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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My life feels like an episode of Jerry Springer
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Greetings from Hartford, CT. You seem to be catching me in my travels. I wish I could change the channel on this Springer episode already. Have you discussed this anxiety at all regarding xfriends in IC? I like the attitude of not missing any more. Have to run but will check back later. yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2100 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
freeatlast72
♀ Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like the attitude of not missing any more.

You can do it!!


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This whore and your POS STBXWH have taken enough from you. Please. Do not let them take your joy, your watching of your children's exploits, your support of your friends and neighbors. That's letting them WIN! When good people allow the dregs of the earth to drive them out of public life, then all that's left is a bunch of slimy, oozing slugs, blowing their foul-smelling mucus all over everyone else.

Wish I was near you sistah. I'd go with you to those games! Is there a friend/family member that you could buddy-up with?


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4805 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I mentioned my guilt over missing the game to a couple of friends and they have vowed to not let me miss another one. Said they would go with me and bring a handbag with a brick to hit them with if needed.

You do find out who your real friends are in a situation like this and the ones I thought were good friends, not so much. They seemed to get more pleasure out of the gossip than really helping me. People I considered more of acquaintances have really been there for me.

As much as I miss my "old life" sometimes, I am really happy to have found these new friends that seem to be much truer friends than I have ever had.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 207 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like your new friends. Sounds like they are a good group of peeps.

That's been my experience too. During the tragedies in my life I learned who my real friends were/are. The one's that I thought were my closest friends weren't. The one's I became closer to picked me in a sense. The people that became my inner circle were the one's that showed up with actions. Like when they would show up at my house "and bring a handbag with a brick to hit them with if needed."

People that want to be your friend, want to protect you, want to help you...THAT shows character.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2100 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
dailyflowers
♀ Member
Member # 34210
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I vow though it will be the last event I want to go to that I miss.
Good for you. Once you do it; it gets easier. Three years after DD, my friend and I took her elderly Aunt to a fashion show fundraiser. Someone else took Auntie to our table while my friend and I picked up drinks. By the time we got to our table, two seats were left. One right beside the whore. I thought my friend was going to pass out. I said, you must sit beside her. She did. My friend was so pissed because whore kept looking at me. Whore asked my friend a question and my friend never looked at her but just gave a short answer. Right before the fashion show was to begin, Whore and her friend left! I had decided that the building could burn down but I was not leaving!

I am not the one that fucked up. I did not sleep with a married man and pretend to be a good catholic girl. I did not blow my daughter off to sneak around this shitty little town with my lover. Fuck her; fuck them. You go to the next game. You bring a friend with you that knows what has happened that can keep you grounded. My little whore is a coward; she won't speak or even look at me. She sneaks looks. She does not have the balls to attempt a conversation. I am not sure about your "whores". I think you need a plan in the event they try to nice you back in. Probably saying "fuck off" at a kids basketball game is not the best way to go.

I am almost at 5 years past DD. I just saw her in the post office on Tuesday. I don't like it, but I deal with it. I look right at her; I am no coward.

Tonight there is a party at our club for our eighty year old chef. I love her. I need to take our daughter to a party first, but will meet my husband there. Even though the whore is not a member of the club nor has she ever been, she tends to show up. I just hope my hair looks good!

^^^^^THIS!!! Blind, print this out and put it on your mirror!!! put your shoulders back, stride in there and own that event!!!

I would stare them down with looks to kill.

in your mind picture this whole SI community cheering you on and chanting "GO BLIND" "GO BLIND"!!!

once you get your game on, I'm willing to bet you'll see them start to miss games and such.

(HUGS) and GO BLIND!!!!


eesh-- what an 'effing mess!!!

Posts: 502 | Registered: Dec 2011
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. There are still 16 days for D to be final, ugh! Any suggestions for what to do on the day? I won't have my kids back until 7PM as it was his week.

Last night went to a big community. It was a fundraiser for local high school where my DS goes. At one point I really thought about grabbing the microphone to let the last few people in the room that did not know my business in on the juicy gossip. Was so frustrating...

I either got....

1) Where's your H?
A) We are getting a D. He and my BF decided to have a fling while her H watched. (I also called them out by name)

2) I am so sorry... I heard you and your H were getting a D. (this from so-called friends)
A) Thanks so much for calling to see if I was ok. Really appreciate it. Walk away...

3) My favorite... play dumb but look at you with pathetic feel sorry for you eyes.
A) It's obvious you know. If you want more details just ask.

The part that angered me the most as I would ask these people who told them and I would get "oh, I don't want to say." I think I deserve to know who is stabbing me in the back!!! If you are so concerned over how the other person will react when they get called out for the gossiping they should have thought of that before they did it.

It is so true that after going through something really painful... look around... those that are still standing next to you are your real friends.

Also, heard through the grapevine that one of my XBF's friends committed suicide earlier this week. I really want to call her up and ask her if she slept with her H too?

I guess you would call this the angry phase of this roller coaster...

Also, told my kids the truth last week on the players involved. Spared them the details. Simply said it was Mrs. X and Mr. X not only knew but encouraged it. They needed to know why I cannot forgive their Dad and that we ARE getting a D. They actually took it really well. DS simply said "That's Sick". I said I know, they made a huge mistake but do not blame your BF for what his parent's did. DD said "Well, that explains a lot." and then said she was "a little mad at Daddy." I told her that is to be expected but he still loves her very much. Talked to IC and she said I handled it very well so I am proud of myself for that.

Thanks again for listening and providing feedback. Everyone keeps saying how strong I am but not sure what I would have done had I not found this forum as quickly as I did after DDay. Really appreciate all the responses.



I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 207 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the anger phase. I seem to be perpetually stuck here. I am happy to see that you were able to "acknowledge" some of the rumor mill and "friends". Good to get that our of the way.

Coming clean to your kids must have been very difficult to say the least. You handled that extremely well and I'm proud of you too. Better they hear directly from you instead of that same rumor mill that you have to deal with.

It's just one more thing to hang on stbxh. He should have been man enough to take that bullet and tell them. But then again, that's why you are here in the first place. Because he is no man and a coward in the truest definition.

It also sounds like you still have a few friends standing around you. That is encouraging news and I'm happy to hear it.

You any closer to taking your company back?

Keep taking care of yourself.

yop

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 11:39 AM, April 5th (Saturday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2100 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
freeatlast72
♀ Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for keeping us posted!

I too am stuck in the anger phase-- but I look at it as motivation to do what needs to be done-- and that is move forward with my life and take care of DD6.

You will get through this! You are stronger than you think!


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. There are still 16 days for D to be final, ugh! Any suggestions for what to do on the day?
Pamper yourself. I know it's a Sunday, so that may limit some of your options, but do something that feeds your soul.

A massage?
Retail therapy?
Meditation?
Ten rounds with a heavy bag?
Hike?
Bubble bath and a book?
Bonfire fueled by old letters and cards?

Whatever you do, make it something that lifts you up, honey. You deserve that.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25382 | Registered: Aug 2011
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tomorrow my D will be final. I spent the weekend up in the mountains where we had our first date and got married. I know torturing myself right? Actually, I think it was really good. I needed to mourn the marriage. I have been so laser focused on getting my to do list done and proceeding with a divorce I NEEDED to grieve the loss of the marriage.

I am vowing to myself though that after 10AM tomorrow when the D is final that I will no longer mourn and move ahead.

I know it has only been a little over 3 months since DDay but the betrayal was so HUGE it really has given me no other choice. The amount of lies piled on top of DDay make it much easier to move ahead.

I took my company back over last week (I still have the other short term job I accepted too) so next few months will be very busy. Kids are adjusting well. Had a nice Easter dinner with them tonight after they got back from WH's house for the weekend. Taking my DD to IC on Tuesday just to check up on things but they really do seem to be handling everything quite well.

I am not sure what the next chapter of my life will be but I am hoping this last one was the climax as far as tragedy goes and the next will have a bit more comedy.

I hope I do not become jaded. I hope I can love and trust again one day.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 207 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iamsoblind

You are strong.
You are right.
You left the marriage with your vows and morals intact.

Your a great mom that is honest with your kids.

There is no doubt in my mind you will love, and be loved again......

Happy Easter.

HM


Posts: 862 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck today blind! We are with you!


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2100 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's done. I am divorced.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 207 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're still here sister.

((((((((((iamsoblind42))))))))))


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2100 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((iamsoblind42)))) I am sure there is sadness involved, but it is good to be able to close this chapter on your life. Now, of course, you still have to co-parent, but it is good that you aren't tied legally to him anymore.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9662 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you both my condolences and congratulations... As crazy as that sounds. I'm sorry for all the pain you've been through, yet happy that you are on a path to leave that behind you. Wishing you peace, strength, and happiness.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 683 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
nekonamida
♀ Member
Member # 42956
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations! Here's looking forward to new beginning with people who deserve to have you in their life and don't take your kindness and strength for granted.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry that he chose to make this the only possible option for you. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4805 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry..

A new life is waiting for you...


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 481 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
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