D-Day, June 10, 2012
Just keep swimming...just keep swimming...
BS: me 42
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched
As the days/weeks/months continue to pass, you'll be able to distinguish the gossipers from the carers. And, really, who cares about the negative folks? You don't need them any more than you need your WH. You are ridding yourself of baggage in all shapes and sizes and colors. I've been reading your posts, following your story, and am continually amazed and impressed at your grace and dignity and strength in this time of crisis. As painful as it is to be the subject of so much salacious whispering, something juicier, something newer will soon come along to displace you. This whole affair and everything feeding it will fade into the distance soon enough while your future SHINES!!! It's definitely not Plan A, but in it, you never have to be second choice again.
Hugs! You are one of my heroes!
your posts actually provide some inspiration to me ... i can see you healing and it gives me hope for myself.
from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA
??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys
40 more days until my separation is final.
I do feel that my minute by minute day by day is now week by week.
My first week at my new job went really well. It is a 3-6 month contract. I told my STBXH that he should look for a new job. Just makes sense that he should not work for my company. It has not been as financially successful under his reign of 8 months and it would just make it easier if we could limit communication to issues with our kids. Good news is, he agreed without argument so he will start looking for something new and I can eventually roll back to my company.
Bought a new car. My STBXH "bought" me a BMW when I turned 40. I ended up paying it off so never really felt like a gift anyway and is nice to have a fresh new vehicle that does not remind me of him. When I think back of all the things he "bought" me over the years and all those things I really ended up paying for I am a little shocked on how long I let the charade go on. I guess it was easier to let my friends think he was a great guy. In hindsight was not a smart idea because now when people hear we are splitting they are shocked because "he was such a great guy". Well, not really.
Kids are doing better. Had a parent/teacher conference last night and my DD's teacher said my DD actually seems happier than she has been all school year.
Man, I should have pulled this plug years ago then I would not have to have seen what I saw. The visuals are still hard to deal with.
If I could give any advice to anyone out there on the fence about what to do... don't assume staying together is best for the kids and YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND LOVED.
I've decided this song and the way it is performed is my new motto...
Let it Go! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17QQcK4l6Yw
So glad to hear your DD is doing well. How about your son? This is his BF's parents involved, right? I would think this is still a struggle for him. Peace to all of you.
Keep letting us know how you are doing!
Major News Alert!!!
Told my STBXH that I want to convert our Legal Separation to a full divorce so that on April 21st at 10 AM MST we can be truly done with this marriage. My actual words were, "Why don't we just convert this now. I don't see anything changing do you?" His response... "No, I guess not." 18 years of marriage, 2 kids and all the SH** he put me through and that's how it ends...
Part of me is happy he has never even tried to save this marriage but the other part is really sad to think I am simply not worth fighting for.
I swear if I EVER GET MARRIED AGAIN, I will have no doubts as I did on my wedding day back in 1996. If I ever say "I Do" again I will run down the aisle because I want to be with him so badly. I want that kind of love. As burned as I have been I still think it exists and everyone deserves someone that will fight for them.
I get it blind. Your heart is really broken and wounded. Your heart wants some sort of restitution. Anything. But listen to your head with the type of people you are dealing with here. I won't go back to name calling but saying they are very low characters is an understatement and they know it. They are cowards in the truest sense of the word.
Keep the attitude that they are dead to you. All 3. Your husband unfortunately you have to deal with which SUCKS!! If they have ANY sense of goodness, not sure they do, the silence from you is deafening and probably makes them cower even more rather than beg for your forgiveness. If your xBF valued your relationship at all on any level hopefully she feels worse than dogshit and your silence compounds that. Your AssH on the other hand doesn't have any regards for you or he wouldn't have done what he did. So fuck him! Repeat that last sentence as many times as you wish.
Time will eventually heal your heart. You have been so strong with what you have been doing in your life post DDay. Remember that if they were begging for your mercy it wouldn't make you feel any better. Wait. I take that back. It would only make you feel better in the short term. Not the long term.
Keep taking care of yourself blind and remember...
ETA - spelling corrections
[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 1:52 PM, March 14th (Friday)]
Had to go to court ordered parenting class yesterday. It is one of the requirements for getting a divorce in Colorado. Is ridiculous! You don't have to go to a class to have a baby but you have to go to one to get divorced. One of the exercises they made us do is say something nice about your stbx.... "ummmm, he's tall". Is very hard to say anything nice right now. I guess it was a better answer than the lady next to me. "He has a nice truck, maybe it will roll over him."
Tonight I wanted to go to a charity dinner to raise money for a local woman that has been quite sick and is a truly lovely person. Found out my XBF and her A$$H were going to be there so could not do it. My heart starts to race just thinking of having to see them. I wish people in the community that obviously know would tell them they know and how disgusted they are. It pisses me off that they just go on with their lives as if nothing happened. I have vivid dreams about beating the crap out of both of them so I know it would not be healthy to be in the same room with them. I am also fighting the urge to hang a huge sign on their garage door listing what they did for all to see. Really wish I could move away but I can't do that to my kids.
I know it will get easier one day, truly I do but right now this just sucks!
[This message edited by iamsoblind42 at 9:55 PM, March 16th (Sunday)]
"ummmm, he's tall"
Good one of your own there blind.
Those "friends" of yours...sheesh. Ever think about writing an FU message and NOT sending it to them? Maybe get some things off your chest? Either read the letter out loud and IC, or burn the letter afterwards? Keep up the NC with them.
You are so strong blind you continue to amaze me. I'm going to draw from your strength today. I could use a shot of it myself.
Did not go to my son's championship basketball game last night for fear of running into XBF and her AssH as their son plays on the same team. Hate that I missed it but get physical anxiety thinking about running into them. I vow though it will be the last event I want to go to that I miss.
Told WH today about the anxiety and he said that he talked with them briefly and they have invited him to play tennis. WTF!!!!! He said "he's just not there yet, maybe one day". WTF!!!! I will NEVER be there. I WILL NEVER be able to even look at them again. Play tennis? You have got to be f***ing kidding me? Maybe afterwards they can go back to his house for another tryst!
I vow though it will be the last event I want to go to that I miss.
Good for you. Once you do it; it gets easier. Three years after DD, my friend and I took her elderly Aunt to a fashion show fundraiser. Someone else took Auntie to our table while my friend and I picked up drinks. By the time we got to our table, two seats were left. One right beside the whore. I thought my friend was going to pass out. I said, you must sit beside her. She did. My friend was so pissed because whore kept looking at me. Whore asked my friend a question and my friend never looked at her but just gave a short answer. Right before the fashion show was to begin, Whore and her friend left! I had decided that the building could burn down but I was not leaving!
I am not the one that fucked up. I did not sleep with a married man and pretend to be a good catholic girl. I did not blow my daughter off to sneak around this shitty little town with my lover. Fuck her; fuck them. You go to the next game. You bring a friend with you that knows what has happened that can keep you grounded. My little whore is a coward; she won't speak or even look at me. She sneaks looks. She does not have the balls to attempt a conversation. I am not sure about your "whores". I think you need a plan in the event they try to nice you back in. Probably saying "fuck off" at a kids basketball game is not the best way to go.
I am almost at 5 years past DD. I just saw her in the post office on Tuesday. I don't like it, but I deal with it. I look right at her; I am no coward.
Tonight there is a party at our club for our eighty year old chef. I love her. I need to take our daughter to a party first, but will meet my husband there. Even though the whore is not a member of the club nor has she ever been, she tends to show up. I just hope my hair looks good!
I am in a similar situation, except WH coaches T-ball and OW's daughter is on the same team, so I have to see her at practice and at the games. It is HARD, but I will not allow them to make me feel like I can not go to the games. I am there to support my daughter. At one point after WH admitted having "feelings" for OW in early January he told me "if I were you, I would not go to the T-ball games"....Ok so that made me want to go even more to show them I am strong and not a coward. OW has balls to leave her daughter on the team, but what else do I expect with people who have no morals and feel like they did nothing wrong.
You can't rationalize irrational behavior.