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User Topic: Was anyone actually in a sexless marriage?
Bravenewgirl
♀ Member
Member # 36267
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the WH to claim that he was in a sexless marriage is, I believe, on page one of the wayward handbook (WH: poor me, my dong is not getting any love! OW: Poor you! Your wife is mean!, I will pat your wiener for you blah blah blah, etc etc.)

Anyone actually have one of these? Do they really exist? What constitutes 'sexless', never, or just not very often? Not that I believe that it is any excuse for cheating, it just seems that this is the go-to excuse, so I am wondering if it has any basis in reality.

I have posted this before, but in my case OW clearly did not believe him because she used to discretely sniff his junk to see if there was any of my, ahem, residue on there. Either that or she just loves Eau De Wang. The mind reels. I cannot get past the weirdness of an OW checking to see if her MARRIED BOYFRIEND was cheating on her with HIS WIFE. Gahhhh!

[This message edited by Bravenewgirl at 5:46 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]


Don't come around here no more
-Tom Petty

Posts: 661 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Canada
silentscream13
♀ Member
Member # 41693
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(WH: poor me, my dong is not getting any love! OW: Poor you! Your wife is mean!, I will pat your wiener for you blah blah blah, etc etc.)

Oh...thank you for the laugh. I so needed that today!

As for answering your question...I think the only way you can be in a sexless marriage is if you NEVER have sex.

My WH complained to his whore that I NEVER wanted to have sex either. I explained to him that I just NEVER wanted to have sex with HIM! I mean it's hard to get turned on by a drunk man slobbering all over you every night.

He complained about our kissing even (because I never wanted to). He was so drunk that he was practically EATING MY FACE OFF! Yes...that is a turn on.

IMO It is just an easy excuse so they can have their cake and eat it to.


ME: BS- 39; HIM: WS - 40 (lostmymind13)
OW: TechnicallyMarriedEx-GF - 47
Sexting,OEA/NO PA (but was planning it before he got caught)
D-day - 11-14-13
Together: Almost 18 years; Married: Almost 15 years
4 Children
Apologies: I edit. Often.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nowhere and Everywhere
AppalachianGal
♀ Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I laughed out loud at this. Thanks, I needed it!

I don't know what my WS told the bar whore except that he was married, had a newborn son, he believed our marriage was over and didn't understand why. Make me gag.

He probably did say we weren't having sex. Who knows? To me, a sexless marriage is one where it never happens.


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am betting that my STBX said he was in a loveless and sexless marriage that became more like siblings!


Of course that isn't really true. We had sex, but not a ton. Because he was a lazy lay and didn't want to work on it, and I didn't need/want it that often so 3x a month maybe.

I told him what he could do to help me want more…help more with the kids, be affectionate at times other than when u want sex, set up date nights, act romantic, etc. He said "Oh, so it is CONDITIONAL? Forget it. You should love me and want me how I am" and because he is so lazy, I guess it was easier to just go online and find someone all primed up and ready to go, no effort required.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It wasn't sexless, but my FWH had to beg me for sex.

I dunno, when someone tells you to "Shut the fuck up" constantly and then is reaching over for you 15 minutes later in bed, it kind of takes the fun out of having sex with that person. He was a selfish fucking dick and never tried to get me to want to have sex with him, just demanded it. Grrr, getting angry remembering this. I love sex, too.

she used to discretely sniff his junk to see if there was any of my, ahem, residue on there
Hilarious, and weird!

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 6:12 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pfft, not hardly. I have always had the higher drive. Even though we weren't setting any new records at the time and I was kinda bored, it was still happening. But, my FWH never used sex as the reason for his affair. It was a by-product of the rest of the relationship.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6306 | Registered: Jan 2011
Lyonesse
♀ Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It always amazes me how many folks in sexless marriages have kids. Seems like even OW would be able to figure that one out.

ETA:

I will pat your wiener for you

[This message edited by Lyonesse at 6:21 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1780 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
badmedicine
♀ Member
Member # 41692
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We used to have sex a lot and I even wanted to have it more than he did. However, it dropped off significantly when he started seeing her (for those of you following along at home this was just a few months into our engagement) and with it the fighting increased. After we were married and he started saying he didn't know if he wanted to be married or if he loved me...well that was a turn off. I remember when we had sex after he first moved out I thought to myself "I actually can't remember the last time we did this". Turns out it was SIX MONTHS BEFORE. WTF. Who goes 6 months with no sex in their first year of marriage?? No wonder I started training for a marathon.

Things got better and worse and then better again but his affair squelched our sex life. He was also selfish, expected to show up over here at 10:30 at night and do it when I had been sitting around alone all day and evening (and he had been on FaceTime with OW). So maybe ours was close to sexless? Awesome.


"The wishbone will never replace the backbone." -Will Henry
"This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it." -Dorothy Parker

Posts: 176 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
neverwillhapn2me
♂ Member
Member # 41912
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is coming from a BH.

I can not say I was in a sexless marriage. just that I wasn't getting any, the OM was though.

i have not had sex with my wife since my WW became pregnant with our now 7 month old.

mine you DD was 3 weeks ago, so there will be no physical contact now.
SO its would probably be around 14 months with no sex, mind you she was pregnant for 9 of them.


Still i would say a sexless doesn't me NEVER it has to be atleast a few times a month.


I may not have had sex but my wife and OM were certainty.

who know how long it will be before i have sex now 2 years 3 ahhhhhhh..... im gonna stop thinking about this now.

[This message edited by neverwillhapn2me at 6:25 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]


The saddest thing about betrayal is it never comes from your enemies


If your searching for that one person that will change your life, look in the mirror.


Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Ontario
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and remember what the maven of youth, Mylie Cyrus told Matt Lauer....nobody has sex after 40.

I am sure the OW knew from just looking at me that I hated sex and was not taking care of my man in bed.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1398 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, y'all.
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope not here! Baby #7 in the oven to prove it! We (before his meds) were 4-5 times a week.

It was the skank who wasn't getting any because her boyfriend lived 2 hours away. I guess fucking a married man was protection against her boyfriend finding out.

Little did she know my husband (when depressed) doesn't shower often. Sucks to be her!


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 360 | Registered: May 2013
Flatlined
♀ Member
Member # 27637
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right before DDay, I was in a church women's group with both O(utside)Ws. A#1 was over, A#2 was active. Of course at the time I knew nothing of either of these situations. I remember sharing one day -- with the group-- how FWH was always all over me for sex. (Sex was actually one of the best areas of our relationship!)I distinctly remember the odd look on O(utside) W#1's face after my comment. I wish I gotten a look at OW#2 that day. It is amazing how delusional a person has to be to believe the tales of a cheater.

[This message edited by Flatlined at 6:35 PM, January 11th (Saturday)]


Me BW
Him FWH [Dr.NewMan]
Married 23 y/4 children In R
DDay #1 7/20/09 DDay #2 7/28/09 (2 As,both with *PSEUDO*friends)

Had him first. Have him last. Just wish I could have had him ONLY.


Posts: 509 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: South
tara1110
♀ Member
Member # 41202
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told him what he could do to help me want more…help more with the kids, be affectionate at times other than when u want sex, set up date nights, act romantic, etc.

This was exactly what I told my husband about a year before dday. He was lazy and I did most of the chores around the house, I worked full time and our son was about 8 months old then. We had a serious talk about us and I said the same thing quoted above. Our sex life came back to normal, he was more affection and all until he got deployed. When he came home... BOOM! I found out he was fucking a whore overseas.

Anyhow, looking back at how he was, I'm just glad I don't have to deal with his lazy, Xbox playing ass anymore. Butter bitch face can pat his wiener until it turns blue.


Me BS:34
H WS: 28
OW: 33 (butter face... Thanks to sistermilkshake for the nickname)
Dday: July 24, 2013 (5 days after our 5th wedding anniversary)
7yrs together, married for 5 yrs
Status: divorcing

Posts: 86 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: North Carolina
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Butter bitch face


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was. Trac-Fone swears to this day it was because I rejected him, but in fact he used a (bona fide) physical illness to avoid sex with me for years; he preferred anonymous or near anonymous sex, but fueled himself with rage and resentment based on absolute lies he told himself (and others). We had sex six times between 1999 and 2010. I initiated each time, and each time it was with trepidation. I believed him; he was sick, medicated, impotent--oh! And enjoying quite an active sex life. Somewhere else.

So yes. I was in a sexless marriage, thinking I was honoring the "in sickness and in health" clause.

He, OTOH, was not. And I may never forgive him for robbing me of so much of my sexual adulthood.

But maybe I will. Because frankly, sex with a personality disordered man who can't abide intimacy is not what it's cracked up to be, and at least now I stand a chance at having an adult relationship.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8337 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
imagoodwitch
♀ Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am now but then I wasn't.

We had sex all the time, before and during and after the A.

OW and WS both told each other they were in sexless marriages, lies.

Now, the thought of having sex with him makes me ill.


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5235 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
DazedWI
♂ Member
Member # 41432
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would classify mine as a sexless marriage but it didn't start out that way. My WW wouldn't initate or talk to me about what worked and what didn't so she just never tried. It was always me trying to initiate and then I found out two years ago (prior to her affair) that sex was painful most of the time with me. I put it on her to rebuild the intimacy as I saw it as me having "raped" her for so long because she wouldn't communicate to not "hurt my feelings or make me mad". So instead of working on things with me she goes out and sleeps with a 52 year old OM. Go figure, some bitches be crazy.


ME (29) - BS
Her (29) - STBXWW
Dday - 10/25/2013
Married - 7/2007
Been Together - 9/2003

Posts: 83 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Midwest
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were about once a week, sometimes more.

His LTA was about 3 times a week.

Sigh.

Much more frequent now that he doesn't use me as a piece of meat.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I was. We were having problems pre-A, and we hadn't had sex in months.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2179 | Registered: Feb 2010
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here. We hadn't had sex in YEARS. My choice eventually. I clearly remember the night after another rejection from my husband that I decided never again. He tried often and I rejected him. After a few years he gave up. I thought that was the way he wanted it. We rarely spoke about it with all the family issues that kept us otherwise occupied. But, I thought we were still okay. How naive can one person be. To his credit, he waited years (if I am to believe him) before he actually started cheating on me.

Posts: 923 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
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