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User Topic: My life feels like an episode of Jerry Springer
shatteredapart
♀ Member
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your feelings are totally normal. I know I couldn't talk to my WH at first but I sure wanted him to contact me begging, pleading and crying that he was a stupid ass. I wanted instant remorse. Sadly, most of us rarely get all that at first, if ever. Hang in there while you ride the roller coaster none of us want to be on. We're here for you.

[This message edited by shatteredapart at 10:45 AM, January 13th (Monday)]


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so very very sorry for what you are going through. Your story is just gutwrenching.

Please know that you WILL survive this! You have come to the right place and you will get lots of good support and advice here.

You are obviously incredibly strong. If you don't feel that way -- know that you are! It takes guts to kick him out for now. It does. Good for you. This is the first best step in letting him know you will not tolerate this behavior or level of disrespect. It took some of us a lot longer to get to that point and believe me, it just extends the trauma and the healing timeline.

You are doing great. I know it doesn't feel like it. But you are. For now, YOUR NEEDS COME FIRST. No one else. You do the best you can for your kids, but concentrate on taking care of YOU. Get some OTC sleep meds or see your doctor for something stronger. Stay hydrated at a minimum and try to eat. Many of us have experienced the infidelity diet. (easiest 20 lbs I ever lost!) Try to exercise, even if it's just walking. Anything for you. See a friend.

Except for your lousy BF. You don't need her in your life right now or possibly ever. But for now, cut off her and her H. What they engaged in doesn't sound like something that "just happens" in a drunken stupor. This sounds like something that was agreed upon and their level of unconcern for you or your kids is disgusting.

You will find that some BSs will be able to empathize with some parts of your story more than other parts. None of our stories are exactly the same. I also have teenagers -- except 2 of them discovered the A 6 months before I did. They saw the texts. They have been traumatized by this and seeing him continue on with his A for many months after my DD confronted him. I don't want to thread jack here, but feel free to PM me if you want specific input on experiences with the kids. My bottom line: They don't need details. Their world is already crushed. Keep things at an age-appropriate level, but don't LIE. You can find an acceptable line between appropriate disclosure and the truth. It took a while for me to tell my 12 year old the reason for our separation. But better that he heard from me than from his siblings or someone else.

You need to show your kids that YOU still have integrity. All their ideas about love, trust, commitment, etc. have been shattered. You need to reassure them that you both love THEM. They are not at fault (may sound silly, but they will blame themselves in some way, just like you will blame yourself -- it is human nature.) It is okay for them to know you are hurting. But also let them know what you are doing to heal yourself. Show them your strength. It will help you find it yourself. It is good for them to know you will not tolerate a H who does not honor his commitments. If he is willing to do the very hard work necessary, then and only then, do you consider those options.

As impossible as it seems (I can attest it is way easier said than done, but very important), try not to obsess over his remorsefulness or lack thereof. (I feel like a hypocrite writing this!) Concentrate on healing you. He will either be remorseful or not, but nothing you do will make it happen. In the meantime, let him work through it. If he comes back groveling and repentant, then think about him and what you want for your future. For now, just make yourself happy and try not to think about him at all. (Try. I know it's very hard. It will help though.)

Sending big hugs. Each day is a struggle and this is a very long journey. You have lots of new friends here who care about you. You are worth much more than the way you've been treated. Never forget that.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 676 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Watch his actions and not his words.

"When people show you who they are, believe them."

And your "friend" was never your friend. Friends don't have sex with the other's spouse. Whatever they try to tell you, this wasn't the first time.


{{{hugs}}}}


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6539 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
brohl5
♀ Member
Member # 13440
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he is SOOOO sorry and loves me SOOOO much why isn't he showing it?

Because he isn't sorry that he did it, just sorry that he got caught.


I'm not going to let this define me anymore. He's gone and I couldn't be happier.

You couldn't have told me in July and December of 2006, but there really is a life after this mess.

Breathe, just breathe.


Posts: 5650 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Indiana
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't blame you if seeing your WH do your best friend while her sicko H watches turns out to be a deal breaker for you..I know it would be for me..

As others wrote, you are courageous and strong..
In the end , things will work out for you and your kids..

As long as you keep an open line of communication with your kids this will help minimize any resentment on their part towards you...With my kids, I didn't give them any more facts or info on their dad's A than I would a coworker who wasn't a confidante..I don't think our kids need to know the same minute details that we would consider telling Mom or a sister if they were our confidantes..

My WH did ultimately decide that he couldn't be kicked out..And our laws in this state are on his side..So until I have my ducks in a row for D, I end up staying away from my WH as much as possible, even though we still live in the same house....It sucks..I am glad that your WH left when you kicked him out..

Sending more strength your way...

[This message edited by doggiediva at 1:34 PM, January 13th (Monday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1179 | Registered: Nov 2011
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agghhhh!!! I just got a text from WH asking if he could take our D for ice cream after school.

I said sure, what time will you have her home?

I then followed up with the following...

"This is not going to go away with space and time. If there is any chance and I am not kidding when I say a very very small chance for us there are many things that have to change.

1) This is not my fault. Don't you ever try to blame me.

2) You need IC immediately for A and alcohol.

3) You have no contact with BF and her H, not even a wave.
* our kids play on same sports team and I already know I will have to see them Thursday which is giving me serious anxiety.

4) You get STD tested and give me the results"

What I got back....

"I'll have her home by 4:30"

OMG F****** piece of ***** Aggghhhhhhh!!!!!

[This message edited by iamsoblind42 at 2:34 PM, January 13th (Monday)]


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 206 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh iamsoblind42! WTF on all of it.

Is there anyone that can help you with your son on Thu so that you don't have to see them? I know it's a pain in the ass to have to go out of your way to find someone and you shouldn't have to, but you shouldn't have to see them either. Especially not now. It's so not fair that this is happening to both yours and their son too. Neither of them asked for this and they should be allowed to remain friends and see each other. If you can, arrange for someone else to take him or worst case scenario WH...which I know puts him in proximity with them, but IMHO it's worse for you to be near them.

What they engaged in doesn't sound like something that "just happens" in a drunken stupor. This sounds like something that was agreed upon and their level of unconcern for you or your kids is disgusting.

I couldn't agree with Stillstanding1 more. This is a very deliberate act and essentially "assaulted" your family. Continue to remain dark with them if you can. When the time is right for you, let know that they assaulted your family and they can't even begin to understand the lifetime of repercussions that are going to be felt. If it were me, they would be dead to me forever with not a word from me ever again. I played that card with my parent's "friends".

There is excellent advice by everyone here. But ultimately you need to decide what's best for you on all fronts.

Your WH is clearly not remorseful. You said it best previously when you said he is still thinking about himself. That's evident in the text he just sent back to you without even an acknowledgment of your other requests. I hate to say it and I didn't want to say it before, but something stinks here. Alcohol doesn't play that big a part in it. I should know. I obliterated myself for years and never once did it occur to me to put my !@#$ or any other part of me anywhere other than my girlfriend (at the time). I don't want to plant this seed with you if you haven't already had the thought, maybe you have... What else besides the other 2 ONSs is he holding back on? He just got caught. He is still probably hiding other stuff. Is this a TT situation?

He probably doesn't have a clue of the long term damage he's done yet and won't until he starts to take you seriously. Let him know as much if you haven't already.

Continue to be strong. Easier said than done but do it!!! We're all pulling for you!!


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you YearsofPain25. Thank you for hearing me. I feel like I am drowning here. Thank you for acknowledging I really needed a response from WH and did not get it. That really hurt but also woke me up again that I need to stay strong.

Just blasted Destiny's Child I'm a Survivor song and took a hot shower. Feeling a bit better.

What is a TT situation?

Also, where do I find your story. I'd like to try to help you too if I can.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 206 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey there iamsoblind25! Good for you taking a little time for yourself.

TT is Trickle Truth. Once the WS is caught, it sounds like they rarely come clean with the whole truth at first. Just little pieces and they try not to acknowledge all of the truth. Just a little bit at a time and that's only if they are willing to work through it. Thus trickle truth. I've seen it all over these posts the last few months. If the WS starts to feel remorse or if pressured they can burst like a dam eventually and you get the rest of the details/more shit. Not always though. Many times a lot of info is withheld and sometimes even comes out years later. I think you saw this with the 2 ONS. What else is there? Or maybe there is nothing else. But that is something you need to figure out and decide for yourself if you even want to know.

I don't want to go into my story too much here since this is about you. I'm not even sure I really belong here as my situation is anything but normal. I was encouraged by others to bring my story forward and posted here to just found out with the "Dealing with the affair 25 years later" thread. Everything I have is there. You can also click on the smiley face on someone's post in the upper right corner of their post and it will take you to their profile if you want to see more info on them.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi yearsofpain25. I read your story and wow, as a Mom that scares the S*** out of me. Has this scarred my children forever?

I love them soooooo much!

I too wonder how my WH could have done all this if he really ever thought about his family.

TBH, he is a good Dad, very attentive, very involved, much more so than most men I know which is one of the reasons I love him even after all this hurt.

Can I love him and still leave him? Your post makes me think I absolutely need to get a D.

I don't want them thinking I was too weak and a coward. I don't want to be a broken shell of my former self. I want to be healthy and happy if for no one else but my kids.

I will not talk ill will of my WH.

I am too the product of D. My Mom ran away with me and the OM (our neighbor) in the middle of the night when I was 4 and I did not see my Dad for years. I have not talked to her in years. She too badmouthed my Father and he took the high road. I remember that. To this day, he really does not say anything too bad except that she is bipolar which is true. I have not really ever thought too much about my Mom's betrayal. I always knew my Dad was better off. Just wish she would have left me with him.

I am going to go hug my kids now and tell them again how much I love them.

Sounds like you have a great wife and wonderful kids. My only advice to you is to live each day as you wish your parents would have and instead of beating yourself up too much over the past use it for a positive future. I am sure somewhere up above your brother is looking after you and I am certain he never blamed you.

I really appreciate all the support you have given me over the last couple of days. You truly don't know how much you have helped me.

THANK YOU!!!


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 206 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Makes me feel good to know that I've helped you and others. I almost didn't post anything other than my story because I didn't feel it was my place. So thank you.

Back to you...I don't think your kids are scarred yet. Things may not ever be exactly the same as they used to be, but that doesn't mean that their worlds have to turn to absolute S*** as yours just did. No matter what it will be painful but it's up to you and WH to control that pain. Remember to keep engaging them to see what they think and feel. Don't let them "check out" so that 25 years later they are posting nonsense to some stupid website that is "the best club in the world that no body wants to be a part of". Let your kids know what you think and feel as you discuss with them, not a one way conversation. When the time is right down the road maybe discuss things with WH and the kids together to get stuff all out on the table. This is not a good time. Later!! As long as they know that both of you are there for them, you are both honest, and you kep them informed of any major decisions as you go, they will be alright.

Can I love him and still leave him? Your post makes me think I absolutely need to get a D.

I don't want them thinking I was too weak and a coward. I don't want to be a broken shell of my former self. I want to be healthy and happy if for no one else but my kids.

You already have the right attitude. You will be happy and healthy again someday and if you stay engaged in conversations with them they will never think you were weak any which way you decide to go. Just don't hit them over the head with this mess every day. Let them be kids.

Since the three whoreskateers (sorry I know we are not supposed to name call here but I've been wanting to say that for a while) metaphorically ripped your heart out and made you vomit on it, you don't have to make any immediate decisions about D. Contact an attorney and see what your options are. Those things take a long time anyway and you only just went down the first hill on the roller coaster of S***. Definitely don't base your decisions off my roller coaster of S***. You will feel what to do as this thing plays out. Through this thread though it sounds like you are leaning a certain way already. And if that's what's right for you and you feel more strongly as time goes on, then all the power to you. Who knows, maybe you'll want to R eventually, but a lot has to happen before that can be considered starting with his remorse and working with you to have your needs met.

If WH is a good father then great. That will help on the front with the kids. He's proven himself a S*** husband and he needs to come around on that and fast if he's going to work with you.

I'm guessing that the three whoreskateers really are totally clueless on how much damage they have done. I guarantee you they are not on some website doing research and talking to people with experience on the matter. You need to let WH know what that damage is now and what it could be potentially in the future. That should be a nice slap of reality for him.

Really these are all life choices that unfortunately you have to make. You didn't ask for it, but here you are. Remember that you don't have to jump to any decisions now as you figure things out as you go. I'm sure there are no right and wrong choices, so don't second guess yourself. As I said before you are one tough lady with a big 'ol heart for your kids. So go with that for now.

Have you been working down your checklist? Do you have other questions for WH? What would you like from him in the immediate future? Do yourself a favor, go through those questions briefly. Shut down the computer and go to sleep if you can. Seriously try and get some sleep. Take comfort in that you are not alone. Easier said that done, I know. But at least try and do it. Tomorrow will be the same. I'm going to do that too. Put the computer way and try and watch some tv with the Mrs.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
ZedLeppelin
♂ Member
Member # 40895
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A man who potentially breaks up his own family is by definition not a good father.

Go to a lawyer and see what your options are.

There may or may not be some legal things you can do with regards to the other couple as well. Restraining order etc.


Posts: 176 | Registered: Oct 2013
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While tucking my D in tonight she asked when Daddy's coming home. I told her I don't know and had to watch her cry herself to sleep. The more I see my kids hurt the angrier I get.

Found an IC today and meeting with her again tomorrow. Has been good to have someone to offload to as I have zero support and want to stay strong and not cry all the time in front of my kids. IC also works with kids do will make appt for them soon too.

Still have not decided what to do... Is only day 3.

Am sad tonight not just for my kids but thinking how a near death experience last month really had me so appreciating my life and I was really looking forward to being fully healed to work on rekindling passion with my H. I really felt we were in a really good place in our M. I knew I loved my H which has not always been the case. I was so excited for 2014. Friday night before my nightmare began we had actually had one if the passionate kisses we had had in a long time. Was he thinking of my BF during it. Agggggghhhhh....I am seriously torturing myself.

The fact he never responded to my text of requests today, I know now it's over. Honestly I pretty much knew anyway but still felt like ball was in my court and there was that spark of hope. Not having the ball sucks even worse.

IC recommended I try to limit my time in the forum to checking just a few times a day instead if living on it to try to give my mind a break and get some sleep. I guess I will give that a go.

Goodnight and sweet dreams to all of you.

[This message edited by iamsoblind42 at 12:46 AM, January 14th (Tuesday)]


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 206 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Day 4.

I am exhausted. Last night sleep was worse night yet.

The fact that WH never responded to my text just feels like the betrayal just started all over.

Got physically ill last night and worried I am going to end up back in the hospital as I am still recovering from my previous surgery and near death experience from infection. Can't remember if I took my antibiotics yesterday.

Got a bill yesterday from my recent hospitalization where one part if the claim was denied (home nurse) even though it was mandated by hospital but apparently someone did not call to get the preauthorization in time so now I have a huge bill to deal with too. I really can't deal with the added stress right now.

Really want to call my dad and see if he will come help. He lives in another state but worried he will have an excuse why he can't which will break my heart more. I also feel like if I call him it is truly throwing in the towel as I have not told any friends or family (except our kids) yet.

I think kids are still hopeful things will work out and I am somewhere in denial with them.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 206 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, do THAT. Call your dad and let him know that you and your kids need him now more than you ever have in your life. You can ask that. IF he rejects you for any reason (I can't imagine he would, but I don't know him), you are still right where you are. Can only be better if you call him. At the very least for one more person to hear you that knows you.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't really write all that much since I'm at work, but wanted to say I heard you iamsoblind42!


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would absolutely call your dad...

I think you and the kids need his support..Like yearsofpain25, I feel that your dad won't make excuses not to come....

For you to have the urge to call your dad now, means that he must have been there for you (emotionally) in the past when you needed him..

As long as kids feel that you and your WH have their welfare and best interests at heart, they are gonna learn to live with what has happened between you and your WH and stay engaged with you guys as parents/friends..

My kids love me and my WH in different ways and to my knowledge they enjoy our company.. We no longer spend much time with the kids as a couple, they know that there is no hope of R.. They know that I am planning on leaving as soon as I have my exit plan in place..

When ever I spend time with my grown kids I have nothing on my agenda except enjoying my time with them and making sure that they are okay..

My youngest son and his fiancee express interest in having me stay with their kids during the day while they work...They aren't pregnant with any kiddos yet, but it is extremely touching to know that they would want my daily influence around :-)

And these blessings are still happening in the midst of the shit storm that WH and I are in..


Focus on your/ and children's physical and emotional needs to get thru this storm without a hidden agenda of proving that WH is evil..In the end the kiddo's will adjust to this situation and enjoy / love you both as the unique individuals that you are..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1179 | Registered: Nov 2011
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love your quote doggie diva... "Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite"

So... messaged my Dad asking him to fly here and that I needed him more than I have ever needed him.

He tried to call me back but I was at the doctor getting STD tested (oh fun)so he called my WH thinking maybe I was back in the hospital (almost died of an infection last month). WH told him he had "f'd" up but did not go into details.

Finally called my Dad back and was crying uncontrollably from doctor's experience. He told me he had spoken to my WH but that he can't come here just now because he has a glaucoma test on Friday. Seriously? Glaucoma test is best excuse?

My Dad has never really been there for me and I am his only child. My Mom ran off with me and OM when I was little and I did not see him for a few years. After that it was a couple weeks each Summer and every other Christmas. He worked for the airlines and is now retired and has free flight benefits but I have simply never been a priority. It has taken me years and being hurt and angry but I do know he loves me, he just loves himself more, a lot more and his dog more. Nothing would keep me away from my kids in this much pain.

Therapist says I contacted him because I reached out to the person that has abandoned me as much as my WH thinking if I could get him to comfort me maybe I could get my WH to do the same. Wow, I think she is really smart. I did not realize I was doing it but that is exactly what I was doing.

Next I am going to see my personal trainer to ask him if he will stop training my XBF (that had oral sex with my WH) as the gym was my sanctuary and I was going there first. I actually talked her into coming. There are no memberships, it's just personal training and never more than 10 people in the gym at any given time. I don't want to have to worry about running into her at my happy place. I know I can't make him and my IC will probably have a reason I am doing this for me on Thursday when I see here again. I just want to be able to take some control of my life back however small it may seem.

YearsofPain25 - I guess I am too still living with the A of my parents without realizing how it affected my adult life so much. Both my parents were cheaters.

One thing I have found helpful for all those struggling to get through the day like me is to organize something...a drawer, fridge whatever...but I think organizing helps since I have no control over anything else.

Today is the hardest day yet...

[This message edited by iamsoblind42 at 2:26 PM, January 14th (Tuesday)]


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 206 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

iamsoblind42. Not sure what to say and understand how you feel.

Let's start with this. People have been encouraging me to post more to my story and I'm overwhelmed by the responses. Never did I think people would reach out to me in messages and on my posts. Very powerful stuff. And it's helping me immensely to know that I have been helping others. My wife is now really encouraging me to continue to post and I feel I have a lot more to say but I'm scared s***less to say it. I'm going to be around probably most of tonight typing this stuff up so I will be here. I will refresh this page from time to time to see if you want to vent. You don't have to. Just know that I'm right here right now and here for you. I know that doesn't normally happen here on this site, but I am here for you if you want it. I may leave the room a few times to help with the kids, but I'm around and will be right back.

Next order of business. I haven't said this since Oct of 1994 when sitting in my bedroom a few weeks after my brother died. Say it out loud together with me.

"WE are going to be alright".

As for your dad, I get how you feel and I'm in the same boat. We would drop everything for our kids but unfortunately not everyone would. My own parents case in point. So lets at least focus on the positive. He didn't totally reject you. Hopefully he can get to you sometime next week to help. That's something. Is there anyone else that can help you? A neighbor? You DON'T have to explain your whole story to whomever you may reach out to.

I get the personal trainer thing too. Is there anyway that you can explain to them that you are having a personal problem with your xbf and to schedule another time for you?

And unfortunately I've had to be tested for STD's twice in my life. Once due to an unfaithful partner and once because they got a scare from their previous partner so I had to be tested too.
At least you've made that visit now and can move on one way or the other. Good to check that off the list.

One day at a time. I'm sure your house will never be cleaner. What are you going to do tomorrow? What else is on your checklist?


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
iamsoblind42
♀ Member
Member # 42022
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really need help with what to tell my kids. Picked up my D from school and again she started crying asking when Daddy is coming home the "I don't know" is not working.

Since WH has stopped corresponding with me since he I asked him to leave Sunday I can only think we are headed for the big D, and I don't mean Dallas.

I tried to explain to her it would be like if every time her best friend came she bit her brother. I told her daddy does not bite me but it still hurts. I told her we both still love her and this is not her fault and that I would try to figure out a way so she could see her dad more regularly. It's only been 2 days since he moved out but she needs structure.

I also told her it would be at least 2 months before we would know if daddy was coming home. Hopefully this will have her stop asking every day as it breaks my heart.

Since my WH does not respond to any communication from me I sadly had to ask my 16 year old to let hus Dad know he really needs to find a more permanent place to live so kids can see him more than a trip for ice cream.

We have a rental home and the people are moving out at the end if the month. I think this would be perfect but my kids think it is an a awful house.

It is 3 bedrooms, nice backyard, hot tub and only 1 mile away but nothing like the house we live in now.

Honestly I don't care if he gets an apartment or buys a whole new house but kids need some stability. He is living with his cousin now 45 minutes away.

Again, I know it's only been a few days for me but I also know this is no quick fix.

Hoping WH wakes up to this fact soon!

Anybody got any insight to how long it takes for WS to realize BS is not playing a game. This is happening and he needs to find a suitable place to live for our kids sake.


I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on surviving...

BS: me 42
WH: 48
2 kids
Married 18 years
D-day - 1/11/14
Filed - 1/16/14
Divorced 4/21/14
Walked in on WH and BF while her H watched


Posts: 206 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Colorado
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