but not for the loss of me. I truly think he is relieved. Good news is we are now amicably moving forward to legally separate.

Have you ever seen the movie Crazy, Stupid Love? If you haven't, it's a great movie. I would like to have someone in my life willing to fight for me.

Feeling alone again today but no tears.

[This message edited by iamsoblind42 at 12:31 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)]


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 210 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, this is pretty outrageous even by SI standards.

How could you have him back in your life after witnessing that? The OW/OM are nuts as well obviously. What the hell is wrong with people?

You are going to need some first class counseling to help you through this. It has only been a couple of weeks since D-Day by the looks of it and you probably even had time to breathe.

You've had lot of good advice from SI posters. The road to recovery may seem overwhelming at present but remember.....a journey of 1000 miles has to start with one small step.

I remember how I felt for the first weeks after discovering my now ex-WH had been screwing my "dearest friend" and next door neighbor for 5 years. Devastated doesn't even begin to describe it. At least my idiot ex-H spared me a personal cabaret performance which is more than I can say for your WH. You may be right in your assumption that your WH's performance was calculated as an excuse to exit your marriage. Whatever the reason, he needs serious help.

Keep posting on SI, you will be supported here no matter what.

Hugs to you


EJ

[This message edited by Ellejay at 5:51 AM, January 23rd (Thursday)]


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1096 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really starting to think my WH did this horrible last act knowing I could never forgive him so was his way out of the M.
This was a thought that has been niggling at the back of my thoughts as well, imasoblind, in regards to your WH. Really, if he wanted out it would have been so much better to end it like a person with integrity instead of being such a cruel, weak coward. (((iamsoblind)))

Just my opinion, but I feel you should be open to answering your DS's questions.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ive not commented on your topic, im going through so much stuff myself that i cant offer any advice or constructive thoughts to myself, much less anyone else.

however, i have been following yours. even though i dont post on it ... i am still pulling for you!


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 582 | Registered: Jan 2014
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh no...I fell to the 2nd page. Guess I am old news now which I am starting to feel as well.

Went to mediation today and when I got there lawyer said he could not talk to both of us. Our legal system really needs an overhaul.

In any case...we are going to proceed with filing the state forms jointly. If he decides to retain a lawyer I can always pony up later.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 210 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night in cold, no longer rainy, London.

Good to see you keep moving forward Blind. How are the kids doing?

I'll check back in when back in the States. Don't stop moving forward.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2349 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll never stop moving forward. Will try to officially submit all other separation documents tomorrow but bad news is if my WH decides to change his mind on our property and/or parenting agreements before April 21 I will again be screwed over. Obviously very hard to trust him at this point but I have no other choice. Our state laws will screw me over. His agreement to the terms is my only hope.

WH is moving into our rental house tomorrow. I think kids will be better once he has a permanent residence where they can visit him. He mentioned today something about only planning to live there for a few years which is odd. We were discussing how he will have to refinance it since my name is the only one on the current mortgage. Interesting to know he has his future planned out while I can literally not see past what I have to do tomorrow to survive this.

Good news is... I slept a solid 7 hours last night, hurray!


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 210 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heading to Orlando in a few hours so may be off-life for a few days. Thanks everyone for being there when I need you!


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 210 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have a good trip. If at all possible, try to leave everything behind and take a few days to pamper yourself. You deserve it!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5090 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have an awesome trip and take lots of pics..Have somebody get some shots of you and your two kiddo's together :-)

[This message edited by doggiediva at 8:43 PM, January 24th (Friday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1342 | Registered: Nov 2011
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Back home myself. When you get back, let us know how it went and how you are feeling. Hope you guys have a blast!


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2349 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
totallyconfused1
♀ Member
Member # 42030
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, January 25th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been reading your story. Sorry you are going through this double betrayal.

Hope you have a great trip. Funny, one of the first thing I thought about when I found out about my ws was that I guess I wouldn't have to save as much for our next Disney trip if only 3 of us go LOL. I really resent that I'm hanging out on this board now instead of the disboards!


Me - BS
Him - WS
DD Jan 8 2014

Posts: 83 | Registered: Jan 2014
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, January 26th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping up this thread for HurtHarlequin


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2349 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ISB42, hope you had a lovely trip with your kids and could escape for a while the insanity of your life.

I wanted to comment on your concerns about repeating your breakdown from 20 years ago. I also had a major depressive episode 20 years ago (before STBXH) and dreaded it ever happening again. However, I have found that the coping skills I learned then have helped me immensely in dealing with my own double betrayal. Having been through a breakdown once, I could recognize the signs of another one coming and seek out the professional help I needed. Also, having been through that black despair and recovered, I know for a fact that it will get better.

You know it as well, because you recovered from your ex-fiance leaving you. While this is an order of magnitude above that betrayal, you are also a stronger person than you were then. You have your kids who love and need you. Mine are a huge source of strength for me, and I suspect yours are for you as well.

You will build a lovely future for them and yourself out of the chaos your WH has created. It just takes a lot of time. I'm six months out, and there are still ups and downs. But there are a lot more ups than downs, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have seen positive growth in my kids and I feel closer to them than ever before.

Good luck, and keep posting. It really helps to know that you are not alone.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1952 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
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