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User Topic: Was anyone actually in a sexless marriage?
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread is making me laugh.

Not sexless here either but not as often as he wanted. Not sure why I wasn't turned on by him packing on over 30 pounds and leveling up in Assassin's Creed after 14 hours of playing it on his days off.


Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
loveisareddress
♀ Member
Member # 36474
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His abuse killed my desire for him.(which used to be strong)

I try not to cringe when he touches me.(because he is a liar and I don't even trust his touch anymore)

For the past couple of years, as a rule, I sleep on the couch with one eye open.(he likes to hit me "in his sleep" and snores like a chainsaw. Used to hold me tight, but that was probably only so I couldn't escape. )


Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.

I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.


Posts: 442 | Registered: Aug 2012
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Little did she know my husband (when depressed) doesn't shower often. Sucks to be her!

Haha justice served bee-otch


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wasn't sexless til ow. He became so damn mean, I slept on the couch half the time. When we did have sex, he couldn't finish the job....he called it stress, I call it c**tface

I asked him before I knew about the A, if there was someone else. He said, how could I.have an A when I can' barely get.it up with you. I actually believed him. It was just so weird that he had never had that problem, so I was very concerned and confused. I was trying to.be understanding and supportive and he milked it for everything it was worth. Dam I feel like a dumb ass for buying that shit.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 3:49 PM, January 13th (Monday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
loveisareddress
♀ Member
Member # 36474
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All this and ED too.

Ain't it awful?


Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.

I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.


Posts: 442 | Registered: Aug 2012
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I was. MY STBXH is a PA, not diagnosed clinically, though.
He would withhold all and any type of affection whenever he felt real or imagined slights. If I came up and hugged him he would shove me so hard away from him. Once I hugged him in bed. He pushed me so hard away from him that I fell off the bed on my side.
The longest we went without sex was 2 years. He would never confess he was PA, instead he had me thinking I was a bad wife for not understanding his ED. Yeah, right, he had no problem getting it up for Shrek. I didn't know about the A or I would have left him a long damn time ago.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2181 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my WH was unfaithful with porn, online, and the ONS with the prostitute, we were having VERY little sex. Maybe 3-4 times a year.

NOW - there is ZERO sex. And for YEARS. ZERO hand holding, looking into each other's eyes unless it is a mean look, or touching in ANY way. (Due to his disability, I do help with a sleeve caught up in the arm of a sweater, and I give him hair cuts.) Other than that NO TOUCHING of any kind.

So - YES - it does really exist.


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1850 | Registered: Apr 2012
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

. I was the BM in a sexless relationship for years at the fault of my WW, but I guess I don't count.

How did you interpret that you don't count, Jesu?

The question was, "Was anyone in a sexless marriage?"

Were only men supposed to answer?

No one would dispute that there are men in sexless marriages.

If anything, you might have chosen to interpret the number of posts verifying that many BSs were in sexless marriages, and not by their own choosing, as validation that you DO, in fact, have a great deal in common with many here.

Where did "I don't count" come from?

Were responses only supposed to come from the men of SI?

None of us is the WW who hurt you.

[This message edited by solus sto at 3:18 PM, January 13th (Monday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8339 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Jesu
♂ Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who said you didn't count? Jesu, just because the majority who posted on this thread were BW's doesn't imply that there were BH's who were in sexless marriages because of their WW's.

Just seems to be a lot of man hating going on. There doesn't seem to be much respect for betrayed males around these parts.


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
burnedcanuckEMS
♀ Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, January 13th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. In fact we were trying to conceive so we had a pretty busy sex life. That said, after three years of trying and his utmost refusal to look into why we couldn't conceive (as in he refused to get a sperm count done meanwhile I was being tested six ways to Sunday), the sex life did take a nose dive. That was the beginning of me becoming suspicious of what secrets he was hiding. The rest is history. We never did have kids ....


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 234 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just seems to be a lot of man hating going on. There doesn't seem to be much respect for betrayed males around these parts.

I feel for the betrayed men as much as the women. There are some wonderful caring men on her that have been kicked in the teeth by ws and it breaks my heart. I have a lot of compassion for them, especially those that are having to live an unfulfilled life because they don't want to lose time with their children. Maybe because there are more women members, you read a lot of issues about their men but what else are you suppose to post about when the sight is about infidelity and the ws is a man..I'm not a man hater.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
overandone
Member
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 2:31 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just want to say in no way am I a man-hater Jesu. I have just as much sympathy for betrayed men as betrayed women, and I spent probably 9 months supporting fWH's AP's husband after I outed the A to him, as he was falling apart and AP showed her true colours. Absolutely no remorse to him or me, her only concern seemed to be that she was financially ok.


Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 206 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was not in a sexless marriage.

Jesu...the BM thread in the ICR forum is one of the most popular threads here on SI...it is read daily..by the women of SI. Not all, but many,many of us read it. Now, before you get mad and say it's so we can point fingers and laugh, let me set you straight. No. We read it because the Menz are very honest about their feelings. it's raw and it's real. I know *I* personally enjoy it because it shows another side to men..one women..well, one *I* rarely get to see. I have a FWH who doesn't talk about his feelings often. Reading the posts made by these men have helped me understand my husband a little better(though he is not a BS). Also, go take a look in the JFO forum. Find the threads started by the newly betrayed husbands. You will find post after post of support for these men..by women. Betrayed husbands are VERY MUCH supported on SI.

This thread has a lot of BW's posting. BH's were not excluded. A few have commented. Im sorry that you seem put off by the posts the BW's have made. They are talking about their marriage..not yours. While it may be difficult to understand, not all men want sex all the time. But it happens. And they have the right to talk about it on here, without having to concern themselves with whether they are impressing anyone.

Your comment about the BH's not being supported here on SI is horseshit.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7147 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Jesu
♂ Member
Member # 36422
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wholeheartedly disagree. I see a lot of disrespect for men in general on some of these forums. It's not everyone, but it is quite common and has become a growing concern for me as I rely on this particular site as part of my healing process. I have been attacked plenty of times personally.

I have also recieved an abundance of private messages supporting these concerns from others, validating my experience here. There's a lot of people afraid to speak out about it as they fear being attacked, and they are over the moon that someone like me has the strength to speak out...not just for myself, but for the multitude of other betrayed men.

Stick your head in the sand, tell me I'm wrong, attack me, put me down, tell me I'm crazy...but it is what it is, and I'm not going to be pushed down any further by insensitive people. I'm entitled to my views and opinions, and that should be respected.

[This message edited by Jesu at 5:22 PM, January 14th (Tuesday)]


Me: BSO 39
Her: WSO 29
Together: 9 years
Married?: No
Children?: No
OM: A friend of a friend
DD#1: June 18th 2012
Many more DD after TT
PA#1: 1 week in Nov/Dec 2010, which led to a long distance EA
R: ?

Posts: 608 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Oz
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jesu, pot meet kettle.

I feel you are the one who is "hateful" towards women, imo. I have noticed you going into threads to specifically say something about the women disrespecting men. All prickly and looking to be offended.

BW are betrayed by WH. I usually speak of only my experiences with my WH (as I did on this thread) not about men in general. What, am I supposed to be happy that my FWH told me to "Shut the fuck up!" and then want sex with me 15 minutes later? I didn't say "men" do that, I said my WH did that.

I have said negative things about someone else's WH, not a BH. But, again, it was that specific WH, not MEN!

Yes, I have seen threads here that someone started making a generalized statement about men. Those are usually pretty quickly red flagged by a Mod. Or, a member will point it out, oftentimes a female.

If you want to visit here and be all thin skinned and look for posts to be offended by, I am sure you will be able to find it.

Attacking BW's who aren't "man haters" because you are hurting isn't very becoming or helpful to anyone. It is rude and offensive, actually.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9408 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
nomoreplease
♂ Member
Member # 32755
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC_Jack, I don't feel anyone was trying to impress you.

Who said you didn't count? Jesu,

I may be reading it wrong, but I think I understand why MC_Jack and Jesu are having issues with this thread and maybe I can make it clearer.
a concession of a mostly sexless marriage but with it being the man's fault: not doing enough, not being attractive enough, etc.

Several of the BHs here lived in sexless/almost sexless M for years because of these same excuses, and not because it was true, but because nothing they did wouldve ever have been enough. And in fact, these BHs were/are way over achieving in their M. When youve been rejected enough and nothing you can do was ever enough for long enough then those statements can become huge triggers.

I would say I was in this situation. I would say I was in a sexless M, by my xWWs choice because she didnt want to. And, no matter what I did I couldnt change that. OTOH, all OM had to do was tell her how good she was at her job and she would drop her pants.

Im not saying the same is true for all the BWs on here, but can see why these BHs would have issues with the Ws saying this.


'one walks away saying "I fought to save God's ideal," and the other must always admit, "I fought to destroy God's ideal!"'

Posts: 380 | Registered: Jul 2011
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If they feel that way, why didn't they post on this thread and state the truth from their marriage?

No one here is discounting the BH's. If they were in a sexless marriage because of their WW, why don't they post? This topic "Was ANYONE actually in a sexless marriage?"

I don't feel there is "man hating" going on here, it is our WH's "hating" going on. We would happily read WW "hating", too, if BH would post.

No, I don't understand where MC_Jack or Jesu are coming from. We are talking about WH's not BH's.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9408 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^ No More and I were married to the same WW.
Could not related to a comment more on this site.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1863 | Registered: Nov 2010
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well then I would hope that the BH's who are upset with what the BW's are saying will try to understand..this isn't about THEM. The BW's are sharing THEIR situation..not theirs.

Im sorry for the BH's who had WW's who never wanted to have sex, then turned around and had sex with someone else. Just as I am sorry for the BW's who had WH's who never wanted sex, yet had an affair.

I don't see very many BW's posting that they didn't have sex with their WH's because he was ugly. I see a lot of them saying they were being abused, verbally and emotionally. I see a lot of them saying they were ignored..and that their WH's invested very little into their marriage, yet expected them to drop their panties because his dick was hard. I see women talking about their husbands.

Im mostly sorry that this seems to have triggered some of you.

(((BH's)))


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7147 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sister,
Shit like this
Not sure why I wasn't turned on by him packing on over 30 pounds and leveling up in Assassin's Creed after 14 hours of playing it on his days off.

]
These are the types of grenade's my WW would lob at me..... I think this is where these BH are coming from. If you live in a sexless marriage where these types of grenades are lobbed at you as reasons your spouse will not have sex with you .......... Just saying.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1863 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 136
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