BP: 38--me, faithful
Currently moving toward R.
Sending support your way.
My WS has been pretty weak too at times and can't really give me the support I'd like to get from her. Really I try to be responsible for fixing myself; at this point I don't trust or depend on anybody.
I can guarantee they are not in contact ( I have ways of finding out) I think that he is just too lazy to move on or to fight for our marriage. It would all take too much effort.
Here is where I stand.....I have a very comfortable lifestyle, I work at a job I love and my money is mine alone. His money pays bills etc. I manage all finances, have credit cards that are in his name and spend what I want. I have great friends who I spend time with and basically enjoy my life. We have no children. We have been married 25 yrs and Frankly the intimacy has been lacking in our marriage for a long time sooooo.....I have decided to stay put, enjoy the benefits that I have and let him hang himself. Meanwhile I plan for the worse and if he comes around great. If not then who knows what will happen. I am in no way ready to enter any kind of relationship now or in the future. If I should get to the point where I want that intimacy again, then I will move forward with the D papers I have already had drawn up. I have just reached a point of not really being invested anymore. I know thatis bad and if he comes around it might be too late, but it is all I have left right now.
I hope that you find the path right for you.
She has been back and forth. It gets fucking old.
Does not truly show remorse, but hints that she wants me back.
The was making me feel guilty at first, but my friends here at SI showed me the truth.
There are very specific things a WS must do to show remorse, and this shit is one one of them.
Early September, 2013, on the anniversary date of one of their secret hotel trips years ago (I was out of town visiting parents), he is contacted by her by text, he notifies me and shows me he blocked her on his chat app.
But on September 27, 2013, he changes his google and work email accounts to where I can no longer access them remotely.
Early October, 2013, he mentions he would like me to show up in Las Vegas two days after he arrives there for business trip
November, 2013 she shows up in his Linkedin account as a contact with "recent conversation" tag
He says he doesn't know how this happened
On same day, November, 2013, I find his car *still* loaded with babywipes, deoderant, wine opener, breath mints
November, 2013, I investigate his web traffic (what he didn't quickly scrub), found a number of queries for encrypting emails, privacy of emails, how to hide on the internet
Late 2013, acquires new work computer but keeps it locked with a password different from the prior work computer. Does not offer transparancy that is necessary for reconciliation to begin.
January, 2014, I verify with linkedin staff this is impossible for her to show up without an invitation sent by one or the other
Early January, 2014, again says he would like me to show up in Las Vegas two days after him, gives no reason why other than "stress,". Appears upset I won't go along with it then says to drop it. Again, in MC therapy session, gives no logical reason other than "stress"
January, 2014, learn he's researching anonymous FreeNAS and encrypting email, anonomy
January 6, 2014, installs other chat app in addition to the app he has now called Wechat, research: Wechat is known for having higher security, you cannot view it without passcode. He has blocked her from the the first app chat (the one that is open and I have access to) but this one is held in secret.
***Why now two seperate chat apps??***
January 8, 2014, receive harrassing phone call using our secret code, the day before another business trip
Upon this, He says "she's not a friend to us". *No mention of her no longer being a friend of his.* Has angry face the next morning when I say she should be taking care of her children instead stalking the wife of her married lover when their affair was suppose to have ended over a year earlier.
January 11, 2014, I acquire info of email showing affair was not 4 years long but actually 7 years ( possibly longer) the email is early 2007, so discovered he's been lying about this detail all along. Also info found of visits to highend, five star restaurants that I haven't been to dated early 2007. ****The big red flag is after being found out, he's still lying when he's now called upon to speak the truth so that we may both heal.****
[This message edited by StruckNumb at 1:49 AM, January 13th (Monday)]
Early September, 2013, on the anniversary date of one of their secret hotel trips (I was out of town visiting parents), he is contacted by her by text, he notifies me and shows me he blocked her on his chat app.
January 11, 2014, I acquire info of email showing affair was not 4 years long but actually 7 years ( possibly longer) the email is early 2007, so discovered he's been lying about this detail all along. Also info found of highend, five star restaurants that I haven't been to dated early 2007. ****The big red flag is after being found out, he's still lying when he's now called upon to speak the truth so that we may both heal.****
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. The flags are pretty convincing that he is not willing to reconcile. I wish there was some way to make you feel better. It sucks to realize you have to entertain the 180, but it seems you are there. Without transparency and genuine remorse, moving forward with the relationship is not going to happen in a way that will prevent As from continuing or recurring. In my case I believe there is no one else, and I believe there will be no one else. What I'm stuck on is the remorse. Time will tell for both of us. My heart aches for you.
[This message edited by StruckNumb at 7:07 AM, January 13th (Monday)]